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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What was the best thing your parents did?

147 replies

Plmoknijb123 · 04/02/2021 19:45

I am a new mother, and thinking about how to raise my child etc, and wonder...what was the best thing your parents did for you?

In my case, it was that my mum never pushed me into anything or forced my into achieving things. She fully supported whatever I wanted and tried to nurture my natural talents and interests.

So AIBU to ask you for the best thing your parents did, to give me some insight into how to be a good parent?

OP posts:
VintageDiamonds · 04/02/2021 20:22

Gave me confidence, encouraged me, believed in me, raised me to be resilient and independent. They both had a good sense of humour, too.

I miss them.

DarlingCoffee · 04/02/2021 20:23

I knew my parents loved me unconditionally and always had my back. We never knew many arguments or drama in our house and having a peaceful childhood was lovely and so comforting. I knew that I could always call on them anytime to help me get home. I miss them.

TheSandman · 04/02/2021 20:25

Mine taught me that fixing things was good and everything could be reused for some other purpose - or sold to someone who else who had a use for it. They also inculcated a deep love and respect for books in me, and a healthy suspicion of conformity (and the politeness to disguise it).

My dad also gave me my first joint.

throwa · 04/02/2021 20:27

Told me to make sure that whatever job I got, and they couldn't care less what that job was, to make sure that there was a professional qualification and a career at the end of it. That way I would always be able to support myself, with / without a husband / kids etc.

And also sent me to a selective girls school (80's / 90's). I got to uni and didn't even realise that there were 'girls' subjects' and 'boys' subjects' - you did what you were good at, and it did my head in then that girls weren't supposed to do STEM / Maths etc 'because they were a girl'! (I didn't do them as I wasn't any good at them, well, not as good as others, but it never crossed my mind that I shouldn't do them because I was a girl).

FeelinSpendy · 04/02/2021 20:28

My mum set the bar for what I thought a grown up was. She always dealt with everything in a mature way and I never saw or heard (and still never have) her be petty, competitive, bitchy, whiny or complain that things weren’t fair.
It was a huge shock to me when I realised that not all grown ups were like that.
She was an excellent example and every day I strive to be more like her focussing on the important things and rise above life’s petty issues (not always successfully!)

Sobloodyexhausted · 04/02/2021 20:29

My lovely dad who died in 2019 was great at getting me to do things outside my comfort zone. I had a bit of a fear of using the phone. This was back in the early 80’s-long before mobiles. He used to set me little challenges like ringing the plumbers merchants to see if they had the parts he needed or booking in the car for it’s mot. My parents also used to encourage me to practice my piano grade pieces in front of customers in the antique shop they owned. I sometimes hated doing this (especially before I had the pieces down pat) but I think helped me not to worry too much about what people thought of me and to get used to having an audience.

Wanderlust20 · 04/02/2021 20:29

Force me to do something I didn't want to. I found my own path. Saying that... I'm now terrible at sticking with things as an adult when I find them hard! Hmm So maybe there's a balance to be had.

yuyubooboo · 04/02/2021 20:30

Taught us the value of hard work.

Fostered our love of animals and were extremely tolerant of all pets despite not loving them as much as us

Always generous with money. We never went without at school or at university but they also knew we knew the value of money and would never ever ask for anything unreasonably. They were very kind.

As little kids they dragged us out the house to various cities, here and abroad and to all sorts of museums and theatre productions. I remember sometimes as a kid not being as interested as I would be now but I look back with fondness and we learned/saw lots! I'm very grateful they worked so hard to provide us with these memories.

Wanderlust20 · 04/02/2021 20:31

Also read/do crosswords - my brother and I are both wordsmiths with great vocabularies (I think!).

Conkergame · 04/02/2021 20:32

Paid for private school even though it was a struggle. This has given me so many opportunities I probably wouldn’t have had otherwise. Also, just really encouraging me to do my best and celebrating all my successes with me. This has made me a very confident person.

Thechase · 04/02/2021 20:32

That race, colour, culture, age, sex, religion or politics means nothing when it comes to friendship.

NomadNoMore · 04/02/2021 20:32

Always ate meals with us (awful food, but that's not the point 😬)
My dad - took me to the library and swimming every week, encouraged any interests and was always happy to talk about anything

MonkeyPuddle · 04/02/2021 20:32

Had my back no matter what. She’d tell me if she thought I was fucking up, but she’d be there to catch me if I fell.

mrbensbaker · 04/02/2021 20:33

Moved to the other end of the country.

Sunshineonarainydayy · 04/02/2021 20:35

Giving me freedom in late teens to have the best time of my life. Dreading having to do the same with mine when the time comes but I'm so thankful my usually strict parents didn't restrain me too much.

FlyingFaster · 04/02/2021 20:36

Love. Unconditional love. My parents did a lot wrong, but I never doubted I was loved.

MondeoFan · 04/02/2021 20:38

Helped me pay for driving lessons. They paid for one a week, I paid for the other. They paid for my test and bought me my first car and paid insurance and tax.
Without that I wouldn't have been able to afford to drive.

EarringsandLipstick · 04/02/2021 20:38

Another one .. we always talked & listened to each other. Some of us more than others!

But our mealtimes were full of discussions & people giving their opinions & it really was an education in itself.

So much so that the 'outlaws' when they came along all admitted the early family meals were a bit terrifying.

They now slag us all for being nerdy & show-offs!

Catsonacradle1 · 04/02/2021 20:39

My parents had me late on in life late 40s. They let me have freedom and trusted me.

TinkersRucksack · 04/02/2021 20:41

Taught me to read before I got to nursery school.

willowmelangell · 04/02/2021 20:41

Never swore in front of us.
Almost never argued in front of children.
Started a savings book from birth.
Library before school age.
Never bought on credit card.
Only drank alcohol on a Saturday night.
Made birthdays and Christmas really special.

GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal · 04/02/2021 20:42

I never doubted my mum loved me. She was a rubbish parent in most ways - a chaotic, deperessed, financially irresponsible drunk who's behaviour drove me to attempt suicide myself. But she loved me, and I knew that. Believe it or not, that knowledge did make a massive difference.

Spied · 04/02/2021 20:43

My Mum enabled and greatly encouraged a very close relationship with her parents and aunties/uncles and other extended family members.
My psychopathic Father stayed away ( mostly)- best thing he ever could have done.
Even as an adult I feel very unsafe and uncomfortable if/when our paths cross.

beelzeboob · 04/02/2021 20:45

Never gave us money, we had minimal pocket money. We’d get clothes and stuff for Christmas and birthdays but it was clear that anything else we had to earn for ourselves with hard work / earning money / paper rounds from age 14. What they did do though was facilitate facilitate facilitate. Drive is everywhere. Pick us up. Encourage us. Education and hard work was absolutely paramount. It’s given me and my siblings all financial independence and we have all done very well in our chosen careers

HeidiHaughton · 04/02/2021 20:47

Priotised education. Stable home life. Stable finances. No "roughness" like swearing or drunken stuff. Showed us how to cook for ourselves. Gave us all help buying our first home, which is a huge advantage in life.