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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DP has royally pissed me off

157 replies

Angryangry65 · 05/02/2021 13:34

I wfh now full time since March, DP is a teacher so 3 days he’s wfh.

I said last night about a new bagel place that’s opened that gets raving reviews. I asked if he wanted a bagel tomorrow - he said yes.

I ordered and paid to come today as a bit of a surprise. I wasn’t sure when they’d come, just around lunch. Door goes and I collect, excitedly hand over his bagel - he instantly goes “why would you do this when you know I’ve just brushed my teeth?” I then was a bit like, erm what...
He then just pulls a disgusted face, is rude about the whole thing, says the bagel is horrible (it’s not as nice as the place we normally go but it’s still good) and goes downstairs to get himself a drink and doesn’t bring me one.

At no point was thank you mentioned. I bought it as a treat, something he never does for me, he will always ask first or say “I was going to do this for you” but never does. All talk.

I’m just really upset that he can be so unappreciative and I’m really disgusted in him. I actually think this small thing, out of everything, has completely changed my opinion on him as a person.

The reaction I expected was a million miles from what I got

OP posts:

TheSpottedDog · 05/02/2021 13:37

Wtf? He thought the delivery had been on to coincide with him brushing his teeth??

shitinmyhandsandclap · 05/02/2021 13:38

Wow, how rude is he? I'd be telling him to shove it up his ungrateful arse next time...in fact, don't let there be a next time.

Why would he brush his teeth at lunchtime, could understand after lunch but not before

EternalOptimist7 · 05/02/2021 13:39

That’s a horrible reaction OP. Why would he have just cleaned his teeth at lunchtime for starters & even if he had, you wouldn’t necessarily know that as you were downstairs. Also, he had said he would like a bagel when you asked him! If he is generally unappreciative & never does anything for you, perhaps you would be better off without him.

MatildaTheCat · 05/02/2021 13:39

I’m just really upset that he can be so unappreciative and I’m really disgusted in him. I actually think this small thing, out of everything, has completely changed my opinion on him as a person

If this really is an isolated incident then sorry but I think lockdown is getting to you and you need to get yourself out for some fresh air.

If he’s frequently a rude and unappreciative git then tell him so and demand change.

Meggymoo777 · 05/02/2021 13:39

“why would you do this when you know I’ve just brushed my teeth?”

Wtf??? I'm sorry that I'm laughing but this is utterly ridiculous...

Does he have form for this kind of nastiness/ridiculousness?

CuriousaboutSamphire · 05/02/2021 13:40

Wow! He sounds self absotbed. Does he think the sun rises and sets in tme for his sleepy byes?

Have you told him how rude and simissive he was?

CuriousaboutSamphire · 05/02/2021 13:40

dismissive, even!

ZoeTurtle · 05/02/2021 13:41

What an odd reaction from him. Is he often like this or was it really out of character?

2020iscancelled · 05/02/2021 13:42

Well that would be the last time I would include him in a nice surprise.

Next week get yourself something delivered and when he asks where his is say “oh I didn’t get you one as you didn’t enjoy the last one”

If this was a one off I’d probably just call him a dickhead under my breath but if it’s just one instance of him being an utter tosser then I’d be thinking about whether I want to live long term with such a joy sponge

Eckhart · 05/02/2021 13:43

If it's a one off, he's got something else going on. Decent people respond in that way when they're feeling massively got at/unfairly victimised.

If it's not a one off, what's he normally like? Is this the bagel that broke the camel's back? I sense it might be, because if it was a one off in an otherwise healthy relationship, you'd be talking to him about it, rather than posting on a forum.

shitinmyhandsandclap · 05/02/2021 13:44

@MatildaTheCat

If this really is an isolated incident then sorry but I think lockdown is getting to you and you need to get yourself out for some fresh air.

If he’s frequently a rude and unappreciative git then tell him so and demand change.

Lockdown is getting to OP? I totally disagree with that, I'd be totally pissed off if my DP spoke to me in that way. It was rude, ungrateful and totally unnecessary and I'd be telling him so

KatyClaire · 05/02/2021 13:45

That is so rude and ungrateful / yanbu at all

Conkergame · 05/02/2021 13:46

Wow, how ungrateful! I bought my DH some clothes as a surprise the other week. They didn’t fit and he didn’t really like them so we’ve returned them but he was still very appreciative of the thought!

knittingaddict · 05/02/2021 13:50

I'm getting a hint of bigger issues than just this one occasion. Is that right op?

He sounds horrible and unkind.

MatildaTheCat · 05/02/2021 13:50

@shitinmyhandsandclap I agree it’s fine to be pissed off with him but OP says it’s totally changed her opinion of her husband as a person. That, in my opinion, is an overreaction and likely to be a response to the whole situation not just an ungrateful and ungracious reaction from him.

PrawnPower · 05/02/2021 13:51

This is really weird. He sounds like a horrible person.

knittingaddict · 05/02/2021 13:52

By bigger issues I meant that the dp sounds nasty and not that the op herself is the problem. I can't see why anyone would think that he treated the op like that for a good reason.

DreadAndFear · 05/02/2021 13:53

Must be a bigger picture here.

Is he often like this OP?

FetchezLaVache · 05/02/2021 13:54

Judging by this one snapshot, he sounds like a right fucking ratbag. Is it normal for him to get himself a drink but not you?

knittingaddict · 05/02/2021 13:55

[quote MatildaTheCat]@shitinmyhandsandclap I agree it’s fine to be pissed off with him but OP says it’s totally changed her opinion of her husband as a person. That, in my opinion, is an overreaction and likely to be a response to the whole situation not just an ungrateful and ungracious reaction from him.[/quote]
Did you not read this bit:

At no point was thank you mentioned. I bought it as a treat, something he never does for me, he will always ask first or say “I was going to do this for you” but never does. All talk.

shitinmyhandsandclap · 05/02/2021 13:55

I've been in a verbally abusive relationship though so that may have skewed my view

Buttercream22 · 05/02/2021 14:01

Wow.....is he normally like this? If this was my DH then I would take the bagel back and scoff them both!! He sounds horrible....sorry OP!

SakuraEdenSwan1 · 05/02/2021 14:04

He is a teacher, say no more!

Original poster

Angryangry65 · 05/02/2021 14:05

In lockdown he’s become really short with me. Which I usually brush off.

I think I’m quite an annoying person sometimes as I ask a lot of questions about things / talk a lot. So sometimes If he makes a noise like a grrr or hmpf I’ll say “what’s that?/wrong?) and he will say something like “fuck off” if he’s in the middle of something. But I let that go. I’ve asked him to be more careful in how he speaks to me.

I ordered it last night for today, it’s preorder so I didn’t pick the time - just “lunch”. It’s a small local business.

OP posts:

InkyPinkyPonky95 · 05/02/2021 14:07

What a jerk :( sorry he was so horrible to you.

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