What was the best thing your parents did?

[Plmoknijb123]

I am a new mother, and thinking about how to raise my child etc, and wonder...what was the best thing your parents did for you?

In my case, it was that my mum never pushed me into anything or forced my into achieving things. She fully supported whatever I wanted and tried to nurture my natural talents and interests.

So AIBU to ask you for the best thing your parents did, to give me some insight into how to be a good parent?

Lots of things but I really appreciate that they brought me up to believe the world was my oyster. Having come from rather a small town/closed mind community themselves, they always bolstered the view that I shouldn’t put limits on what I could do but that the most important things in life are health and happiness. I feel like I owe a lot of my sense of self esteem to my parents.

@Snowpaw that is just so lovely!

My parents were not very warm or loving and not very good at setting appropriate boundaries. I went off the rails a bit as a result of how lonely and disconnected I felt, I could never do anything right so I stopped trying. However, as an adult I now have a reasonable relationship with them although not super close. What I will say is that now I can see that they do abs did love me but it is shown in different, more practical ways. As a teen my dad would drive to pick me up from clubs and parties at silly o’clock in the morning, we were rural so quite far sometimes, maybe nearly an hours drive. As an adult if I needed money or help with anything, I know that they would do it no questions asked, nor would they resent it or make me feel bad about it. I would like to emulate that, but with more emotional support as well.

Taught me the work ethic. Taught me the importance of education. Brought me up to be independent and what a gift that was, it gives you so much power.

We went caravanning every weekend from March to the first weekend in November. Spent time outdoors amusing ourselves, went walking in the country every weekend, spent time with caravanning friends and learned about nature and the great outdoors. I still go camping whereas my sister refuses to do anything like that and prefers a luxury hotel.

@Diversion

We went caravanning every weekend from March to the first weekend in November. Spent time outdoors amusing ourselves, went walking in the country every weekend, spent time with caravanning friends and learned about nature and the great outdoors. I still go camping whereas my sister refuses to do anything like that and prefers a luxury hotel.

Are you my brother 😂 That is my childhood and I do prefer hotels now although not always luxury that’s what he would say about me ! I did go camping with my children for about 6 years to give them the experience and memories.

They loved me

This is a lovely happy thread. I have noticed there have been lots of sad or serious threads recently, I read one last night which was the complete opposite of this and it made me so sad for everyone.

I loved my childhood and appreciate everything and all the opportunities and encouragement my parents gave me, that’s what I have tried to do for my children, but we do not always get everything right and that’s okay too.

My dad treated me as an equal I never felt like my wants or worries were inferior to his, he never made me feel as though I had to worry about succeeding academically and would tell me to follow my dreams.He still rings me each day and tells me he loves me and I'm a great mum.

We are very alike and have had some fall outs in more recently years but I know I could ring my dad no matter what and he would be there. He's the kind of person you'd ring to hide a body if you know what I mean I know he 100% has my back with anything

They showed me unequivocally that they loved me, no matter what. They also taught me to be independent. This next one might sound as if they cancel each other out - they taught me both the value of money and that it isn't everything.

My parents spent a relatively high proportion of the family budget on quality food. They didn't have a lot of money: not many fancy holidays, and didn't strive to have a more glamorous lifestyle.

We ate three full square meals a day - big cooked breakfasts - with lots of fruit between. We exercised a lot. I hope I'll be the same as my elder brother and sister. They are retired and getting on, and have good health. I think the childhood eating gave a good start.

Definitely the value of education and reading. There was always this expectation that we would do well, it may have gone a little too far at times (still unduly embarrassed about the AABC in AS Levels) but it really set us up. They also encouraged us to do lots of extra curricular with the expectation we would commit eg rugby, hockey, drama, music, scouts, duke of ed etc.
They bought a tiny holiday house and that gave us such an amazing childhood, jumping into the lough, kayaking, cycling and had the freedom our friends weren't getting.
My dad's parents weren't great so he really tried to spend time with us individually and together as did my mum. I would go for coffee with my dad or mum from the age of 4 which was really special especially as they were both doctors and worked crazy hours. My dad was the only one of his colleagues who didn't do private work whilst that meant we didn't go abroad on holiday every year it meant he was around to look after us properly eg when my mum worked weekends. My mum still did 70% of house stuff (was part time) but we still saw dad cook, clean, look after the baby etc which most of my friends didn't see their dads too even in the 2000s.
It wasn't perfect esp as my dad didn't really have any parenting role models but it was v good.

Moved to a naice area which was a real struggle for them as they didn’t have much money so we could go to a good school.

When I was little, the best thing they did was getting other adults involved. Of all my parents' many faults, they were pretty aware of their limitations most of the time even if not always good at dealing with them. Whether it was family members, library time events, my father's family church that had so many children's activities, community spaces that didn't have expectations but did have other adults that could give my parents break and me a lot of examples of different adults, letting me do therapy at school. They shined best when they were surrounded by good people and when they had and chose to make use of spaces for families. When they didn't, things weren't good.

As a teenager, it was facilitating access, which I guess is the slightly more independant version of the above. They were terribly spotty at this, but the times they pulled it off made such a big difference whether it was just taking me to a sports physical so I could participate or helping me get into a uni-in-high school programme or getting me a passport when I wasn't old enough to apply myself. They weren't around much in those years, but the best things were when they used their adultness so I could access more than I could by myself. The things that hurt the most is when they or other adults could have done that, but actively chose not to do so.

I always felt safe, my mum made a loving home, and never pressured me into anything I didnt want to do! My old man was a hard bastard, never had problems with bullying, he was military so alot of schools I went to had mostly military kids, and the 2 times I did get bullied, they happened to be military kids, so wasnt hard for my old man to find out where they lived, and a quick visit to the parents house put a quick stop to the bullying, but he was a big softie aswell, they are both amazing parents and grandparents!

I moved to Canada when I was 19 by myself, I got into some financial difficulties, skyped my parents and they booked me the next flight home £750, and they never asked for the money back, but I did pay them back

Not drink - working class family whilst all my group of friends’ fathers spent most nights and every weekend in the pub, my dad played scrabble with us on a Friday night, and despite having no secondary education he loved reading and in turn myself and my kids are bookworms. I have a difficult relationship with my parents and could fill pages of what they didn’t do but they spent so much time with us and brought us everywhere and took endless amounts of photos. I’m grateful for all that. We never went without, but I know from my friends (all from the same community) they hadn’t it as good an I put it down to the pub culture that was prevalent in our area.

This is all really lovely, it's so nice to hear such positive experiences, and so much appreciation for parents.

Encouraged independence from an early age. I wasn’t very grateful at the time but I am now. They also taught us basic life competencies that are largely left out of parenting now.

I've just remembered something else, several years ago I broke the Law and had to go to Court and was fined heavily , my DPs didn't condone what I'd done but when I got back from Court there was a huge bouquet waiting for me - with a message, can't remember the exact words but something like 'we will always love you'.

They did similar for my DB (we sound like a bunch of criminals) went to Court with him and stood by him, at the same time making it clear that they did not condone his behaviour.

Neither of us have been in trouble with the Law since.

Struggling to think actually.

They did get me a library card. Can't really think of anything outstandig that they did- they were very unsupportive on the whole.

Mine were not great, but their disinterest meant that they allowed me to spend lots of time with my grandparents. Now there I did get the things I was looking for. To be with people who are genuinely interested in you, help to to learn and feel loved and wanted. To be told that with hard work you could do better than where you had come from. Invaluable.

My mother was a useful model of how not to parent- so that was helpful in a way.

My father raised me (long story) but he instilled the following values: education, good manners and respect for the environment; think critically; understand that life isn't fair; do with grace and good humour things that you don't want to do; put a good face on bad fortune.

Be almost completely transparent with me; I have a very open relationship with both my parents. They divorced when I was young and they’re two different people but operate their parenting in the same way; every laid back but still had perfectly set boundaries.

I think the most important thing for me was my thoughts, feelings and issues no matter how small they seemed were never dismissed. I could and can speak to my parents about anything and not feel anything but confident in them giving me non-biased advice.

My dad taught me a strong work ethic, my mum taught me how to stand my ground, have opinions and use my voice without being gobby.

I’ve had many compliments as a teenager at how literate and articulate I was/am and I strongly believe my parents are to thank for that.

I’ve got a 1 year old now and I’m really hoping to follow in the footsteps of my mum and a dad and to teach her that she can talk to me and her dad without judgement.

My parents weren't very strict; they only asked I be safe and sensible - I’m now 24, never dabbled in drugs, I’ve never really been in any trouble other than the occasional caught drinking underage by police a time or two and other that smoking but I quit when we decided to have a baby; I’ve held a good career since I was 17, worked since 13, brought a house and have generally settled down feeling happy and content.

I don’t know how they’ve done it; but I really hope I can do the same for my daughter. The only thing I’d change about my life is getting into a fairly awful abusive relationship when I was young; but even then it didn’t take me long to tell my parents and get help getting out.

My mother is a retired primary school teacher and she helped me prepare for my 11 plus exam, to make extra sure I passed. That led to grammar school, which led to Oxbridge. They taught me the value of hard work and conscientiousness and that anything worth doing is normally not easy - but you will reap the rewards.

I’m afraid that my experience in the workplace is that such quiet conscientiousness and just getting on and “delivering” is not rewarded as much as crowing about what you’ve done to make sure the right people know and promote you. But that doesn’t make it wrong.