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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be sick to death of male violence against women?!

245 replies

Conkergame · 05/02/2021 18:23

Kilmarnock attacks: Mother and daughter killed and man dies in crash www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-glasgow-west-55948245

Just read about the poor mother and daughter killed in Kilmarnock by what sounds like the mother’s husband/partner. When will this stop?! And when will it be taken seriously as the misogynistic hate crime that it clearly is?!

Feeling even more fed up with it than usual as I also had a scary incident this week where I went for a run with a friend in the centre of a city at 6pm and got harassed by a man Angry

I’d been so looking forward to going out, getting some fresh air and catching up with my friend and then some d1ckhead had to ruin it by running alongside us saying “I want sex with you, I want sex with you” over and over again. When I turned to confront him and told him to “shut up and go away”, he turned nasty, raised his hand as if to hit me and said, “you trying to mess with me?” in a really menacing way. I’m mid-thirties and haven’t had to deal with this sh1t in a while but it left me really shaken (we ended up sprinting for our lives and trying to ask for help from a stranger, who just ignored us Sad ) Luckily the weird guy got bored and stopped following us eventually, but who knows what could have happened Sad

AIBU to think there needs to be much more effort made to reduce male violence and harassment against women in the UK?

OP posts:
Sacreblue · 05/02/2021 23:23

Besides which we’re too busy minding kids, running houses, caring for parents, doing housework, doing wifework, working more hours (because we get less money)

And coping with the day to day bombardment of misogyny at all levels.

And that’s before adding dealing with racism, ableism or any other ‘extra’ ways its possible to discriminate.

We don’t rise up as one mass because if we did society might fall apart without us there to underpin it with our (often unpaid) work and our (mostly unacknowledged and unappreciated) care.

We have enough to do - can’t men get off their lazy fucking arses and do something other than mindless violence or wanking themselves to death for FIVE FUCKING MINUTES and just do something positive for the world instead?

redpencil77 · 05/02/2021 23:25

@Downton57

Why did he murder them though? If a person is grief stricken I can understand the wish to end ones life, but why take others with you? That's about revenge, and it's far too often the male reaction when women make them angry
Men do murder women and children though. Just because it's hard to understand why does not make it not horrific.
VestaTilley · 05/02/2021 23:26

I agree completely.

Rest in peace Emma and Nicole. It’s just appalling.

It’s good the Govt have a Domestic Violence Bill going through Parliament, but nothing’s changed in years. Nobody even collated stats on women killed before Karen Ingala-Smith started the femicide census.

Women in our society are utterly hated. And sadly hundreds of us are killed every year- because we are female.

I’m so sorry you were harassed, OP. That should be illegal too. It’s happened to me and I hate it. So frightening, and so enraging.

Men treat us like shit.

grassisjeweled · 05/02/2021 23:29

Another reason I'm glad to live abroad

grassisjeweled · 05/02/2021 23:29

We have enough to do - can’t men get off their lazy fucking arses and do something other than mindless violence or wanking themselves to death for FIVE FUCKING MINUTES and just do something positive for the world instead?

^

This.

grassisjeweled · 05/02/2021 23:30

Men have it too good to stand up for women.

IWillSqueakAgain · 05/02/2021 23:35

I’ve never heard that saying before but I like it.

As an aside I have the loveliest, most respectful considerate male dogs possible. They’ve always been able to tell me and the girls are different from dh and they’ve always been much more gentle with us, even as chewy puppies. They are the kind of dogs that would kill everyone with love and cuddles. Yet the minute a strange man comes too close to me or the girls they change into wolves protecting us. It’s very strange to see this instinct to protect women this way, they don’t do it for dh.

I’ve always found stallions that way too (not geldings, cut their bollocks off & they become stupid as fuck) very protective over women. A friends stallion suddenly changed around her and refused to let her mount him, would just gently move away, and guarded her against other horses and men. Turned out she was pregnant but didn’t know yet. But her stallion just knew and stepped up to protect her instinctively.

So there’s something about being male in other speicies that doesn’t inherently involve violence and dominance. So there’s no reason male humans have to be violent or enable other men to be violent. It’s very much a choice. Maybe not a concuous one a lot of the time, they are socialised as they grow up too, but it’s a choice they can easily become conscious of if they choose too. Men have freedom not to misuse their power over us if we mattered enough to them.

redpencil77 · 05/02/2021 23:36

@Pteppic

Im a man and I agree with you wholeheartedly. To my shame I was unaware of the scale of the issue but MN has really opened my eyes to just quite how shitty some men can be. I'm sorry it's taken so long for me to realise.

The violence is sickening and I feel the roots are in all the smaller acts that the me too movement highlighted a couple of years back. If that's ok, in their mind, then the next step is ok and so on. I've tried explaining to some idiots who think it's no big deal. Don't say or do anything that you wouldn't want big Jimmy on D-Wing saying / doing to you once the cell door's been locked for the night.

I'm sorry OP. We need parental input while boys are growing up and much harder sentencing when they're caught so that it finally gets taken as seriously as it ought to be.

Good male role models, more educated and admitting so here as you have, can only be a force for good for boys growing up. Thank you for stepping up
IWillSqueakAgain · 05/02/2021 23:38

Sorry that was to fox, I liked the saying she used.

Cheesypea · 05/02/2021 23:43

I've got the rage now.
I didn't understand the coverage on bbc radio- now I know they were deliberately omissive.

redpencil77 · 05/02/2021 23:44

@grassisjeweled

Men have it too good to stand up for women.
Succinct and so true
Penistoe · 05/02/2021 23:48

The way the media reports on this issue is a big factor. Labelling them ‘crimes of passion’ or focusing a divorce or other ‘justification’. They should say violent abuser murders wife/girlfriend/daughter but they never do...it makes me angry!

redpencil77 · 05/02/2021 23:51

@IWillSqueakAgain

I’ve never heard that saying before but I like it.

As an aside I have the loveliest, most respectful considerate male dogs possible. They’ve always been able to tell me and the girls are different from dh and they’ve always been much more gentle with us, even as chewy puppies. They are the kind of dogs that would kill everyone with love and cuddles. Yet the minute a strange man comes too close to me or the girls they change into wolves protecting us. It’s very strange to see this instinct to protect women this way, they don’t do it for dh.

I’ve always found stallions that way too (not geldings, cut their bollocks off & they become stupid as fuck) very protective over women. A friends stallion suddenly changed around her and refused to let her mount him, would just gently move away, and guarded her against other horses and men. Turned out she was pregnant but didn’t know yet. But her stallion just knew and stepped up to protect her instinctively.

So there’s something about being male in other speicies that doesn’t inherently involve violence and dominance. So there’s no reason male humans have to be violent or enable other men to be violent. It’s very much a choice. Maybe not a concuous one a lot of the time, they are socialised as they grow up too, but it’s a choice they can easily become conscious of if they choose too. Men have freedom not to misuse their power over us if we mattered enough to them.

This is so interesting.

Probably we evolved to sapience was because of the male role we have allowed them. I think it's the demand on the planet's resources with overpopulation causing competition in demand for precedence and priority, existing laws can't cope, demand to give your children at least as good opportunities you had has resulted in on the one hand people - women, or men if the women make them face up to reality - using food banks to get the minimum nutrition into their childrens' bodies as they can while providing them a home that might be heated depending if he brings the wages home and clothed if their neighbour has a sort out and at the same time girls wanting to puberty blockers and physical surgery to change their bodies into another gender.

Possibly even in the same school with no-one seemingly giving a flying fig as to why that might be.

redpencil77 · 05/02/2021 23:52

@Cheesypea

I've got the rage now. I didn't understand the coverage on bbc radio- now I know they were deliberately omissive.
The BBC being deliberately omissive? I would never have believed -
  • oh, wait
Marinaloves · 05/02/2021 23:58

Women need to rise up
FUCK MY LIFE Confused

redpencil77 · 05/02/2021 23:58

I didn't mean to soumd sexist about "him bringing the wages home". Better put might be, "him choosing less thoughtful uses of his wages than feeding and clothing his family like a new set of trainers"

PotDaffodil · 05/02/2021 23:58

YADNBU. I grew up with abusive males on street corners in the 80s, and that was before the population exploded and women's rights were re-interpreted as 'it's empowering to give men everything they want'. They are so over-sexed and entitled now. I am scared for my dd's future and I'm already telling her she should try to leave this bloody country. It is particularly aggressive and violent here compared to elsewhere in Europe, and things will only get worse as the economy fails.

redpencil77 · 05/02/2021 23:59

@Marinaloves

Women need to rise up FUCK MY LIFE Confused
Is this sarcasm. Because if you think so and aren't doing it you are as bad.
redpencil77 · 06/02/2021 00:00

Worse if you are a woman amd know rhe discrimination and therefore allow it to happen. You first, Marialoves

Bertiebiscuit · 06/02/2021 00:03

Barack Obama was completely correct when he said that male violence against women is the number 1 problem throughout the world (not his actual words just the gist) but only men can solve this one - why are decent right thinking men up in arms about this every day?

redpencil77 · 06/02/2021 00:03

@PotDaffodil

YADNBU. I grew up with abusive males on street corners in the 80s, and that was before the population exploded and women's rights were re-interpreted as 'it's empowering to give men everything they want'. They are so over-sexed and entitled now. I am scared for my dd's future and I'm already telling her she should try to leave this bloody country. It is particularly aggressive and violent here compared to elsewhere in Europe, and things will only get worse as the economy fails.
I have DSs not DDs, I could not bear to think of girls growing up these days, we need to actively protect them outside of school/social services, etc, give them the education we had in terms of looking out for each other, and that being treated by men like they are these days is abnormal and life has not always been like that. Unemployment and overcompetitiveness on jobs means mens' egos can't handle it so they take it out on women
redpencil77 · 06/02/2021 00:04

@Bertiebiscuit

Barack Obama was completely correct when he said that male violence against women is the number 1 problem throughout the world (not his actual words just the gist) but only men can solve this one - why are decent right thinking men up in arms about this every day?
Men are up in arms because they think something is being taken away from them
Marinaloves · 06/02/2021 00:04

@redpencil77
Calm down! I was agreeing with you! I am astounded that someone said women need to stand up and men will follow.
What utter shit. As if we haven’t been standing up!

Bertiebiscuit · 06/02/2021 00:05

Why aren't men so ashamed that women need Refuges from them that they actually Do something about this problem? It defines all women's lives all over the world

Marinaloves · 06/02/2021 00:07

The problem is. It’s shame
That’s how abuse exists
Your man there, killed his family. Probably everyone will be SHOCK HORROR. That ain’t the save I know. He wouldn’t harm a fly. Solid as a rock
Loved his family.
Etc etc
It’s shameful to be abused.