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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Made to feel guilty as I’ve had the Covid vaccination!

299 replies

DottyDonut · 04/02/2021 18:22

So I have a teen DC (CEV) who was vaccinated against Covid yesterday, I was with him and was offered one too as the clinic had quite a few cancellations apparently. I certainly wasn’t expecting it so was caught on the spot but thought I’d be pretty stupid to turn it down so had it.

I mentioned it to my sister who was quite pissed off saying it wasn’t fair! She has since told her husband and I got a sarcastic message from her SIL this morning asking me if I was proud of myself ‘jumping the queue’ and how did I deserve to be so lucky. No, I’m not lucky to have a DS who’ll never live independently Angry. She not very nice anyway and I know she has been really scared of getting Covid as she’s very overweight but this is really nasty isn’t it?

I didn’t do anything wrong. Would anyone have turned it down in my shoes?

OP posts:
iljatdip · 04/02/2021 19:41

Fucking ridiculous.
Tell her to get lost.
The vaccine would have ended up in the bin at the end of the day if there was no one available to take it.
People need to get a grip of themselves and stop with this vaccine envy nonsense.

WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants · 04/02/2021 19:41

570 votes YANBU.

You're not being unreasonable to accept a vaccination you were offered.

Your sister is acting like a bitch. If she's normally like this then very low contact seems like a good idea

If my sisters SIL had messaged me Id have told her to fuck off, mind her own business & never message me again.

Your DS needs you & he's vulnerable, you having the vaccine makes so much sense

Ignore the idiots & feel good that you're protecting yourself, your son & everyone else

Apart from that, aren't non paid carers supposed to be getting the vaccination now anyway??

ddl1 · 04/02/2021 19:41

How nasty of her. No,of course you did nothing wrong; the vaccine would have likely gone to waste. You didn't jump the queue; you were offered it! In any case, I think that carers for very vulnerable people should be treated as a high priority for the vaccine in any case.

Keratinsmooth · 04/02/2021 19:42

Better in your arm than the bin. Better for your sons parent to have a vaccine. I would never share any personal information with them again.

IDKNABYBIF22 · 04/02/2021 19:43

@NoIDontLikeTrains

"Maybe I should have gone in with him rather than wait in the car, and sod the extra risk to me, DP, and other people from me unnecessarily going into the vaccine centre 🤨 Because as we all know, a carer has to stay within 30cm of the person they care for at all times."

What a nasty, spiteful comment. Did you miss the where the OP said her CEV teen son will never live independently? Seems quite understandable why he might have needed his mum to help him navigate his way around a mass vaccination centre. Give your jealous head a wobble.

GurlwiththeCurl · 04/02/2021 19:43

I was called in suddenly to have mine at a local hospital, when I was expecting to have it in a couple of weeks at a place even nearer. When I had been given the jab, an HCA came over and offered DH one as he is my carer. As he would be due to have it soon in his own right, we didn’t feel at all guilty.

Neither should you, OP!

Sexnotgender · 04/02/2021 19:45

Yeah, best to let the vaccine go to waste rather than use it...

FFS are they usually such arseholes?

DenisetheMenace · 04/02/2021 19:45

Today 19:29 LyingWitchInTheWardrobe

What is CEV? I've seen it posted a few times now

Clinically extremely vulnerable

EmmaGrundyForPM · 04/02/2021 19:46

I'm a volunteer at a vaccine centre. We offer the vaccine to carers etc towards the end of the day rather than throw it away. It's not queue jumping. Your SiL is being very judgemental.

DenisetheMenace · 04/02/2021 19:46

GurlwiththeCurl

I was called in suddenly to have mine at a local hospital, when I was expecting to have it in a couple of weeks at a place even nearer. When I had been given the jab, an HCA came over and offered DH one as he is my carer. As he would be due to have it soon in his own right, we didn’t feel at all guilty.”

Damn right. Very glad to see common sense in action.

This is turning into a really good news thread 😃

Original poster
DottyDonut · 04/02/2021 19:47

Well thank you very much! Feel slightly less guilty now. It was the Pfizer jab so I imagine it’d been defrosted and they’d had lots of cancellations in the morning as it was only lunchtime. I suspect my area may be low uptake due to the demographic (lots of Covidiots Hmm).

I had read that carers would get it but I couldn’t see when. I don’t think my GP surgery even know I’m DS’s registered carer and it’s them that are sending the texts to book.

I haven’t responded to the text and I not answering my sisters calls. She’s obviously been shit stirring and it’s really upset me actually. I would have been happy for her if she’d got it. We’re both under 50 so expected to wait a long while.

I certainly won’t be telling anyone else!

OP posts:
DenisetheMenace · 04/02/2021 19:48

@Jux

"I have heard (can't prove it) that in one of the clinics near us, the volunteers are given the spare doses at the end of the day. I'm not sure whether that's because the vaccine they have won't 'keep' overnight, or what. If it's that they don't keep then it's fair enough."

And the problem is?

I’m surprised all those working day in day out to vaccinate others aren’t being vaccinated as policy anyway.

NoIDontLikeTrains · 04/02/2021 19:50

[quote IDKNABYBIF22]@NoIDontLikeTrains

"Maybe I should have gone in with him rather than wait in the car, and sod the extra risk to me, DP, and other people from me unnecessarily going into the vaccine centre 🤨 Because as we all know, a carer has to stay within 30cm of the person they care for at all times."

What a nasty, spiteful comment. Did you miss the where the OP said her CEV teen son will never live independently? Seems quite understandable why he might have needed his mum to help him navigate his way around a mass vaccination centre. Give your jealous head a wobble.[/quote]
You must be a lovely person to immediately jump to the assumption that that's a comment on the OP's situation, rather than a comment in response to the many people saying it's routine for carers of ECVs to be offered a vaccine, in the context of my DP's vaccinator making a snippy comment. I was just pointing out that many ECVs will have carers who aren't physically by their side during the vaccine, because they're being careful and avoiding unnecessary exposure.

pensivepigeon · 04/02/2021 19:51

What a nasty, spiteful comment. Did you miss the where the OP said her CEV teen son will never live independently? Seems quite understandable why he might have needed his mum to help him navigate his way around a mass vaccination centre. Give your jealous head a wobble.

I think some people's frustration at their own actions, done in good faith in an attempt to be fair, don't seem to directly benefit them. That's the way of things though. Rewards for acting selflessly (out of a sense of fairness) may take some time in coming. Also other people act differently not out of a sense of entitlement but simply out of need.

When I had cancer I had to rely on help from others. My DH had to do much more than his fair share in good faith. People have literally forget our struggles many times and said thoughtless things because we are of a mindset that complaining just prolongs suffering. We choose to take it as a compliment...

IDKNABYBIF22 · 04/02/2021 19:52

@DenisetheMenace

"I’m surprised all those working day in day out to vaccinate others aren’t being vaccinated as policy anyway."

They are; volunteers in vaccine centres are in priority group 2 as they come under the category of being front line health and social care workers.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 04/02/2021 19:52

@DenisetheMenace

Today 19:29 LyingWitchInTheWardrobe

What is CEV? I've seen it posted a few times now

Clinically extremely vulnerable

Thanks; for some reason I'd thought that the 'V' stood for 'vaccine' and that stopped me in my tracks.

CEV is also the latter part of my mate's car number plate.

AlternativePerspective · 04/02/2021 19:52

I have a serious heart condition (not CEV but should definitely count as group6) and I’ve been told I am not categorised and am currently having an uphill battle to try to get on the list for group6. GP even says I should be but not their problem apparently.

But even then there is nothing to be achieved by being bitter about other people being vaccinated before me. In fact whenever someone has told me they’ve had their vaccination/booked their appointment I actually think it’s quite exciting.

Tell your sister’s SIL to piss off.

TheGoogleMum · 04/02/2021 19:55

Some people have a weird jealous attitude. Staff are tying to reduce vaccine wastage which means some people end up getting the vaccine for being in the right place at the right time. Everyone who wants a vaccine will get one sooner if they are used when they would otherwise go to waste (someone else can have the spot that would have been yours later on). It doesn't benefit anyone to refuse the vaccine if offered it early

pensivepigeon · 04/02/2021 19:56

rather than a comment in response to the many people saying it's routine for carers of ECVs to be offered a vaccine, in the context of my DP's vaccinator making a snippy comment. I was just pointing out that many ECVs will have carers who aren't physically by their side during the vaccine, because they're being careful and avoiding unnecessary exposure.

Yes, that makes sense and I can understand your frustration. But people can also feel judged when you justify an action you did in order to be fair which they are unable to take because of their specific circumstances. What is fair is different according to people's different situations.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 04/02/2021 19:56

It's better for you to have it than to let it go to waste. I don't know your relationship with your sister, with mine.. I'd tell one to fuck off and tell the other to.. probably fuck off, actually!

I do think we all have a responsibility to get the vaccine when we can. There are people that can't have it... If its offered to you bloody well take it!

hapagirl · 04/02/2021 19:57

They are totally unreasonable. If you hadn’t accepted it probably would have been a wasted dose and who would that help. Be happy you and your DS are vaccinated and ignore SIL. I would also have accepted in those circumstances.

NoIDontLikeTrains · 04/02/2021 19:57

pensive — I was being slightly sarcastic; of course I wasn't going to go in there with him. I wanted to make it clear that "we jab 'em while they're here with someone" isn't going to pick up all the carers, or even necessarily most of them; I've watched others struggle in on their own while the person with them waits outside.

Mrsjayy · 04/02/2021 19:58

I don't know what the abbreviation cev means but I think if anybody was offered it along side their family member they would roll up their sleeve quick smart. As far as I aware the vaccine would have been wasted so you saved it , good for you, ignore anybody giving you grief about it.

IDKNABYBIF22 · 04/02/2021 19:58

@NoIDontLikeTrains

I thought you were directly saying it to the OP, regardless I still think your comment of
"Maybe I should have gone in with him rather than wait in the car, and sod the extra risk to me, DP, and other people from me unnecessarily going into the vaccine centre 🤨 Because as we all know, a carer has to stay within 30cm of the person they care for at all times."

Was sarcastic, nasty and unnecessary. Hopefully you get your vaccine soon.

iamyourequal · 04/02/2021 19:58

You did nothing wrong. In fact what you did was completely correct as you may have helped theNHS maintain their efficiency target for that and possibly saved a dose of vaccine from going to waste.