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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What was the best thing your parents did?

147 replies

Plmoknijb123 · 04/02/2021 19:45

I am a new mother, and thinking about how to raise my child etc, and wonder...what was the best thing your parents did for you?

In my case, it was that my mum never pushed me into anything or forced my into achieving things. She fully supported whatever I wanted and tried to nurture my natural talents and interests.

So AIBU to ask you for the best thing your parents did, to give me some insight into how to be a good parent?

OP posts:
pilates · 04/02/2021 21:39

Strong work ethics, strong moral compass and good manners.

Purplecatshopaholic · 04/02/2021 21:39

Instilled a strong work ethic, and the importance of working hard for a good education. I thank them for that for sure.

JengaJanga · 04/02/2021 21:40

If its not working for any reason please do not stay together for the child

pieminster34 · 04/02/2021 21:40

So refreshing to see such lovely memories and comments here !

Twattergy · 04/02/2021 21:41

Treated me with respect even from the youngest of ages.
Never patronised me or made stuff up thinking I couldn't understand the truth.
Never judged me.
Respected my privacy, didn't intrude.
Took us on fun family holidays.
Prized intelligence, morals and creativity above material gain and appearances.
Shared their passions.
Never ever put us down or humiliated us.

AnnaMagdalena · 04/02/2021 21:41

@ilovebagpuss That's really important - them knowing that they are loved and can always come home if things go tits up, and they won't be made to feel like crap for it.

Not that you want them to stay at home forever - but they need to know that if things go really badly wrong, and they can't unscramble them, they can come home to re-assess, without someone telling them how stupid/useless they are, or making them feel even worse than they already feel.

This probably sounds a bit batshit, OP, but hand puppets can sometimes hit the spot that you can't. Teenagers in a pickle can sometimes find it easier to tell a talking sock what's gone wrong, even if the talking sock is on your parental hand. Grin

AnnaMagdalena · 04/02/2021 21:42

I will say, again, that I've done a lot of really crap parenting, too. I could write more about where I've gone wrong than where I've gone right!

cyclingtowardsbethlehem · 04/02/2021 21:43

Focused on experiences rather than stuff. They were quite often skint but really prioritised us trying stuff or going places.

Didn't impose any ridiculous gender stereotypes. Nothing was for boys or for girls in our house. Including emphasising that how you looked is a very distant second to how you think and act.

Cornetttttto · 04/02/2021 21:43

Strong work ethics and attitude to money and saving it.

Ginevere · 04/02/2021 21:45

The best thing my mum did was just to make it clear that I was totally loved. I never questioned her endless, unwavering love and support, and I think it gave me an inner core of self belief that some of my friends with less ‘emotionally present’ parents have.

My dad, meanwhile, the best thing he ever did for me was to die. Frankly.

CutePixie · 04/02/2021 21:46

My parents taught me to read and write way before my peers could. Became my passion. They weren’t too strict or controlling either. Those who had controlling parents ended up going off the rails in their teens! They also encouraged my resilience, which has served me well.

dementedma · 04/02/2021 21:46

Divorced

VinylDetective · 04/02/2021 21:48

Unconditional love. I never from the day I was born had any reason to doubt that they loved me. No child could ask for more. I wish I was half as good a parent as they were.

Meercatmama · 04/02/2021 21:49

Loving me unconditionally , giving me a secure stable up bringing with clear boundaries. Most of all in the late 1970's and early 1980's making me believe that girls can do anything they want educationally and job wise, making me understand hard work and effort brings rewards. Teaching me skills such as wallpapering and decorating plus other basic house maintenance skills. Teaching me to be balance budget but also spend to enjoy life . Allowing a love of reading to develop from a early age and a good work ethic . Most of important though teaching me that treating others as you want to be treated yourself even if you manage them. I am always have great relationships with my class cleaner and the school caretaker my TA's as I would and could do their jobs they do and appreciate what they do for me to make my life and the school run efficiently. Also because they are great people who I have great conversations with and have unexpected life experiences that I can share . The last one has been a mantra in my life and I love the variety of people I talk to and engage with. You never know the turn of events and those you tread on as you make your way up will kick you when you are on your knees. Those you help and recognize their efforts and contributions could be the greatest allies in times of trouble. My dad lived by that mantra

HeadNorth · 04/02/2021 21:50

My mum never forced me to eat food I didn't fancy, or to clear my plate. This was incredibly unusual for a 70s childhood. She made sure if I went to a friend or relatives house for tea I wouldn't be forced to finish my food - the other children couldn't believe it!

I think it is because of this that I have never had any food issues or a weight problem - and I am in my 50s now. I only eat what I want/need and have never been forced to over ride that in the name of 'manners'. I brought my children up the same - I may not be a perfect mum but there were no arguments about food in our house.

cyclingtowardsbethlehem · 04/02/2021 21:56

Oh and- one of the things I would like to emulate more is volunteering and community service. I travel a lot for work and have been totally wrung out by early parenting, but one of my resolutions when covid and the restrictions it has palces on my time has finished is to engage consistently with something.

Also, they always made sure we had an eye on current affairs and would talk about the news with us.

They had bad points too, like all parents, but they did a pretty good job!

PTH20 · 04/02/2021 21:58

They got divorced Grin

WayTooSoon · 04/02/2021 21:59

I grew up completely unaware of money struggles. By that, I don't mean that they were rich, I mean that they never talked about money struggles in front of us kids or made us worry about their worries. I remember one particular toy in the 80s that everyone wanted - I think it was called a skippit. I really wanted one and my dad said "why don't we try making one?" Which we did out of an old coat hanger, some electrical tape and an old ball. It looked monstrous looking back on it now, but to me it was perfect.

LetMeBubble · 04/02/2021 22:01

Beautiful thread

My parents devoted their lives to family, despite the hurdles they faced.

They knew they had many many flaws but were clear about the fact they want to give us a better start to life than theirs so we have less internal struggles

I’m grateful

KizzyKat91 · 04/02/2021 22:02

Read a story to me every single night and taught me to read at a young age (before attending school).

They encouraged me to read proper literature and didn’t worry about “adult themes”. I read all the classics at about 8 years old and my mum gave me her A level copies of Shakespeare and Chaucer before I’d left primary school! I remember being obsessed with reading all of the handwritten notes she’d made in the margins. Every time I reread them, I’d gain a little more understanding and it was like reading them for the first time all over again.

She often reread books as I discovered them for the first time, so that we could discuss them in the car on the way to school.

PuddyMuddles4 · 04/02/2021 22:05

My parents (well, my DM really, DF was a bit of an arsehole), taught me independence. They let me stand on my own two feet and learn my own lessons. That's what I'm teaching my DC.

Unsure33 · 04/02/2021 22:09

Made me realise money is not happiness.

Very little money spent on toys but lots of good fun and freedom .

Taught to have our own opinions .

Also I think inherited a very no nonsense , get on with things attitude.No drama queens in our family

Happymum12345 · 04/02/2021 22:13

They let me have music lessons.

spaceghetto · 04/02/2021 22:13

That there is excitement and fun to be had in everything. We'd have days of eating in reverse so cereal for dinner and pie and mash for breakfast. We always had special cutlery and a table cloth for Sunday lunches. Special snack pots for movie time. My dad also loved to play practical jokes. They would put dance shows on for us instead of a bedtime story. I have the same sense of fun with my two children!

Scarby9 · 04/02/2021 22:13

Always appeared to enjoy spending time with us.
Meals together, holidays together, day trips out, just being in the garden. They seemed to find us nice people to be with.
When someone's face lights up when you enter the room, you feel loved and secure. I try to do that for other young people I know.