What was the best thing your parents did?

[Plmoknijb123]

I am a new mother, and thinking about how to raise my child etc, and wonder...what was the best thing your parents did for you?

In my case, it was that my mum never pushed me into anything or forced my into achieving things. She fully supported whatever I wanted and tried to nurture my natural talents and interests.

So AIBU to ask you for the best thing your parents did, to give me some insight into how to be a good parent?

Congratulations. My mother always encouraged me to just be who I am. She was always so affectionate and loving. I'm the same with my children.

Paid for private school: it was a struggle financially, but they always made clear to us how important it was that we work hard and make the most of our opportunities. I’m one of 4 - one is disabled and doesn’t work, the other 3 have all had good careers and are financially secure enough that we can look after our sibling.

I never went to bed thinking my parents didn't like me. If we had a fight they always made sure we made up before bed. I also knew I could call them from anywhere in the middle of the night and they'd help me get home.

My parents were very involved. Not like today's parents (including me) but they knew what was going on in school, my subjects, how I was doing, friends' names but also what play I was doing in English, that kind of detail.

This extended to university & jobs. They did place a high emphasis on education & work but not in a competitive, get lots of high grades way, more interested & seeing it as important.

It was great at giving me a grounding & a sounding board for chatting through important university & work stuff. It felt like they were connected to me.

Now, they were rubbish at the emotional stuff, when I was sad, left out, bullied. 80s & 90s parenting didn't extend to that!

Both of my parents, especially my dad, taught me from a very young age to never, ever tolerate abusive people. As I got older, my dad talked to me a lot about red flags to look out for regarding romantic relationships, and always drilled it into me that no amount of abuse is acceptable. They also taught me the importance of being independent and assertive.

The fully encouraged me to be myself and be happy, and taught me to communicate efficiently.

Also made it very clear that there is always a place for me at theirs if i need it (even though I am 30, with my own home, husband and child)

Worked with me on things I was bad at. I was in a low set for English for a long time. Now I have a Master's degree in it and am a writer.

Ditto instilling a love of reading. Could read before I started school and have devoured books ever since.

They had strong work ethics, passed on to their children. They were also very organised about household things. Both did a lot of community work and volunteering. It made us feel safe and taught all of us the value of hard work, deferred gratification, being organised and that it’s important to give back and part of a community.

Made me feel utterly secure. They were not great ones for telling us they loved us but we never doubted it for a second even when my dad (who could be a bit snappy) was livid at me. He was cross with what I'd done but not with me. My mum was just there in every sense and I was safe.

Also they never ever made me think I couldn't do anything because I was a girl. It genuinely never crossed my mind that it was a thing until my friends told me that certain jobs or behaviours were for boys (we're talking 80s/90s here). Even then if I came home and said 'Emma's mum said that only boys do physics' my dad would be incredibly vocal about how that was bollocks.

It was always clear they absolutely loved me, I always felt secure.
They really encouraged me, and were always there if I needed them, even as an adult. They didn't have lots of money, but found funds for school trips and riding lessons which was awesome.

Emotionally, just being there I guess. I always knew I was loved unconditionally.

Practically, moving house I think. I made lifelong friends, went to good schools, had access to lovely outside spaces. DH and I have moved to the same area now.

Fully believed everything I said.

Took me to the library every week.

A lot I think. The value of money, how to budget, if I want to buy something then I have to earn the money for it. My parents were always very loving towards me. I also remember spending a lot of my childhood laughing and just having fun, I want to pass all this on to DD. I just want her to have a happy home and be able to be a child and have a good childhood like I did. I was also taught to work hard for what I want, to do well in school etc, but was never pushed.

My dad encouraged me to get a good education, and bought me a set of encyclopedias to help me with my homework etc,
He had to pay weekly for these and at the time I didn’t realize how much it must have cost him.
Both my parents left school at 14 so didn’t have the chances that were available to me , although my mum did end up doing office work at the local council office where she started work as the cleaning lady so good on her.

They loved me and my siblings unconditionally.
We were kids of the 1950's and not too well off but due to them and the
Comprehensive education system, we all did well.
I miss my mum and dad.
Hoping that me and DH are passing their standards on to our DGC's.

Mine actively encouraged us to go to education and further training which was unusual in my school. Lots of opportunities came our way by doing this & we have a better standard of living than our parents.

Similar to Wavering, strong work ethic, encouraged me to do well at school (at the time I hated having to struggle through my maths homework with my Dad - but it's the only way I got through my maths O Level showing my age ), paid for tutors.

Always supported my interests, welcomed my friends, picked me up from endless youth club discos etc.

Both parents hugely involved in community/voluntary work - and that has stayed with me. Were sociable and outgoing, I've never found it hard to make friends or get involved in 'new' things, perhaps because of the example they showed me. They were/are very generous with money, showing the importance of 'sharing' our good fortune.

Of course we had the usual teenage dramas ... but they are now 88 & 90 and still the most fantastic & supportive parents - and grandparents. I recognise how fortunate I am.

My mum taught me to read, we grew up in the library, she gave me a lifelong love of books ❤️

My father told me that I could be whoever and whatever I wanted to be. As a girl growing up in the 80's that made a huge difference.

Am with 19 yo DS, so I just asked him what the best thing we did for him was. He replied "You once bought me a 99 instead of a normal ice cream". I really hope it's more than that!

My dad left me with a lifelong love of books, newspapers & most importantly coffee! I miss him

Mine valued education and were firm about about us working hard at school and trying our best. Acquiring knowledge for its own sake and continuing to learn throughout life wasn't looked down on by them either (and it's surprising how often it is).

I thank them for both of these things.

Good manners and respect for others, something I am instilling in my girls. I’m always told they are very polite on play dates etc... which makes me so proud. They obviously push their luck at home but in public are well behaved! And the value of a good education and the opportunities it provides.

My dad took me to the library every week, to the theatre, introduced me to different types of music, took me to concerts and taught me the value of critical thinking.

My mum taught me to be open minded about experiences and people, to consider actions over appearances, and to value kindness.

I hope I am managing to pass some of their values on to my own DC.