How often do married couples really have sex??

[PlsSendWine]

My husband has always wanted a lot of sex. We’ve been together 12 years, married 7 and have 2 older children (mine) and two younger ones (ours).
I’m tired, all the time! I have some health issues which cause chronic fatigue and lots of muscle and joint pains but I still work part time, deal with the house and kids and try to carry on with life as best I can, like we all do.
But he wants sex++, everyday if I’d do it! I’ve tried to give him more and recently we’ve been ‘doing things’ at least twice a week if not more. I’m exhausted and in more pain than I’ve ever been. I don’t really enjoy it anymore, he’s very big (10 stone heavier than when we met!) I just don’t feel attracted to him. But if I say no (usually he’ll text me from work or somewhere else in the house to tell me he wants it that night or even sooner) he repeatedly asks and then gets annoyed then gets moody and arsey with me, sometimes for days, until I eventually give in. In between that time, before I give in, we’ll argue about everything and sometimes I end up saying really mean things just to get him to leave me alone... I hate the person I become. His version of arguing is shouting and swearing even in front of the kids and I hate it! He says I’m never affectionate to him and he feels unloved but if I do so much as give him a hug he takes it as a come-on and won’t leave me alone. He acts as if I should be pleased he finds me so attractive, maybe I’m just being selfish.

So I just don’t know if I’m being unreasonable not to have sex with him more. We have gone through patches where we don’t for a week or two and he carries on and on about it, but to be honest I just don’t want it anymore. Recently I’ve made a huge effort, yet I said no the other day because frankly I’m in too much pain all over and it’s been arguments ever since. I’m so miserable.

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So you have fibromyalgia.?

Once or twice a week

@Kettledodger

Thanks people ....I am 6 stone heavier than I was when I first met DP I am now 20 stone ....yes I know I should lose weight....yes I am trying. I put on a whole load substituting smoking with eating. Just as well my DP still loves me huh. Weight should have nothing to do with it. People put on weight for a reason usually

Sorry but you're being a bit naive if you think significant weight gain doesn't or shouldn't affect physical attraction. It might not be affecting your relationship but it's still relevant for OP's.

It can be anywhere from 3 times a week to once every 6 weeks. DH is finding it difficult to get in the mood now I'm pregnant. The first time we had sex after we found out I was pregnant I had spotting the next day which freaked him out, and now I've got a bump he doesn't find it very comfortable. And we're really busy at work. Perfect storm really.

I could have written this 5 years ago. I’m now divorced and happier than I ever thought I would be.
And I met someone who loves me rather than just wants to fuck me, and at one point (admittedly briefly) was having and enjoying sex 6 times a day.

Now it’s less often- and there are times when my health issues mean we don’t have sex for a couple of weeks. And he’s fine with that- when I brought it up he was just confused and asked why I thought he would want to have sex with me if it was causing me pain, because the point of it was to be enjoyable for both of us.

It’s really tough to believe this from where you are, but you deserve better. And it won’t get better with him, because his entitlement and excuses can’t be unlearned

Do people not even bother to read the ops posts these days
Fml

@Catchingfire123

My OH has a lower sex drive than me and would be happy with 1-2 times a month.

It does sometimes make me feel unattractive / unloved but I have to think logically.

Same.

YANBU. It doesn't matter how much other people have sex.

This is abuse and it's hell.

He not only pesters you for sex in a really unpleasant way, but you're not physically attracted to him anyway. So you feel you have to have sex when you don't want to, with someone you find unattractive.

The whole situation is hardly going to make you feel horny.

I dumped a sex pest a year ago, and life has been soo relaxing and peaceful.

I'd recommend separating from him.

You will be ok, you'll probably feel a lot better. xxx

@Marinaloves

Do people not even bother to read the ops posts these days Fml

Nope. And yup

Your husband sounds revolting. I have a much higher sex drive than my other half but I certainly wouldn't carry on like your husband is or expect him to have sex with me when he didn't want to or wasn't enjoying it, that's disgusting behaviour and not how you behave with someone you love.

You deserve someone who wants to please you and work round your medical problems and support you, not this.

Ffs he is a coercive creep.
I wouldn't want someone 10 stone heavier on top of me either. Texting you about it is kind of threatening behaviour designed to put you on edge.
He sounds awful.

Depends can be anything to every day of the week, sometimes twice a day to nothing for weeks. Really depends on how tired we are.

Your H doesn't sound very nice pressuring you like that.

My dh doesn't find me attractive since I put on a lot of weight so we haven't had sex since last summer.

HOw often people have sex is irrelevant here.

You don't want to, he tries to manipulate you and force you into doing it, and you do it to please him. Not OK.

We've been together close to 20 y and have sex 2 to 4 times per week.

However, that's choice. Who.wants to fuck an inconsiderate, rude sex pest? I cant imagine a greater turn off. I think you aren't focusing on the real problem: him.

Yuck, he sounds like a vile fat pig.

My DH and I have been together 12 years and have sex once or twice a month, although we'd both like it more. We have two children, one of whom has ASD and doesn't sleep so we never really get proper time alone in bed. We used to have sex 3 times a day back when we first got together. I'm very jealous of the couples who have time to do it more.

How often doesn't matter.

Your DH is being abusive.

Sorry OP. X

Me and DH have sex around twice a week at the moment. I'm due dc3 in march and expect that I'll go off it for a bit afterwards (I did with the other 2). DH will be fine with that and if he wasn't he'd go without for longer because it would really put me off.

BUT how much we have sex is irrelevant. I wouldn't want to have sex with someone who pesters me for it and who sulked if I wasn't up for it.

If you're committed to your marriage then you should insist on counselling and that he seeks help for his eating behaviour.

Tbh though it sounds more like you can't see a way out and as a result aren't considering leaving. If that's the case get some individual counselling, some legal advice and some financial advice.

Op

How many times others are doing it is irrelevant.

You are being coerced and forced into sex.

There’s a word for it: rape. He is taping you. He knows he is. He doesn’t care.

You deserve better.

Truly

This sounds absolutely terrible. I literally couldn't stand it and would leave him. Married 30 years here and about 3 times a month.

Married 23 years (together 25) about 3 times a week on average. Your DH sounds like a knob though expecting you to 'service his needs' whether you feel like it or not [grim]

1-2 times a week generally, sometimes less - but that’s irrelevant really.

I think he’s disgusting - you are gritting your teeth through the pain and shagging him 2-3 times a week to keep him happy and he’s STILL complaining?! What a selfish arse.

It sounds like you’ve had enough OP and are imagining a life without him - I would say get your ducks in a row and make plans to leave - you sound very unhappy.

OP that's a shit situation.
If you don't want to leave and he won't go then something has to give.
He is not a good dad if he's shouting in front of the kids because he can't get what he wants from you. That is abusive to you all.
I'm also with the others who said that his extra weight would be a massive physical turn off for me.
I know you said you've spoken to him before but if nobody is going anywhere then you are going to have to TELL him now, not discuss, not negotiate so he gets what he wants.
He needs to know he is abusing you, I'm quite sure he will know that already but he now needs to know that YOU know its abuse and you class it as such.
I would tell him that his behaviour is ruining your marriage and you will not be putting up with it any longer. If he wants to behave like an abusive bully then you'll call the police.
What would happen if you didn't give in, like not at all? Could you do that?

I know it’s not all about looks blah blah but ten fkin stone weight gain !! Nah . No wonder you don’t fancy him

@Bagelsandbrie

I felt sad reading your book post. I have a lot of autoimmune conditions and there is no way I could put up with someone like your dh. It’s one of the reasons I left my now ex Dh. When you’re already in a lot of pain and discomfort the thought of being physical with someone else feels like such an invasion.

You understand. X

Don't go to counselling with him OP, he is an abuser. I bet he abuses you in other ways too. Go to counselling on your own, it will help you see your situation for what is is. You need clarity. This does not have to be your life.