To want to hear about those kids/teens who are stoically getting on with lockdown

[DuchessFerrara]

Not taking a pop at young people with SEN or MH issues. It must be heartbreaking to watch them endure the isolation and frustration of lockdown.

I would like to hear about the DC who, like my Yr11, don't feel as though their lives have been decimated. Aren't aggrieved to be making sacrifices for the "oldies". Don't feel their education has been wasted because their exams have been cancelled.

I'd love to hear about those DC who are knuckling down to their studies without too much complaint, are optimistic for the future and are - for the most part - pleasant to be around.

I do think as parents our attitude greatly influences how our children view lockdown. I have been reading a lot about resilience as I am genuinely curious how 2 people can be exposed to the same situation, one deals with it, the other has PTSD and I do think a lot of it is how resilient we are and how we were taught to deal with events as children.

For some dc school isn’t actually a great fit for who they are.

I can see this is a factor for some kids - e.g. for those quiet, homebody kids who find school a bit stressful, it might be a relief to be in lockdown.

However, I don't think that's the whole story. My dd is definitely a better "fit" with the school system. Loves to be around people, throws herself into extracurricular activities, enjoys being a part of the school community. She would definitely prefer to be back to normal, but she is coping well with lockdown nonetheless.

my 2 dc are generally just getting on with it and most of my friends dc are. I suppose you don't hear about them as we are not on here looking for advice to get them to study etc. DC don't like it and they are certainly not themselves but they understand this isn't forever.

Not every kid with SN has suffered with lockdown. Gone is the pressure to conform and the bullying.

I agree @Hazelnutlatteplease
Not having to mask all day has been such a welcome change for my children. DD does miss her activities terribly, but they are both just so much more relaxed. It does help that their day is very structured still.

DS (16) has been like this, but he is super chilled and very mature (unlike his mother at a similar age )

I think partly we've framed it as "not forever" and also tried to emphasise the (admittedly few) positive aspects- he was quite pleased when I suggested that lockdown working may make the transition to uni easier as he would be used to a greater degree of independent working for example.

I am concerned though that his expectations are quite low now. We've taken the decision to postpone our summer holiday to Asia and he was just resigned to it. It occurred to me that he's had nothing we planned actually go ahead for the past 11 months.

In short though, he's fortunate his 6th form have good online provision, we are a small and supportive family, he can easily speak to friends online and we live in a nice area with plenty of opportunity for outdoor exercise. I suspect that lack of any one of these things would make a huge difference to how he's coping.

Ds has severe sen and has struggled including needing increased medication . He is in school as a vulnerable child because of this. He has though coped well and accepted changes when you consider his level of understanding and that he doesn't have a clue why everything has changed.

Mine is uncomplaining and says he prefers it. But I can see the effect on his physical fitness!

He cracks through all the work set every morning and spends the rest of the day chatting with his friends and playing PS or Roblox. The sport is the real issue as he does it but doesn’t love it - so getting him back on the pitch may be harder at the end of it all. But he’s probably more calm and cuddly and cheerful without the hectic pace of normal life.

Really happy to say my 13 yo has just got on with it. I have to say the school have excelled themselves with live lessons, offering help where needed, feedback. marking and lots of communication to parents and pupils. etc so we are really lucky. I know many parents really struggling so feel relieved that we have had few issues. It's actually been nice sitting with them now and then to experience their lessons, and a bit of company, and just to make sure they are managing and completing what's expected. Some nice chats. I've learnt a lot too!

What's been interesting is that their year have been studying WW2 and the holocaust, which my child has stated has put it all into perspective. They have naturally the odd worry about catching covid once back at school, and for now state they feel safer at home.

Myself and my DH have been realistic but reassuring with them regarding the pandemic and deal with every day as it comes, so hopefully that's rubbed off a little.

My youngest is autistic and he goes to an online school. He's currently preparing for his IGCSEs with little complaint. He is getting cabin fever so we go for a drive in local area sometimes or he goes for a walk around the estate. He misses his friends, but plays online with them. He wishes the weather was better so we could go out into the garden. I bought him a sunlight lamp to try and help with the dismal days.

My eldest has adhd and is doing a Masters atm. Learning is all online. He's very social and misses the contact with friends and other people on the course. All he wants is to go to the pub with his pals.

I feel so sorry for them both as it's just crap that they can't see friends.

I think a big part of why he has coped is that he has been able to attend school throughout. There are other children with his needs who haven't been allowed and some of them will be having a much worse time because of it.

My DD is in year 11. She is ok, getting on with lessons on Zoom and homework. Of course she is missing school but not very much, she didn’t like the set up at school over autumn: masks, open windows, restrictions at lunch time, she felt anxious. Now she’s actually more relaxed at home and appreciates later start. She doesn’t have friends at school so maybe it’s another reason why she’s not upset about being at home.

My 18 year old is just getting on with it, he’s even managed to get his A level grade predictions up from C D D to A B B by spending more time studying than hanging out with friends and is actually showing more interest in going to University now it’s looking more likely with his higher grade predictions

Mine are both fine.

In fact, dd2, this is better for her in terms of education. So many disruptive children in her class, that working quietly at home is better. On the zoom calls the disruptive children are muted. Can't do that in a classroom. She loves reading, so gets to read 3 or 4 hours solid every day, she's very happy.

Also, for both my dc, their life skills (cooking mostly) have had the opportunity this year to be way beyond what they would have been. I send them on errands to the shops which they would never have had the time to do.

We are lucky. They're resilient kids and I'm at home, furloughed, with time.

My DSs are doing OK (15 and 18)

We have a lot of good conversations and actual fun, they have taken up new interests which I know wouldn't have happened in normal times, e.g. fitness stuff and reading on new topics. Our relationships have improved even more. We know each other inside out now. There are positives.

However, my children go to private school, I have money to indulge the new hobbies and my job has been unimpacted by the pandemic - other than WFH.

And even in saying all of that.....schools and life need to return for children. The above is a poor substitute for real life - they need peer interaction not constant parent interaction. they need team sports, they need to get the hell out of the house and see some of the world.

Mine are fine, a bit bored sometimes and would love a holiday, days out or to have a family party or do sport but basically still motivated, still doing well at online school, talking to their friends.

Their school has done a brilliant job though, throughout both lockdowns and I think that, plus family meals and them having a good bond between them has been the swing factor. If they all hated one another it would be hell.

The ten year old in year 6 was ambivalent about whether schools shut or not and has been enjoying learning from home and being able to organise his time how he likes. We don’t need to do anything with him at all as he gets on with it himself and seems very happy.

The 7 year old in year 3 didn’t want schools to close and doesn’t like learning at home but is still happy, though missed his friends more.

We’ve been lucky to have the time to do plan and do other activities to occupy ourselves in the afternoons/evenings so it’s been enjoyable but I’m aware it could have been very different if a few things in our circumstances hadn’t happened to align.

Dd1 and dd2 are suffering from lack of mates, they qre 21 and 18 though.

Dd3 is 14, she's loving online school. She's a sports scholar at an academic private school. She said yesterday that she enjoys it because she feels more as if she's got everything done, rather than feeling a bit pulled in all directions- got to go to hockey training, but there's also a house meeting and oh, she's got history due in tomorrow. She is doggedly doing online school and enjoying being in control of her life a bit more. I'm having a think about how to improve things for her when she goes back. She's naturally solitary - probably being the youngest of three - and she is lucky enough to have a pony so she's riding a lot. I'm not sure she'll want to go back tbh.

that why i said mine have had the odd wobble.

In DS14s case, his wobble was a HUGE autistic meltdown where he physically attacked me, screamed for an hour, then cried on and off for the rest of the day about how he couldn't cope and how he was upset he'd hurt me (black eye and broken glasses), I applied a lot of love and care and had to up my game with looking after him, which seems to have helped, as has going back to school.

DD has had some tears, a couple of refusals/stresses over work, but again, i've stepped in, been understanding, helped out...etc

Its not all sunshine and roses, but they're also not bemoaning how their lives are ruined every day or feeling cheated out of a year of their life....etc

I'm extraordinarily proud of how well they're doing in the circumstances, just wish i could cope like they are tbh.

Ummm I never said it was just my kids @QuantumQuality. Are you unable to read?

As someone who doesn’t have children this is nice to hear. I haven’t seen the gloating, just parents who are lucky about their children coping reasonably well. And hoping that continues.

Like relationships/pregnancy/education threads it is important to hear good and bad experiences. The majority will need help but you can also see that things can be better. I have posted about depression in the past and to a certain extent it was good to see people who either don’t have depression or are recovering. I think there is also some responsibility to just scroll past threads if you know at the moment they may trigger or upset you.

It is very important for support to be available for those who have or develop MH difficulties in children. I am happy to campaign for this now and most importantly when things die down and the spotlight is on other things.

If anyone starts a thread about struggling children it is piled on by people saying it's the parents fault and think of the war. Nice to see the judgement on this one too. 'Hysterical parents make hysterical children'

My 13 and 9 year old boys are just getting on with it. They've worn masks in shops since the very beginning. Both are in school and enjoying the smaller class sizes, fewer distractions. The days when they learn from home they just get on with it. They understand they still need an education and that Monday to Friday are still normal school days unless its a holiday/snow day. They enjoyed playing out with the family, distanced from others in the summer and are managing the cold weather with films, some console time, talking to their friends, sleeping in til 9/10 though still in bed between 9-10pm.

My two are doing pretty well (7 and 9), although I think that the time away from school has made my eldest realise how stressful she finds school, so we might have some resistance when it comes to getting her to go back! We've settled into quite a nice routine, to be honest, and now that the days are getting a bit longer, we often go out in the morning or evening for a walk / run. The days are very full on for us though - both working from home and trying to homeschool. Bit of irritability and snapping at times (mainly from me).

Mine are fine and getting on with it, one primary one secondary. Some of the extracurricular activities have stopped others are over zoom.

They miss normal and their friends but understand why this is important.

I was a very part time nanny before the lockdown, but have been going in each day for a few hours to help with my 10 year old charge. Mum and Dad both working from home. Mum doing Live lessons as a sge us a teacher.
Really proud of him. Using Google classrooms we have had everything done and submitted. I then leave him with his reading or some research for the next day.

He has knuckled down ( with the occasional day of not concentrating as well)
Mum has had him out running with her in the morning before I get there which helps I thing.
Two virtual meet ups with class a day helps .