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AIBU?

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Original poster

DP has royally pissed me off

157 replies

Angryangry65 · 05/02/2021 13:34

I wfh now full time since March, DP is a teacher so 3 days he’s wfh.

I said last night about a new bagel place that’s opened that gets raving reviews. I asked if he wanted a bagel tomorrow - he said yes.

I ordered and paid to come today as a bit of a surprise. I wasn’t sure when they’d come, just around lunch. Door goes and I collect, excitedly hand over his bagel - he instantly goes “why would you do this when you know I’ve just brushed my teeth?” I then was a bit like, erm what...
He then just pulls a disgusted face, is rude about the whole thing, says the bagel is horrible (it’s not as nice as the place we normally go but it’s still good) and goes downstairs to get himself a drink and doesn’t bring me one.

At no point was thank you mentioned. I bought it as a treat, something he never does for me, he will always ask first or say “I was going to do this for you” but never does. All talk.

I’m just really upset that he can be so unappreciative and I’m really disgusted in him. I actually think this small thing, out of everything, has completely changed my opinion on him as a person.

The reaction I expected was a million miles from what I got Sad

OP posts:
JKRismyhero · 05/02/2021 14:38

He sounds like an arsehole

ZigZaggyZoo · 05/02/2021 14:39

Sounds to me he doesn't like surprises.
Also sounds like he's a rude bastard.
Stop surprising him & he needs to act like he cares about you.

littlepattilou · 05/02/2021 14:41

@Angryangry65 YANBU, he sounds like a miserable, bad-tempered arsehole. LTB.

sugarhockeyicedtea · 05/02/2021 14:42

What an utter cockwomble.

Do NOT order him food again, if he complains just explain you don't know when his precious dental hygiene will take precedence and turn him into an arsehole so he can order his own food.

Santaiscovidfree · 05/02/2021 14:43

Doesn't like surprises..
It was a bagel not a weekend away..

Butterymuffin · 05/02/2021 14:47

@Santaiscovidfree

Doesn't like surprises.. It was a bagel not a weekend away..
Grin makes him sound like the woman in the Catherine Tate sketches who would scream in fright when the microwave pinged etc. But less endearing.
Shoxfordian · 05/02/2021 14:49

He sounds like an ungrateful knob

IEat · 05/02/2021 14:49

Just remember everything we do and say it don’t do or say is heightened. I’d eat his bagel to spite him but I’m bitch and single 🤣

Tunnocksmallow · 05/02/2021 14:50

Op, would you accept a friend or a member of your family telling you to fuck off when you only asked them if they were ok? No, of course not! So ask yourself why you think it’s acceptable from him, just because he has the title of husband?
I’ll say this, it’s precisely because he has the honour of being your husband that he needs to buck his ideas up and start treating you with some respect, or you should tell him to “fuck off”

I hope you’re okOP Flowers
Ps I’d have eaten his bagel too with that reaction

Regularsizedrudy · 05/02/2021 14:51

If my partner told me to fuck off they would no longer be my partner

Taikoo · 05/02/2021 14:52

He's awful. And a teacher! Bet he's nice as pie at work, the wanker.

Ditch him.
Seriously.
He has no respect for you at all.
Has he ever hit you?

Taikoo · 05/02/2021 14:53

@Santaiscovidfree

Doesn't like surprises.. It was a bagel not a weekend away..
Grin
FFSAllTheGoodOnesArereadyTaken · 05/02/2021 14:55

If it was just a one off I'd say he was having a randomly awful day and then I'd take the piss out of him when he snapped out of it after he had apologised.

But it sounds symptomatic of his worsening attitude towards you...he tells you to fuck off when he is busy? Thats not ok. Ever

HollowTalk · 05/02/2021 14:59

I can just imagine him when the postman's been - "Why the hell did you put that letter through when I haven't got my glasses on?"

Eckhart · 05/02/2021 15:00

I think I’m quite an annoying person sometimes

So, it's your fault he tells you to fuck off, you mean? If not, why are you dropping this in?

Your partner is being verbally abusive to you, and you are blaming yourself. This is a common pattern. Drop the self criticism. He's chosen to be your partner, having got to know you. He shouldn't have done that if he finds you annoying, so, however much you talk, however many questions you ask, this is his responsibility. If he's busy, he's got about a hundred thousand polite options he could go for, like 'Can we talk about this later, darling?' or 'Sorry, I'm a bit busy right now, love.' or 'I'm snowed under right now, can this wait for a bit?' or... etc etc.

He chooses to verbally abuse you. You choose to blame yourself. Even when you've done something nice for him, for a treat.

Change your responses. Next time he tells you to fuck off, tell him to rethink his responses to you and be a bit more respectful, or you'll be making some changes. Certainly don't sort any more food out for him until he's grasped this.

Chanandlerbong01 · 05/02/2021 15:02

Please tell me you told him where to go!

Bagelsandbrie · 05/02/2021 15:03

You do realise this is horrible behaviour don’t you? Not just the bagel thing but the whole “fuck off” thing. That’s terrible. He’s an arsehole.

MyKingdomForACaramel · 05/02/2021 15:06

Is it a one off? I’m sure I’ve been an arse about food before -just last week I went on at DH for not cutting chips properly- I honestly don’t know what was wrong with me!

However if he’s generally a wanker that’s a bit different

Lullaby88 · 05/02/2021 15:35

He mustv had a really shite day to behave like that with u. Either that or he is just really raw in his honesty. Either way I probably wouldn't repeat this gesture and take that hint.

Eugenieonegin · 05/02/2021 16:02

OP, ask him if he would respond to a colleague that way.
That is the least you can expect, I am sorry your kind gesture got such a rude and childish repose.

Deadringer · 05/02/2021 16:09

He sounds like a right grumpy arse but your reaction is ott.

MyGazeboisLeaking · 05/02/2021 16:20

You sound really nice, OP.

Unfortunately, he does not.

You seem to believe his view that you're annoying / talk a lot (ie - need companionship and affirmation in a different way to him).

His reaction is extremely weird and excessive. It's obv not physically abusive, but it is designed to make you feel in the wrong for doing a (perfectly normal) nice thing.

I'm sorry this happened and wonder if you might take it as a wake-up call?

MyGazeboisLeaking · 05/02/2021 16:22

@Deadringer

He sounds like a right grumpy arse but your reaction is ott.

@Deadringer - I'm genuinely interested in your reasoning for this assumption?

SmallPrawnEnergy · 05/02/2021 16:28

@Angryangry65

Sorry I mean, he’s lovely to me when he’s been at work / not been working from home all day
So when he isn’t in the house for the majority of the day... I wouldn’t stand for this attitude, even if he is struggling with lock down, we all are, but you don’t take it out on other people you find ways to deal with it. He would be shaping up or shipping out if he was my partner.
Deadringer · 05/02/2021 16:35

MyGazeboisLeaking She bought him a bagel, he was ungrateful and rude about it. the reaction i expected was a million miles from what i got. ott in my opinion.