To be sick to death of male violence against women?!

[Conkergame]

Kilmarnock attacks: Mother and daughter killed and man dies in crash www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-glasgow-west-55948245

Just read about the poor mother and daughter killed in Kilmarnock by what sounds like the mother’s husband/partner. When will this stop?! And when will it be taken seriously as the misogynistic hate crime that it clearly is?!

Feeling even more fed up with it than usual as I also had a scary incident this week where I went for a run with a friend in the centre of a city at 6pm and got harassed by a man

I’d been so looking forward to going out, getting some fresh air and catching up with my friend and then some d1ckhead had to ruin it by running alongside us saying “I want sex with you, I want sex with you” over and over again. When I turned to confront him and told him to “shut up and go away”, he turned nasty, raised his hand as if to hit me and said, “you trying to mess with me?” in a really menacing way. I’m mid-thirties and haven’t had to deal with this sh1t in a while but it left me really shaken (we ended up sprinting for our lives and trying to ask for help from a stranger, who just ignored us ) Luckily the weird guy got bored and stopped following us eventually, but who knows what could have happened

AIBU to think there needs to be much more effort made to reduce male violence and harassment against women in the UK?

@AfternoonToffee

What made me really angry was the Deputy First Minister saying that it was particularly shocking it happened at a NHS hospital after the events of the last year.

No it is irrelevant where it happened, two women killed and you just blither on about the NHS. If she had also been killed on the street would that have made it less shocking? FFS

And the way the BBC reported it yesterday was that the women died, and then the man died. It didn't use the words 'violent' and 'murder' at all in a five minute piece.

And the way the BBC reported it yesterday was that the women died, and then the man died. It didn't use the words 'violent' and 'murder' at all in a five minute piece.

I noticed that. That's often the way such stories are told, making the man out to be a victim as well.

@IEat

I’m sick to death of violence by women against men being underrepresented . Some Women are as vile as some men

As said feel free to start a thread about this subject, maybe put a link on here so that people can join if they want to? Have you started a support group with other men to discuss the problem? That's what we are doing here, we are mostly women supporting other women with the problem of male violence against women. No one is stopping men from helping each other and supporting each other to deal with problems that men face, and yet you are here trying to disrupt women who are supporting each other, why is that?

@NeedToKnow101 I’m actually going to put a complaint in to the BBC about their reporting here. Maybe if everyone else supportive on this thread did so too, it might make them think about how they report similar situations in future?

@IEat I’ve lived in lots of different places and done a number of different jobs so I’d say I know more people than most. I don’t know a single man who has suffered violence or harassment at the hands of women. But most women I know have been assaulted or harassed by men multiple times. Take your misogyny elsewhere. A site for mums is not the place.

Well, it took a while at least for WATM and WDIT to get a foothold in this thread, but it got there in the end 🙄

The thing that always baffles me, that I really don’t get about the urge to report these things as “great guy snaps” is why this is the preferred narrative. Why is it more comforting to imagine that an otherwise top bloke could suddenly one day, out of the blue, up and murder his loved ones, than to understand that it’s vastly more likely that a man who does this has a history of domestic abuse of which murder is a possible outcome?

I don’t get it. I guess it leaves the way open to blame the woman for provoking him, and it’s probably easier for family and friends to plead ignorance, but still... I watched one report of a family annihilation where a neighbour declined to go for the great guy snaps narrative and said “ he was always a cunt”, which felt much more honest.

Just to clarify my post:
WATM- what about the men
WDIT- women do it too.

They’re such common, idiotic, what abouting, deflecting reactions to talking about male violence that they have their own acronyms. That’s how hard it is to keep the topic focused on male violence against women and girls.

@IEat

Yeah I agree with the people above. Go start your own bloody 'not all men are like that' and 'women do it too' thread.

It's grossly offensive to post that shit on here.

What I hate is that there is such a huge counterculture talking about violence/assault against men when really that is much, much more rare. Yes it's an issue that deserves support and resources but don't let it overshadow the main issue. Ie. how everyone was frothing at the mouth for Amber Heard when it turned out they BOTH were abusing each other.

Every woman I know has an assault/harassment story about a man. It's not the same with men. A survey found that the biggest fear on a blind date was, for women, that they would be killed. For men, it was that their date didn't look like the picture.

No Electra like others, and me, explained men can (and should, isn’t the privileged class using their privilege and power to benefit the oppressed class the bare fucking minimum and member of said privileged owes us) be feminist allies or feminist supporters. But they can’t be feminists.

Feminism is the political movement for the liberation of women. Men can and should aid that, stand up for us, but in no way is feminism for them. It needs to remain centred on females. Female voices.

White people can and should fight racism. The same we we are telling men male violence is their problem to solve. But that isn’t feminisms job to fix anymore than blm to centre white peoples opinions on racism. Blm is allowed to exist just for black people the same way feminism is allowed to be just for females.

There is no other political movement ever that is expected to be inclusive this way. The communist party isn’t expected to accept that capitalist can be communists too. It’s the same principle.

Actually Sophie part of the comfort with suggesting he’s a nice guy otherwise I think is to do with how blaming women gives us false sense of comfort and security.

As a victim of csa it’s a pretty standard coping mechanism to blame ourselves. Part of it is without doubt the misogyny and victim blame we see everywhere from birth.

But part of it is a seen as a protective function.

If as vulnerable victims we faced that there is no control over how abusers target us, that the blame and control is entirely there’s always, that becomes too scary a reality to hold onto while living in terror as a victim. Self blame allows us to find comfort in the narrative that I provoked him so if I don’t do x y z then I can avoid provoking him tomorrow. It’s a false illusion of security of course, but while trapped as a victim is serves to give some form of comfort. As this often gets internalised young it’s hard to unpick, even with decent therapy.

Looking outward at the social scale of this it then becomes easier to think well he was a nice enough guy so she provoked him, as opposed to yet another dangerous violent man I’m at risk from. It allows us to think we can modify our own behaviour to avoid said violent men targeting us.

I’m not saying I ever consciously thought this. But as a teen I would have automatically fallen into this.

A great deal if it is just misogynistic victim blaming, but as so many girls are already victims by the time we become teens/adults it’s like this false coping mechanism leaves us pregroomed to buy into that more, or not see through it as quickly or something.

Yanbu of course. It makes me so sad to think of the abuse she probably endured and for how long before she was killed.

Also i'm sorry that you had to put up with that mans behaviour when you were running with your friend. He obviously felt comfortable enough that he knew his behaviour wouldnt be challenged, or didnt care, and i doubt it was the first time he did it.

I don't argue with men on social media I have learned the hard way - I want to discuss with women on a forum that seems to have a woman friendly basis unlike other social media platforms

Agree iwillsqueak with so much of what you are saying.

My own personal journey from internalising self blame to understanding what happened to me as being part of a big picture of endemic violence against women and girls has been one of mixed emotions.

I'd rather live in a world where it had only happened to me and that was because I am bad. The reality, which is that it happens to at least * 1 in 4 women is so so much scarier. I might not be bad after all, but there sure as fuck must be a lot of women hating men out there.

• I think this figure is even higher. Amongst my friends it is. And not a single one of us has felt able to take any of the crimes committed against us to the police.

@RandomLondoner

male violence against women is a an ideological, arguably triply bigoted phrase.

It implies that

• violence against men doesn't matter
• violence (however much less) perpetrated by women doesn't matter
• that the ninety-something percent of males who don't commit violence are in the same moral category as those who do.

Try just being against violence. Then you'd just be a bore cluttering up the forum with the blindingly obvious.

The phrase male violence against women is double-speak, intended to create a discussion context that serves a political agenda.

Bike Locks!

Interestingly, I've noticed too that if i'm out walking with a friend or my daughter and we pass someone maybe closer than 2m away, the only people who ever shout at us are men! It has never happened when I've been out with my OH only when I'm with another female.

I bet they wouldn't be so quick to shout rude insults to a couple of 6ft blokes passing them!

Here here !

@redpencil77 Where did I give the impression that I didn't find the case horrific? The fact that so many men react with fury when a relationship ends and kill or maim their ex-partners, for reasons that can only be a desire for revenge, IS horrific and it does seem to be an almost exclusively male reaction.

The people who never move for me are always blokes. They either don't care about social distancing or expect me to walk in the mud to maintain distance.

@99victoria

Interestingly, I've noticed too that if i'm out walking with a friend or my daughter and we pass someone maybe closer than 2m away, the only people who ever shout at us are men! It has never happened when I've been out with my OH only when I'm with another female.

I bet they wouldn't be so quick to shout rude insults to a couple of 6ft blokes passing them!

Typical "police" attacking women

@99victoria

Interestingly, I've noticed too that if i'm out walking with a friend or my daughter and we pass someone maybe closer than 2m away, the only people who ever shout at us are men! It has never happened when I've been out with my OH only when I'm with another female.

I bet they wouldn't be so quick to shout rude insults to a couple of 6ft blokes passing them!

Of course not! the whole point of harassing people is that you choose someone who is easy to intimidate, or if you like a bit of a challenge perhaps you choose someone who might retaliate and then you feel justified in harassing them further because you want to punish them for daring to talk back

I agree with you OP and I'm sick to death of some idiot always coming on threads like this whining "but women can abuse men too!"- just piss right off. We know that! but proportionally, men murder, abuse and oppress women at FAR greater rates than the other way around and its a discussion that needs to be had without it being derailed by some mansplaining twat

[quote Downton57]@redpencil77 Where did I give the impression that I didn't find the case horrific? The fact that so many men react with fury when a relationship ends and kill or maim their ex-partners, for reasons that can only be a desire for revenge, IS horrific and it does seem to be an almost exclusively male reaction.[/quote]
You didn't, I was agreeing with you

What I hate is that there is such a huge counterculture talking about violence/assault against men when really that is much, much more rare.

I can't remember the stats for hospital admissions etc, but men are more likely to be victims of violence/assault, no?

@IstandwithJackieWeaver

The people who never move for me are always blokes. They either don't care about social distancing or expect me to walk in the mud to maintain distance.

Re. Jackie Weaver - off to o ic a bit - sje was handling a council meeting, there was swearing, she was hostimg the meeting so she terminated the connection with the man. Then the second man screamed at her - the one next to him swore. So she cut theirs too. She kept her cool as 3 men were outraged a woman had the ability to treat them like that - they took personal offence that she had the power rather than decide to rein themselves in