Who's being unreasonable?

[SpiggySpotty]

Will try and explain the situation as best as possible...

2DSC and 1DC with DH.

Basically DH bought a car last year which is inappropriate for the family, we don't all fit in it and it's a nightmare for going anywhere. I have a car that we can all fit in for a day out but it's impossible to actually go anywhere in it for say a weekend or a holiday because there just isn't enough space for bags and everything else we all need.

I've been saying since then that we need to sort this car issue otherwise it's going to cause problems when we are back to being able to travel. Basically we need to swap my car for something bigger (his was the big family car before) - the selfishness about the new car is another thread tbh!

His family, my DSCs and my DCs grandparents live in a popular holiday spot with lots of land/beach etc... and before Covid, we would always go down there for a week or two to see them and to have a bit of a holiday with everyone. Kids all absolutely love it there.

Some of my family live abroad and I have been there once or twice for a long weekend on my own with our DC so they could meet and see each other but DSC have never been. It's just too expensive for us to take everyone abroad for a holiday in term time basically so I've only ever taken our DC alone for no more than a few days.

I asked DH about this again the other day and he seems to think it would be fine for him to take just the DSC to his parents this year seen as we all can't fit in the car properly.

I think this is really unfair. They are our DCs grandparents too and I think it's really cruel to just leave them behind. Part of me is wondering if that's right though considering they have been away with me without the DSC but in my mind, that's different because 1. It was only for a couple of days and 2. That was not to see DSCs family, they don't even know them.

To my DC, their Dad will be going off with their siblings to see their grandparents to a place they love going and they will be left at home with me.

AIBU to be really pissed off that this is the solution that DH has come up with? The only fair thing in my mind is for him to sort a better car out so all the children can go!

Obviously this isn't something that is happening next week or any time in the very near future but it's upset me that he thinks that's okay.

Why are you not able to upgrade your own car? Do you not have equal access to finances?

@violetbunny

Why are you not able to upgrade your own car? Do you not have equal access to finances?

Why would you upgrade for one jolly holiday when the rest of the time the cars are suitable for the family. I had the wagon for years with the kids, oh had a wagon for his dogs, hobbies. I bought myself a cracking little mini cabriolet goes like a rocket, great for me, two child seats in the back for grandkids when necessary, it would not take me on a uk holiday jolly. Do the math @SpiggySpotty how much per annum will the bigger car cost, how much will a hire vehicle, box on the top cost. My neighbours have two cars on lease, both working from home the drip drip of the lease costs must be galling.

The cars are not suitable for the whole family any of the time.

They have the stepchildren 50/50. Who wants to take two cars on every single family day out?

It's like the husband is thinking in terms of his two different families and ne'er the twain shall meet.

Or more likely @SecondRow he didn't give any thought to families at all when he stood Mr Toad like in front of his awesome new car - Toot Toot! Up to DW to sort out tiresome logistics - Vroom, Vroom.

I’d be furious about this. A car is there to fit needs, I’m a bit of a petrolhead myself so I get why he’s gone and bought the car, but whilst my car is very capable of fulfilling my petrolhead needs it also fits our family of four plus two dogs in the estate. He could have compromised. You can even get ruddy Tesla’s with seven seats that do 0-60 in a few seconds. It can be done.

Is he having a midlife crisis?

I'm totally with you OP. If your OP was considering a car which means that the 5 of you can never go to visit grandparents, which is also seen like your family holiday, ever again and he did not think that this was something to discuss with you then he is a world-class dick.

Honestly I think it is absolutely his problem to solve and anyone who sees it differently is an enabler. Going without your DC is not a solution. I honestly would find this relationship threatening. I do wonder about taking 2 cars though. It sounds like your finances are separate so clearly the extra cost of that should be borne by him and he will have to, therefore, give up something else which he would be spending that money on instead. But that solution is only a solution if you're prepared to live with someone who does not care how the decisions they make impact on anyone else.

@hedgehoglurker

Another option is to take both cars.

Em yep

@SecondRow

The cars are not suitable for the whole family any of the time.

They have the stepchildren 50/50. Who wants to take two cars on every single family day out?

It's like the husband is thinking in terms of his two different families and ne'er the twain shall meet.

She said hers is big enough for days out but not trips away

Oh, ok - but when his old car fit them all comfortably and hers a bit of a squeeze (the dog as well?) I'd have thought they'd take his. Taking hers now because there's no choice is less than ideal.