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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP has royally pissed me off

157 replies

Angryangry65 · 05/02/2021 13:34

I wfh now full time since March, DP is a teacher so 3 days he’s wfh.

I said last night about a new bagel place that’s opened that gets raving reviews. I asked if he wanted a bagel tomorrow - he said yes.

I ordered and paid to come today as a bit of a surprise. I wasn’t sure when they’d come, just around lunch. Door goes and I collect, excitedly hand over his bagel - he instantly goes “why would you do this when you know I’ve just brushed my teeth?” I then was a bit like, erm what...
He then just pulls a disgusted face, is rude about the whole thing, says the bagel is horrible (it’s not as nice as the place we normally go but it’s still good) and goes downstairs to get himself a drink and doesn’t bring me one.

At no point was thank you mentioned. I bought it as a treat, something he never does for me, he will always ask first or say “I was going to do this for you” but never does. All talk.

I’m just really upset that he can be so unappreciative and I’m really disgusted in him. I actually think this small thing, out of everything, has completely changed my opinion on him as a person.

The reaction I expected was a million miles from what I got Sad

OP posts:
Marinaloves · 05/02/2021 16:41

Sounds like a cunt
Walks like a cunt
Talks like a cunt
He’s a Cunt

Anydreamwilldo12 · 05/02/2021 17:13

What a rude ungrateful bastard he sounds. I would be giving him a warning. Either stop talking to you like a piece of shit or get out.

BlueThistles · 05/02/2021 17:22

@Marinaloves

Sounds like a cunt Walks like a cunt Talks like a cunt He’s a Cunt

🤣

Dogscanteatonions · 05/02/2021 17:26

I would absolutely be ordering my own bagel on Monday lunchtime, probably with a cake too and not get him anything. And happily eat it in front of him. I'd even be tempted to say 'nom nom nom' despite the fact I hate that phrase so fucking much.

Original poster
Angryangry65 · 05/02/2021 19:11

Thanks everyone. Glad to know it’s not just me!

He apologised by saying “I’m sorry you’re upset but...” so that was fake.
We then had a chore to do and he bought me some sushi and a scratch card - we almost slipped back into normal. Then we had to do some diy - he is outrageously not masculine or skilled in this sort of thing - so he gets frustrated easily. I think my methods are better so when I did something he disagreed with he called me thick and is now taking a break. In this scenario I’m not upset, I just find him pathetic.

OP posts:
Blanca87 · 05/02/2021 19:14

That’s because he is pathetic.

Santaiscovidfree · 05/02/2021 19:16

Suggest a film op.
Paul has a good bagel scene in it!
Grin

MyGazeboisLeaking · 05/02/2021 19:20

@Angryangry65

Thanks everyone. Glad to know it’s not just me!

He apologised by saying “I’m sorry you’re upset but...” so that was fake.
We then had a chore to do and he bought me some sushi and a scratch card - we almost slipped back into normal. Then we had to do some diy - he is outrageously not masculine or skilled in this sort of thing - so he gets frustrated easily. I think my methods are better so when I did something he disagreed with he called me thick and is now taking a break. In this scenario I’m not upset, I just find him pathetic.

Are you tied to him forever, OP?

Could you see yourself leaving to value yourself more?

Original poster
Angryangry65 · 05/02/2021 19:24

@MyGazeboisLeaking tied through marriage and assets and dogs, not through children. I wouldn’t consider kids yet with this attitude.

OP posts:
DontBeShelfish · 05/02/2021 19:32

@Angryangry65

Thanks everyone. Glad to know it’s not just me!

He apologised by saying “I’m sorry you’re upset but...” so that was fake.
We then had a chore to do and he bought me some sushi and a scratch card - we almost slipped back into normal. Then we had to do some diy - he is outrageously not masculine or skilled in this sort of thing - so he gets frustrated easily. I think my methods are better so when I did something he disagreed with he called me thick and is now taking a break. In this scenario I’m not upset, I just find him pathetic.

If anybody called me "thick" it would be game over, I'm afraid. So disrespectful. I'd start thinking about disentangling myself from him.
PrawnPower · 05/02/2021 19:46

@Angryangry65

Thanks everyone. Glad to know it’s not just me!

He apologised by saying “I’m sorry you’re upset but...” so that was fake.
We then had a chore to do and he bought me some sushi and a scratch card - we almost slipped back into normal. Then we had to do some diy - he is outrageously not masculine or skilled in this sort of thing - so he gets frustrated easily. I think my methods are better so when I did something he disagreed with he called me thick and is now taking a break. In this scenario I’m not upset, I just find him pathetic.

You need to leave him. I'm sure many others on this thread will tell you the same- this isn't what a relationship is supposed to be like.

MadeForThis · 05/02/2021 19:49

He's a spoilt child.

InFiveMins · 05/02/2021 19:55

Sorry OP but you're a doormat and he's walking all over you.
By accepting the behaviour he will just carry on and get worse.
I'd be telling him to pack his bags or I'd be packing mine and taking the dogs away from the abusive arsehole. He tells you to 'fuck off' and you just accept it? Not OK.

Tal45 · 05/02/2021 19:58

It sounds like he's really not coping with the current situation (understandable) and completely taking it out on you (unacceptable). I think you need to really talk to him about this. It sounds like you're both also struggling with spending so much time together. Can you have a talk about how it's difficult for BOTH of you but you need to treat each other with respect and it's not acceptable for you to be called names. Ask him what he's finding difficult and why he's getting so stressed. If he can't or won't communicate or just blames it all on you then you have a problem - but communication is really key IMO.

PrawnPower · 05/02/2021 20:07

@Tal45

It sounds like he's really not coping with the current situation (understandable) and completely taking it out on you (unacceptable). I think you need to really talk to him about this. It sounds like you're both also struggling with spending so much time together. Can you have a talk about how it's difficult for BOTH of you but you need to treat each other with respect and it's not acceptable for you to be called names. Ask him what he's finding difficult and why he's getting so stressed. If he can't or won't communicate or just blames it all on you then you have a problem - but communication is really key IMO.

I don't understand why things like being called thick and told to fuck off need to be talked about. My partner and I have never once spoken to each other like this. The things we talk about are how we raise our children, how much time we like to spend together and how much time apart, how we like to be supported, our values and word views, how we deal with our earnings. These are things that couples need to make sure they sit down and discuss. Not "I don't like when you call me thick and storm off in a huff".

The relationship is a non-starter if someone is behaving that way. Like teenagers for Christ sake!

MyGazeboisLeaking · 05/02/2021 20:07

Be honest with yourself, OP.
Is this a new, lock down, situational thing, or has it always been this way / elements of this?

caringcarer · 05/02/2021 20:21

Next time you order in a treat leave him out. Rude and bloody awkward.

Eckhart · 05/02/2021 20:23

Glad to know it’s not just me

If he's being verbally abusive towards you, why do you need external validation that he's in the wrong? I would look into this, OP, and find out what's stopping you from validating yourself. Without self validation, you can't maintain your boundaries, and end up in relationships with people who tell you to fuck off when you buy them a bagel. Etc.

lastqueenofscotland · 05/02/2021 20:30

If my DP called me thick he’d be an ex quicker than i could tell him to get bent.

S111n20 · 05/02/2021 20:33

Next time just get yourself a treat. What a Dick.

Terriblewithmoney · 05/02/2021 20:34

Bagel - bad.

'Fuck off' - worse.

'Thick' - LTB.

He would be disciplined at work if he called a student thick. I bet he doesn't do that.

thosetalesofunexpected · 05/02/2021 20:42

@Angryangry65

Your Partner is emotionally Abusive to you Op.

You do not need to accept put up with this kind of Crap op.

You deserve a lot better than this op.

Why do you put up settle for this kind of Crap op?

If he often does this,and it sounds like he is disrespectful often to you.!
Ditch this Prick of a guy.!

TurquoiseDragon · 05/02/2021 20:44

@Angryangry65

Thanks everyone. Glad to know it’s not just me!

He apologised by saying “I’m sorry you’re upset but...” so that was fake.
We then had a chore to do and he bought me some sushi and a scratch card - we almost slipped back into normal. Then we had to do some diy - he is outrageously not masculine or skilled in this sort of thing - so he gets frustrated easily. I think my methods are better so when I did something he disagreed with he called me thick and is now taking a break. In this scenario I’m not upset, I just find him pathetic.

I've read all your posts, and I think you should reconsider this relationship.

He's not actually nice to you, so why bother staying?

My ex told me to fuck off once. This was among many, many reasons he's an ex, but I refused to tolerate anyone saying that to me.

And the fact that your DH can be nasty to you while being nice as pie to others shows he can actually control this. Him saying this to you is deliberate, he feels he's entitled to.

Meowchickameowmeow · 05/02/2021 20:46

I think I’m quite an annoying person sometimes as I ask a lot of questions about things / talk a lot. So sometimes If he makes a noise like a grrr or hmpf I’ll say “what’s that?/wrong?) and he will say something like “fuck off” if he’s in the middle of something. But I let that go. I’ve asked him to be more careful in how he speaks to me

Erm nope, do not let that go. That's a horrible way for him to speak to you and it's not a question of being careful it's a question of respect and common courtesy.

TGIB · 05/02/2021 20:49

He says "fuck off" to you? And you think that's a 'bad attitude'? Get some respect woman. That's not normal. That's not love.