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AIBU?

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Original poster

DP has royally pissed me off

157 replies

Angryangry65 · 05/02/2021 13:34

I wfh now full time since March, DP is a teacher so 3 days he’s wfh.

I said last night about a new bagel place that’s opened that gets raving reviews. I asked if he wanted a bagel tomorrow - he said yes.

I ordered and paid to come today as a bit of a surprise. I wasn’t sure when they’d come, just around lunch. Door goes and I collect, excitedly hand over his bagel - he instantly goes “why would you do this when you know I’ve just brushed my teeth?” I then was a bit like, erm what...
He then just pulls a disgusted face, is rude about the whole thing, says the bagel is horrible (it’s not as nice as the place we normally go but it’s still good) and goes downstairs to get himself a drink and doesn’t bring me one.

At no point was thank you mentioned. I bought it as a treat, something he never does for me, he will always ask first or say “I was going to do this for you” but never does. All talk.

I’m just really upset that he can be so unappreciative and I’m really disgusted in him. I actually think this small thing, out of everything, has completely changed my opinion on him as a person.

The reaction I expected was a million miles from what I got Sad

OP posts:
Maddison12 · 05/02/2021 22:17

@Brefugee

In your shoes? (because i am Queen Petty from the Land of the Petty People) I'd order something for myself every day. And make myself plenty of drinks for myself. And cook dinner for myself. And so on. Until i got a grovelling apology and a change of attitude from him.
All of this^
fantasmasgoria1 · 05/02/2021 22:26

I would personally take a break from him. If it were my Fiance I would have told him he was ungrateful and nasty. But from the things you have written you come across as somewhat unhappy but you still think he's nice. But you also say he is pathetic. This is only my thoughts though.

fantasmasgoria1 · 05/02/2021 22:26

Sorry should have said these are only my thoughts!

HighSpecWhistle · 05/02/2021 22:27

[quote Angryangry65]@MyGazeboisLeaking tied through marriage and assets and dogs, not through children. I wouldn’t consider kids yet with this attitude.[/quote]
We all get stressed and argue. No doubt about it, especially during this pandemic.

But let's be clear, the way he speaks to you is awful. Telling you to fuck off, that you're thick. He can't (or won't) apologise or reflect on his actions towards you.

Why do you put up with it? Did your parents speak to each other like that? Maybe it seems normal or ok, but believe me, it's not. He needs to exercise control. We all get annoyed but insulting someone isn't on. And if he finds you that annoying, he shouldn't be with you.

Maddison12 · 05/02/2021 22:28

WTAF?? It just gets worse the more updates I read.

He also called you thick?

Sounds like getting spoken to like that is a regular occurrence.

Know your worth OP. Don't you feel like you deserve better?

SunshineCake · 05/02/2021 22:50

Who has previously shit all over you that your question isn't how do I leave the dickhead I live with?Sad.

Cocomarine · 05/02/2021 23:14

He sounds awful, but you’re not coming across much better saying something as awful as that he is, “outrageously not masculine” because he’s not good a DIY.

You deserve better than him... but he deserves better than you too 🤷🏻‍♀️

Your attitude there is disgusting.

intheenddoesitreallymatter · 05/02/2021 23:23

A conversation needs to be had tonight or tomorrow that includes the sentence 'You need to change the way you speak to me or you need to find somewhere new to live.'

You deserve more than this pitiful little man, OP. What does he teach by the way?

RestlessMillennial · 06/02/2021 00:56

LTB

redpencil77 · 06/02/2021 01:09

@Angryangry65

I wfh now full time since March, DP is a teacher so 3 days he’s wfh.

I said last night about a new bagel place that’s opened that gets raving reviews. I asked if he wanted a bagel tomorrow - he said yes.

I ordered and paid to come today as a bit of a surprise. I wasn’t sure when they’d come, just around lunch. Door goes and I collect, excitedly hand over his bagel - he instantly goes “why would you do this when you know I’ve just brushed my teeth?” I then was a bit like, erm what...
He then just pulls a disgusted face, is rude about the whole thing, says the bagel is horrible (it’s not as nice as the place we normally go but it’s still good) and goes downstairs to get himself a drink and doesn’t bring me one.

At no point was thank you mentioned. I bought it as a treat, something he never does for me, he will always ask first or say “I was going to do this for you” but never does. All talk.

I’m just really upset that he can be so unappreciative and I’m really disgusted in him. I actually think this small thing, out of everything, has completely changed my opinion on him as a person.

The reaction I expected was a million miles from what I got Sad

Hope you enjoyed both bagels, and you only buy for yourself from now on!
ineedtogooutlater · 06/02/2021 01:17

Op being told to fuck off and called thick is so far from normal. He's verbally abusive, you realise this? It's not an attitude thing. He's not going to change.

Divorce him and meet someone to have children with that values you.

ineedtogooutlater · 06/02/2021 01:20

*He sounds awful, but you’re not coming across much better saying something as awful as that he is, “outrageously not masculine” because he’s not good a DIY.

You deserve better than him... but he deserves better than you too 🤷🏻‍♀️

Your attitude there is disgusting*

That is absolutely nothing alike how he is speaking to op. He does not deserve better.

MrsTerryPratchett · 06/02/2021 01:32

I wouldn’t consider kids yet with this attitude.

I said the same about my awful first H. My current lovely DH pointed out that since I wouldn't put a child through it, it's entirely possible I shouldn't have put myself through it.

Clarity, it's a wonderful thing.

WhereYouLeftIt · 06/02/2021 01:36

@Angryangry65

In lockdown he’s become really short with me. Which I usually brush off.

I think I’m quite an annoying person sometimes as I ask a lot of questions about things / talk a lot. So sometimes If he makes a noise like a grrr or hmpf I’ll say “what’s that?/wrong?) and he will say something like “fuck off” if he’s in the middle of something. But I let that go. I’ve asked him to be more careful in how he speaks to me.

I ordered it last night for today, it’s preorder so I didn’t pick the time - just “lunch”. It’s a small local business.

I think you need to stop brushing it off. People will treat you how you allow them to treat you. This is not to blame you for how he chooses to behave; it is to point out that you you are under no obligation to allow him to treat you as he currently does. You can insist on him not being a dick to you.

If he told me to fuck off, I'd be responding with 'one more dick move from you and I will'. And mean it. That is no way to speak to your partner.

Pumpkintopf · 06/02/2021 01:42

Great and wise advice from Mrs Terry Pratchett above.

Dannydevitoiloveyourart · 06/02/2021 02:09

@Cocomarine

He sounds awful, but you’re not coming across much better saying something as awful as that he is, “outrageously not masculine” because he’s not good a DIY.

You deserve better than him... but he deserves better than you too 🤷🏻‍♀️

Your attitude there is disgusting.

Your attitude is disgusting to equate verbal and emotional abuse with a misguided opinion.

We all know what OP meant - and I’m sure she didn’t tell her husband he’s not masculine. I’m also certain OP knows that being “masculine” does not equate to good DIY skills and vice versa.

Imworthit · 06/02/2021 05:53

@BluebellsGreenbells

Next time, buy yourself a bagel.

If he comments, say well I was going to get you one ... stay silent and let him fume

Next time throw then bagel at his then throw him out.

I laughed so hard at how excited you were about a bagel 😂 I wouldn’t have noticed it was a treat.

Everything else you said about him is fucking discusting tho. Hes happy when he’s at work because he doesn’t love you

MrsBobDylan · 06/02/2021 09:31

It's your life and currently you are squandering it on a man who is rude and ungrateful.

You can waste precious time and energy trying to work out why he is like he is or why you chose to be with such a deficient man in the first place.

And what @MrsTerryPratchett said.

Cocomarine · 06/02/2021 09:37

@Dannydevitoiloveyourart if she knew it, and believed it, she wouldn’t come out with crap like that 🤷🏻‍♀️ Just because she’s by far the wronged party here, doesn’t mean she shouldn’t take a look at that toxic attitude.

honeylulu · 06/02/2021 09:38

So ... he tells you to fuck off when he thinks you're talking too much, disparages your efforts, calls you thick if you won't do things his way ... and this man is a teacher? I sure as hell wouldn't want him teaching my children!

billy1966 · 06/02/2021 10:04

Horrible man.

Glad you don't have children with him.

Is this all you want from life.

Living with a horribly emotionally abusive man?

You deserve better.
Flowers

Original poster
Angryangry65 · 06/02/2021 14:38

@Cocomarine he isn’t masculine. He happily accepts that and defines himself as “metrosexual”. There’s just something so gross watching a grown man being so incompetent putting up a shelf but when the woman comes along to help he gets angry at her. I’m better at DIY. Masculine and DIY didnt need to go in the same sentence.

Also there is nothing wrong with preferring someone to be masculine. He prefers me to be feminine - nails painted, hair long etc (his opinion of it)

OP posts:
BlueThistles · 06/02/2021 14:45

OP.... get rid of this clown 🌺

Cocomarine · 06/02/2021 14:47

[quote Angryangry65]@Cocomarine he isn’t masculine. He happily accepts that and defines himself as “metrosexual”. There’s just something so gross watching a grown man being so incompetent putting up a shelf but when the woman comes along to help he gets angry at her. I’m better at DIY. Masculine and DIY didnt need to go in the same sentence.

Also there is nothing wrong with preferring someone to be masculine. He prefers me to be feminine - nails painted, hair long etc (his opinion of it)[/quote]
Keep digging @Angryangry65 🙄

It’s fine for him to be “metrosexual”. It’s fine for you to say you prefer sin one who fits your perception of “masculine”. All personal preference.

But it’s not fine to say it gross - seriously, gross? - watching a man not able to do DIY. No doubt it’s also “gross” watching a woman who can’t bake a cake? Shitty attitude.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 06/02/2021 15:22

OP, I know it's hard to read people's comments about your relationship but do you understand that him telling you to fuck off and calling you thick is really really really far from normal?

It's so nasty of him and it's really unhealthy that you seem to gloss over it slightly and dismiss it as someone being a little bit grumpy on occasion. It's much more than that!

I don't mean that in an accusatory way towards you, I just think you need to know how your boundaries as to what is acceptable and what isnt are skewed Thanks