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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP has royally pissed me off

157 replies

Angryangry65 · 05/02/2021 13:34

I wfh now full time since March, DP is a teacher so 3 days he’s wfh.

I said last night about a new bagel place that’s opened that gets raving reviews. I asked if he wanted a bagel tomorrow - he said yes.

I ordered and paid to come today as a bit of a surprise. I wasn’t sure when they’d come, just around lunch. Door goes and I collect, excitedly hand over his bagel - he instantly goes “why would you do this when you know I’ve just brushed my teeth?” I then was a bit like, erm what...
He then just pulls a disgusted face, is rude about the whole thing, says the bagel is horrible (it’s not as nice as the place we normally go but it’s still good) and goes downstairs to get himself a drink and doesn’t bring me one.

At no point was thank you mentioned. I bought it as a treat, something he never does for me, he will always ask first or say “I was going to do this for you” but never does. All talk.

I’m just really upset that he can be so unappreciative and I’m really disgusted in him. I actually think this small thing, out of everything, has completely changed my opinion on him as a person.

The reaction I expected was a million miles from what I got Sad

OP posts:
Lostinthemail · 05/02/2021 14:08

If I were you I would order myself the nicest takeaway I can find for tonight and when he asks where his food is, I’d say I wouldn’t want to interfere with his tooth brushing schedule. If he apologizes, you’ll know he’s not a complete jerk.

shitinmyhandsandclap · 05/02/2021 14:09

He tells you to fuck off when you're trying to talk to him? He sounds delightful.

JaimeLeeCurtains · 05/02/2021 14:11

Well, as pp have asked, is this rude bonkersness out of character for him?

Toorapid · 05/02/2021 14:12

It's so ridiculous there must surely have been a misunderstanding. It doesn't seem like this is a usual reaction for OP's husband.

Brefugee · 05/02/2021 14:12

In your shoes? (because i am Queen Petty from the Land of the Petty People) I'd order something for myself every day. And make myself plenty of drinks for myself. And cook dinner for myself. And so on. Until i got a grovelling apology and a change of attitude from him.

Original poster
Angryangry65 · 05/02/2021 14:12

He can be rude / short. In general not. His temper has got so much worse lately though. He gets really angry with his school computer (it is awful) which puts him in a bad mood and almost decides how he will act for the rest of the day. When he goes to work he’s lovely

OP posts:
Thelnebriati · 05/02/2021 14:13

“why would you do this when you know I’ve just brushed my teeth?” isnt ok as a one off, its taken an attempt to do something nice and twisted it into a personal attack.

Lostinthemail · 05/02/2021 14:13

@Angryangry65

In lockdown he’s become really short with me. Which I usually brush off.

I think I’m quite an annoying person sometimes as I ask a lot of questions about things / talk a lot. So sometimes If he makes a noise like a grrr or hmpf I’ll say “what’s that?/wrong?) and he will say something like “fuck off” if he’s in the middle of something. But I let that go. I’ve asked him to be more careful in how he speaks to me.

I ordered it last night for today, it’s preorder so I didn’t pick the time - just “lunch”. It’s a small local business.

Please stop blaming yourself for his horrible behaviour. He is an absolute waste of space. You deserve better!
Ponoka7 · 05/02/2021 14:15

He's treating you like shit because he can. Start to pull him up and depending on his attitude, start to reconsider the relationship. Being spoken to like that will eat away at your self esteem.

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 05/02/2021 14:16

@Angryangry65

He can be rude / short. In general not. His temper has got so much worse lately though. He gets really angry with his school computer (it is awful) which puts him in a bad mood and almost decides how he will act for the rest of the day. When he goes to work he’s lovely
Well, he can do what the Support have to do, then - buy a new laptop and stop whining.

(Typed on my own laptop whilst I'm eating my breakfast, as work has been incredibly busy as usual today)

Whyyyyyythough · 05/02/2021 14:18

I can’t imagine being excited to hand my DH a bagel

PrawnPower · 05/02/2021 14:19

@Angryangry65

He can be rude / short. In general not. His temper has got so much worse lately though. He gets really angry with his school computer (it is awful) which puts him in a bad mood and almost decides how he will act for the rest of the day. When he goes to work he’s lovely

Of course he's lovely at work. If he acted like that to other adults they'd laugh in his face. Having tantrums like a child for goodness sake. His behaviour towards you is pathetic.

Santaiscovidfree · 05/02/2021 14:21

How dare you assume to eat lunch at lunch time.. I bloody hope you ate both bagels op..
Make a mental note to stop doing anything for him..
And another note to add up his twat moments.. When they get too many to count start making plans to Ltb.

BlueThistles · 05/02/2021 14:23

@Angryangry65

He can be rude / short. In general not. His temper has got so much worse lately though. He gets really angry with his school computer (it is awful) which puts him in a bad mood and almost decides how he will act for the rest of the day. When he goes to work he’s lovely

reading this... it sounds like he dislike being at home OP...

you know you deserve better ... you sound so very kind 🌺

EternalOptimist7 · 05/02/2021 14:23

He tells you to F off?! My DH would never speak to me like that, not even in anger!

Original poster
Angryangry65 · 05/02/2021 14:24

Sorry I mean, he’s lovely to me when he’s been at work / not been working from home all day

OP posts:
Lostinthemail · 05/02/2021 14:25

@Angryangry65

Sorry I mean, he’s lovely to me when he’s been at work / not been working from home all day
Because he takes it out on his poor students?
RightOnTheEdge · 05/02/2021 14:27

You should have shoved the bagel where the sun don't shine!

I bought it as a treat, something he never does for me

Next time order yourself a treat don't bother getting one for this ungrateful scrotum.
If he asks where his is say "sorry I didn't order you one in case it clashes with your toothbrushing schedule"

Aiaiaicorona · 05/02/2021 14:28

I’d be more upset at being told to fuck off when I ask him what the grunt was! Yes he was rude today too but the bigger picture isn’t great.

Butterymuffin · 05/02/2021 14:28

By 'lovely' do you mean 'polite as you would normally expect a person to be'?

You're putting up with shit here. Never mind asking him to speak to you more nicely, tell him you're fed up of being spoken to like dirt and you are reconsidering being in a relationship where he doesn't see that as a problem.

Stop doing things for him as well. Keep the treats for yourself. He's got used to the idea that you'll do stuff like this without him having to reciprocate or even speak with normal politeness and respect.

Aquamarine1029 · 05/02/2021 14:32

So sometimes If he makes a noise like a grrr or hmpf I’ll say “what’s that?/wrong?) and he will say something like “fuck off” if he’s in the middle of something. But I let that go.

My husband and I have never once spoken to each other like that. You really need to raise your standards. Why would you put up with this?

Original poster
Angryangry65 · 05/02/2021 14:32

He does do things for me like buy me things- he just would never surprise me or take initiative.

OP posts:
AbsitivelyPosolutely · 05/02/2021 14:34

Fuck that shit.

Next time just order for you and eat it in front of him.

LalalalalalaLand123 · 05/02/2021 14:37

Does he have any redeeming features? He sounds like a class-A knob. Life is too short to spend any of it with someone like that.

TinyCake · 05/02/2021 14:38

@Lostinthemail

If I were you I would order myself the nicest takeaway I can find for tonight and when he asks where his food is, I’d say I wouldn’t want to interfere with his tooth brushing schedule. If he apologizes, you’ll know he’s not a complete jerk.
This.

The teeth brushing thing is a talk weird response. He could have said "ah I've just brushed my teeth I'll have it a bit later" would have been fine. But his reaction was just weird!

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