Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What was the best thing your parents did?

147 replies

Plmoknijb123 · 04/02/2021 19:45

I am a new mother, and thinking about how to raise my child etc, and wonder...what was the best thing your parents did for you?

In my case, it was that my mum never pushed me into anything or forced my into achieving things. She fully supported whatever I wanted and tried to nurture my natural talents and interests.

So AIBU to ask you for the best thing your parents did, to give me some insight into how to be a good parent?

OP posts:
BrilliantBetty · 04/02/2021 20:49

I wasn't great at reading. I am dyslexic. But absolutely adored books and so my dad would read to me for half an hour every day of the week before dinner (despite very challenging days at work in a pressured job), and my mum for half an hour before bed until I was about 13! Then I would listen to books on cassette.

Loved them for it. Appreciate it so much then & now that I have kids of my own. I never have time / energy to read to my DC for that long.

TangerineGreen · 04/02/2021 20:50

They both really listened to me... if it was important to me it was important to them. They ALWAYS stopped to understand why before jumping in and giving their opinion. I wish my dad was here today to guide me on it, I miss him so much. I try so very hard to do this for my children... sometimes I forget and vow to worker harder next time. Over the years I get better at it and it’s paying dividends with my children, who are confident they can come to me with anything. There is always a reason for behaviour if we just stop and try to understand first.

ManCubsMama · 04/02/2021 20:52

My dad always told my sibling and I, that as long as we were honest with him, he’d help us. A number of times (more my sibling than me) would land in some trouble and DF would help us navigate our way. If, like a lot of friends, we were scared to be honest there’s no way the outcomes of those situations would have been as forgiving. I plan to be the same sort of parent to my children.

I also was never the girl to get out of control drunk at parties, always had money to get home etc because my parents knew exactly where I was and I didn’t feel the need to lie to them about what I was doing

TroysMammy · 04/02/2021 20:54

My DF let me have a vegetable patch, showed me the difference between conkers and chestnuts, the type of tree that makes good pea sticks, birds and bird song, trees and nature.

I grow vegetables, know the difference between a sparrow and a blackbird, where chestnuts and blackberries grow and have a keen interest in nature.

My DM how to make a cake and made me realise as an adult housework is not important. My DM was constantly washing dishes and clothes, ironing and hoovering and didn't make time for herself.

dewisant2020 · 04/02/2021 21:00

I always felt unconditional love, I always knew if I had a problem I could go to my mum for non judgmental advice.

Pinklewinkle · 04/02/2021 21:00

Oddly getting divorced! Made our lives so much easier and pleasant in many ways.

Sniv · 04/02/2021 21:02

They made me laugh a lot.
Gave me independence, privacy, and freedom, and the security to enjoy that.
Provided piles of books, and as much drawing paper as I wanted.

mummydoris2006 · 04/02/2021 21:05

@TillyTopper this is totally off subject but my 14yo DD said to me a couple of years ago "how come you always know I want a flake?" My response was "well you always ask for a 99!", I couldn't stop giggling when she replied in all seriousness "oh I thought a 99 meant 99 calories" Confused

Nandocushion · 04/02/2021 21:05

Lots and lots of travel to many different places.

CertieCumboyle · 04/02/2021 21:10

My mum was a SAHM. That was a good thing.

She was a stiff-upper-lip type who never gushed over us or made a fuss over us - very much a 'pick yourself up and don't moan' type of mother. However, we knew from every single one of her actions, and her complete and utter selflessness, that we were loved beyond words.

AnnaMagdalena · 04/02/2021 21:15

Oh goodness, OP, I wish I could start again.

I have done loads and loads of stuff wrong with my children (now young adults), but I think they all know they can tell me stuff that makes me want to curl up and die inside, because I will always have their backs and even if I don't agree with what they have done, I won't bang on about them for being really, really stupid (even if that's what they have been), and I won't bring it up again at a later date. I will try to help them find a way through.

I think I was a bit scared to tell my parents things, for fear of 'letting the side down' - so while my DC have sometimes told me things I'd rather not know, I'm still glad that they tell me. They only ever tell me this kind of stuff when they are really stuck and need Mum to help them sort it out...

Coyoacan · 04/02/2021 21:15

I think the best thing my mother did was give me lots of love in the early years of my life. I think life is so much harder for people who have not had that.

The other thing I glad of is that she encourage critical thinking.

AuntyMabelandPippin · 04/02/2021 21:18

One of my DC has just told me that his pals think we're great. No hassles, we just talk to them.

Some of his mates don't want to talk to them, even though they're nearly 30.

RAOK · 04/02/2021 21:21

How to be good with money and live within my means and the importance of charitable giving and kindness towards others.

FlowEr262 · 04/02/2021 21:24

We always all felt very loved and their no.1 priority.

I think moving from our flat to buying a house. This meant my dm moving from the estate where she had grown up and her and my Dd had spent the first 15years of married life with my dnan in the next block. Also meant taking on a mortgage which absolutely no one in the extended family had done.

We moved to an area with much better schools and far far lower crime rates. The new area allowed us more freedom as children, education opened up fantastic opportunities for us all.

SweatyBetty20 · 04/02/2021 21:26

Taught me how to read and swim when I was three. Were both feminists - my mum and my dad. Scrimped and saved to take us to Greece every year in May - sometimes it was four to a room on a tiny Greek island that we had to get a ferry to, with no swimming pool - just a couple of small pensions, tavernas and the sea. They were both dead by the time I was 34 and I remember those holidays in the 70s and 80s as the very best days of my life. And loved us -y parents didn’t always get in but we knew we were very much wanted and loved.

Mintjulia · 04/02/2021 21:27

Put me forward for grammar school. It gave me my way out of poverty.

Cheeseycheeseycheesecheese · 04/02/2021 21:29

Independence - they have always encouraged me to do stuff for myself but have always been in the background
How to manage money - from the age of 12 they gave me the child benefit money. This was to pay for anything beyond household essentials, so clothes, gifts etc
That there is nothing so bad that I can't come back from it - mistakes happen, they have always guided me, never controlled
They will always be there if I need them - totally proven this week with major work drama, not ashamed to admit I needed daddy advice
How to effectively communicate - they always encouraged me to articulate myself and if we were arguing, they would let me say my piece even if I stuttered and struggled, they would never talk over me
How to stand up for myself without coming across bolshy - again, they always encouraged me to speak my mind
There is nothing wrong with crying
Things are sent to challenge us, don't give up

And since having ds

If I need a night off being a parent, I can always take ds to them, or leave him with dh and go and stay with them, dh is also welcome to do that, and his parents have said the same, we are incredibly lucky to have the support network we do.

DreamingInColours · 04/02/2021 21:31

They moved us all abroad for several years when I was a teenager and it was such an eye opener and a real adventure. I met so many interesting people (including my current DH!) and am so grateful they took that leap of faith.

Obimumkinobi · 04/02/2021 21:32

My Mum always listened to me - the small stuff, as well as the big stuff. It wasn't until I was a Mum that I realised just how important this is for keeping your kids safe and picking up on any red flags. Plus, it made me feel valued.

Plus, my Mum is still the only person who I could truly trust to help me bury a body. DH would so crumble under police questioning! She's only 11 but I do have high hopes for DD in this regard!

ilovebagpuss · 04/02/2021 21:34

Gave the gift of unconditional love supportive and pushing me to do the best for myself but that achievement was never tied to love. I could have walked out of uni and they would probably have been disappointed but I would never have worried about doing it as I knew no matter what I was loved.
That has always been a real safety net in life having that stable core I feel I really do have a decent level of strength and stability just due to that.
Always felt that decisions they made and finances were for the family not just for them.
Mostly easy going cosy childhood not tons of money but hardly and stress or drama.

Always in my corner this example from when I was 4 for instance I had a favourite soft doll at playgroup and one day they told me it had been thrown away as it was ripped. I was so upset breaking my heart.
My mum went to the playgroup after it had closed and rummaged through the bin outside found the doll and patched its body up!

Original poster
Plmoknijb123 · 04/02/2021 21:35

Such wonderful advice, thank you all! Smile I love reading these, so inspiring!

OP posts:
Crazycrazylady · 04/02/2021 21:35

This is such a lovely thread. Smile

Snowpaw · 04/02/2021 21:38

My Dad used to get up with us early morning when we were small, put our boots on over our pyjamas and walk us up the lane to watch the sunrise.

Firefliess · 04/02/2021 21:39

My mum never let me go to sleep on an argument. As I say stewing in my room, I always knew with complete confidence that she would come and make up before bedtime. I've never been able to sleep in a row, so that meant the world to me. Oddly though, it doesn't work when I try to do that with DD - she just wants to be left alone if she's upset about something. I've had to learn to give her space, even though it goes against all my instincts as I'd have hated to be left alone like that. Next day we'll talk and be fine. I guess you do need to parent the child you have, not the one you were yourself.

The other thing I remember most fondly were long camping holidays in France. My dad taught us to make a trap for creepy-crawlies by burying an ice cream tub in the ground so they fell in.