DP has royally pissed me off

[Angryangry65]

I wfh now full time since March, DP is a teacher so 3 days he’s wfh.

I said last night about a new bagel place that’s opened that gets raving reviews. I asked if he wanted a bagel tomorrow - he said yes.

I ordered and paid to come today as a bit of a surprise. I wasn’t sure when they’d come, just around lunch. Door goes and I collect, excitedly hand over his bagel - he instantly goes “why would you do this when you know I’ve just brushed my teeth?” I then was a bit like, erm what...
He then just pulls a disgusted face, is rude about the whole thing, says the bagel is horrible (it’s not as nice as the place we normally go but it’s still good) and goes downstairs to get himself a drink and doesn’t bring me one.

At no point was thank you mentioned. I bought it as a treat, something he never does for me, he will always ask first or say “I was going to do this for you” but never does. All talk.

I’m just really upset that he can be so unappreciative and I’m really disgusted in him. I actually think this small thing, out of everything, has completely changed my opinion on him as a person.

The reaction I expected was a million miles from what I got

I'm sorry. That was a bit harsh. It seems like your "bottom level" of what you tolerate is so low, and you question yourself. Try to be strong that you really do deserve respect and a partner who cherishes you truly. They do exist.

He tells you to fuck off and he called you thick?

You know that isn't normal don't you? I don't mean that in a trite way - I mean really, do you know that isn't normal in a healthy relationship?

Please don't waste any more time on someone who tells you to fuck off and calls you thick.

And is pathetic.

So sometimes If he makes a noise like a grrr or hmpf I’ll say “what’s that?/wrong?) and he will say something like “fuck off” if he’s in the middle of something

What a charmer!

Try less to please him, a lot less

It’s mug’s game, trying to please someone like that

Start pleasing yourself instead

@Angryangry65

You are not a Arsehole Whisper !

Your Partner is a fucking Arsehole Op.!

You are far too good for him Op.

He does not deserve to be with someone as good as you op.

I wouldn't order or make anything for him until he apologises. Even then I'd say 'apology acknowledged'

However I can't abide food being ordered for me. Fil does it often with ice cream & stuff. Even if it's something I like I don't like the decision being taken from me. Dh ordered champagne on our honeymoon flight. It was 10am or so & we'd left our 18 month old with my parents. I just wanted to sleep on the flight. It was a lovely thing but really annoyed me. I said thanks, drank it all & then went to sleep!

Next time, buy yourself a bagel.

If he comments, say well I was going to get you one ... stay silent and let him fume

I told my husband if I get 1 more fuck off that's not an obvious joke he'd be leaving. I won't be dealing with that disrespect and I won't be showing my daughters that it is acceptable behaviour from a partner.

Sounds like "Bagelgate" has just highlighted what an obnoxious arse he is.

You should genuinely leave OP. You've been ground down - it's not normal and he shouldn't speak to anyone like that, including you

@HollowTalk

Op partner sounds like when Postman puts the letter through, he will shout why on earth have you put the letter through now, I haven't got my glasses on.
😕 😀

Your totally right, he is miserable Git or should I say Shit .!

Wow hes a turd

He doesn't sound as though he likes you very much. I think you sound nice, I'm sure you could find someone who doesn't tell you to fuck off when he wants you to stop talking to him, tells you you're thick and has temper tantrums.

Why are you together?

@KnobblyWand

He doesn't sound as though he likes you very much. I think you sound nice, I'm sure you could find someone who doesn't tell you to fuck off when he wants you to stop talking to him, tells you you're thick and has temper tantrums.

Why are you together?

This x 1,000

@Deadringer

Why do you Op reaction was over the top then?
Have you actually read all of Ops Post then?
Clearly you have not have you?

Are you a man ?

@Deadringer

Why have you come to the assumption of Op reaction was over the top in regard of her Partner attitude then?

I am just very curious !

This is very interesting. From my point of view his behaviour is a form of abuse designed to belittle you. What he is doing is to dismiss things you do which anyone else would interpret as nice or positive.

Instead of responding in a positive way (even if he didn’t like the bagel) he used it as an opportunity to pick fault with you and make you feel as though you ‘got it wrong’. In my experience this is often done to justify their own shitty behaviour: I behave shabbily because you got it wrong with the bagel...

Sounds far-fetched doesn’t it but the note he highlights things you do wrong the more likely you are to overlook his poor behaviour...

Sorry, the more he highlights things you do wrong the more likely you are to overlook his poor behaviour.

Puts you on the back foot all the time....trying to get it right and win his affection / gratitude....

It is very hurtful when someone deflates a nice idea. A real kick in the teeth. I hope you get/got a full apology. If it's a thing that happens, it definitely sucks the joy.

@AubergineIsMyFavourite

You have knocked the Nail on the head
I totally agree with everything you said !
You are emotionally perceptive intelligence.!

How long have you been with this prince of knobs?

You sound lovely, kind, clever, and fun.

So he's rude when you did something g thoughtful for him

He tells you to fuck off

And calls you thick!

This doesn't sound like a living relationship

[quote thosetalesofunexpected]@Deadringer

Why do you Op reaction was over the top then?
Have you actually read all of Ops Post then?
Clearly you have not have you?

Are you a man ?[/quote]
No i hadn't read all of the ops posts when i replied several hours ago. Why do you care? And why does it matter if i am a man. You are weirdly over invested here.

@Santaiscovidfree
He doesn't like surprises..
It was a bagel,not a weekend away...😀😀😊

@thosetalesofunexpected It chips away at your self-esteem because you start to actually believe you are getting it wrong all the time...that the bagel was a bad idea...that you can’t get anything right.

From that they can just about do anything because you will think you are unworthy and deserve to be treated that way.

OP, you know the bagel was a lovely idea. Any normal person would think it was a lovely idea. Don’t keep trying to please him because it will be an endless effort for you. Do things for yourself. Please yourself. Buy yourself bagels and when he asks where his are say that you didn’t want it to coincide with his teeth cleaning routine as that’s obviously really important to him...best he gets his own at the right time for him.

It’s ridiculous but you are smart. Outsmart him.