Wife work.. not my issue anymore

[YouhavenoauthorityJackieWeaver]

I work extremely hard at the moment with covid etc. I work 4 long days a week from 7am til 9 plus on call for intensive care. I do not have time to give a shit about the house or DHs family things.

Last year when it all kicked off I still did things like send a moon pig card, small present from us both etc. I moved out last March to a hotel and stayed there til October so it felt the nice thing to do

Then at Christmas AFTER I'd bought all the fucking presents for his family he announces they're not doing Christmas presents this year and not to worry about it. So I sent them all back and told him he was doing it all from now on. Then we got some presents from his siblings and his parents but we didnt have anything to give them because they weren't doing presents and he got in a mood.

I've made it patently clear that he lives in the house too and although he's a key worker (court system) he needs to pull his weight now I'm back home (his vulnerable parents moved to his brothers house). Im not doing the shopping now, I'm not doing lists, he lives here too, he has eyes.

But mostly I'm not sending cards to his family for birthdays. He agreed with me about this and then announces tonight 'oh we haven't sent xx a card for Monday' it's his sibling.. no DH YOU haven't sent a card. I know his family will mention it at the weekend but I will direct them to him, it's not my job.

Tell him to download moonpig app and set an alert

Why would anyone at all need to tell a full grown adult to do any such thing. Either he knows the events or he doesn't. Its not anyone else's problem to solve for him.
Theres this thing called Google, also calendars, also phone reminders and notes and probably a hundred different ways he can note down the events he needs to remember. If he cannot figure a way to do this by himself, he should probably not be allowed outside without carers.

@Gurufloof

Tell him to download moonpig app and set an alert

Why would anyone at all need to tell a full grown adult to do any such thing. Either he knows the events or he doesn't. Its not anyone else's problem to solve for him.
Theres this thing called Google, also calendars, also phone reminders and notes and probably a hundred different ways he can note down the events he needs to remember. If he cannot figure a way to do this by himself, he should probably not be allowed outside without carers.

So true. Direct these useful feckers to this new invention called the World Wide Web🤣

Why would anyone at all need to tell a full grown adult to do any such thing

Exactly. Back to my earlier point, do you also need to remind your DH that he should use a calendar to remember his work/zoom meetings? No? Then he can handle dates and times and events.

You sound very stressed honey....

There’s a saying “ What do you expect ? Do you want me to stick a broom up my ar£e and sweep the corridor while I am at it ?”
I think it applies here ....

Was does DH stand for? When i read it, its Dick Head

I don’t get presents for my husbands side of the family, I feel like I’m doing him a favour if I remember to remind him of upcoming birthdays. He sees it as his responsibility too. We both work and are busy with kids and house stuff. I don’t see it as an issue.

I'm in your corner op; good for you. Its dps dads birthday in about a week; I've done one verbal reminder ( we had a conversation several months back about it being unacceptable toiexpect me to do all the birthday shit... I don't see him reminding me when its my fathers birthday let alone picking out something he may like) I wait with baited breath to see what happens. I'm resisting the urge to buy something though I am fond of FIL and don't want him upset. Why the fuck are men so crap?

Men will generally be as lazy about grunt work as they are allowed to be - women need to just stop doing it from day 1 - life is too short to be his "mum"

What is this idea of 'wife work' of which you speak? 31 years of marriage and I've never bought cards for his family, nor presents unless I've specifically thought of/found something lovely in which case I'd check with him and then buy it (no I wouldn't ask for the money - we don't roll like that). Yes I cook (I prefer my cooking) and he empties the bin (I have a wanky shoulder), but he would never expect me to manage his life for him, he'd hate it. Sweetheart, looking after his filial ties has never been your responsibility.

My DH doesn't keep up with it, which gives me a choice of hurting his lovely family or carrying on.

It's caused rows. A lot of rows. He is the classic helpless male.

When I go back to work (am currently off) we are never going back to this wife work thing. Period.

Get your husband to download the TouchNote app, input in all his families birthdays - the app will remind him to send a card which can just be done from his phone. It’s very hassle free. You can include nice personal photos and the card is sent through the post.

good on you im sick of being the one who sorts everything too, ill take a leaf out of your book x

Get your husband to download the TouchNote app, input in all his families birthdays - the app will remind him

Is this serious?

This is all very well and good. I did the same thing, but that resulted in his elderly parents not getting Christmas or birthday cards or gifts 😞 so so sad as we haven't seen them either. His mum was in hospital recently, I suggested he should send her a card, didn't happen.

*My DH doesn't keep up with it, which gives me a choice of hurting his lovely family or carrying on.

It's caused rows. A lot of rows. He is the classic helpless male.*

Gives him a choice of hurting his family.
Why is that your responsibility?

. If you do want to keep the other family happy then you can train your DH to do the cards and presents.

Training your OH?

A simple sentence or two will do. " Sort out your own family" sounds about right.

I did send presents to SIL kids as she sent a lovely present for mine. Otherwise DH is on his own so his family don't get anything usually for anything.

I can appreciate it is hard when you have a good relationship with inlaws.
But we have to step back and think - would my Oh be the one to remember my sister's/brother's/mothers birthday?

Does this happen? Why?

My partner does his family, I do mine. We're both adults so can do that.

You bought them presents, and as soon as you found out they weren't doing presents you sent then all back?!
So you only buy stuff if you expect to get a present back. No wonder your life is stressful

Not in a million years would my DH remember birthdays or buy Christmas presents for my side of the family, so why on earth would I do his? The only downside is that his presents are often awful, and some people assume that I would have bought them (being the wife 'n' all)

The answers on this thread are making me so sad, so many women are so desperate not to be used that they say quite unkind things. My husband and I have different gifts to bring to the marriage, mine is remembering birthdays and anniversaries and I am more than happy to take this on for the whole family

I never even started doing this for my DH - I'll write birthdays etc on the calendar and remind him but his family, up to him to sort. I feel a bit bad when it comes to Christmas cards for friends as they are my friends now too, but nahhh, I've enough to do!