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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu about my birthday

143 replies

AOwlAOwlAOwl · 03/02/2021 19:22

I'm 40 today. I told my husband I wanted a nice present and some nice food - quite a lot of scope there, he's a good cook and we have some very good restaurants doing 'dinner at home' type boxes for delivery.

We both WFH today, no scope for either of us to get the day off btw.

I had some flowers delivered and a lovely cake with my name on it and a card. My main present is apparently coming on Saturday. If it is what I hope it is it will be fantastic, but I don't know for sure. No clue in the card I got today.

I finished work at 5 and went for a walk on my own. Just before I left my husband said he couldn't get a dinner delivery so he was going to order takeaway, what did I want. When I came back he had PJ's on and was sat in front of the TV like we do most evenings.

The food that arrived was rubbish, I had a little cry and told my husband I was disappointed. He's gone to cook something now, bless him. But I feel let down and sad.

OP posts:
VinterKvinna · 03/02/2021 19:23

Happy Birthday OP
sorry its a bit shit!

WorraLiberty · 03/02/2021 19:23

FFS seriously?

PurpleFlower1983 · 03/02/2021 19:24

It sounds like he’s made an effort so I think YABU but it must be hard having a big birthday in lockdown Flowers

Coffeehunter · 03/02/2021 19:25

You sound like hard work

glasgowLil · 03/02/2021 19:25

Happy birthday! That is a bit rubbish tho. Not surprised you are upset. I’m afraid I now organise my own birthday to avoid disappointment. I book the restaurant, forward the email booking to him and tell him he’s paying!

CoffeeRunner · 03/02/2021 19:26

Let down? Are you for real?

You had a cake, flowers, card & are getting a lovely gift on Saturday.

It’s not your DH’s fault the takeaway wasn’t to your liking.

In what way did he let you down?

LegendDairy · 03/02/2021 19:27

Flowers, cake, card and a present arriving Saturday not good enough?

Sunbeam18 · 03/02/2021 19:29

I'd be disappointed too!

HangOnToYourself · 03/02/2021 19:29

Wow I spent my birthday alone watching tv in bed. Consider yourself lucky to have a partner during a pandemic let alone one that actually makes an effort and is thoughtful. Its not his fault you didnt like the takeaway

latheritup · 03/02/2021 19:29

I think you're being a tad over the top. It's not his fault the takeaway was rubbish.

Flowers and a cake is lovely, your present is on the way. What else did you want?

Nether the less, happy birthday!

FabbyMagic · 03/02/2021 19:30

Well what does he mean he couldn’t get a dinner delivery? Maybe they had been booked up for ages, unless he would have only looked last minute. Otherwise I think it all sound quite nice though

Vivi0 · 03/02/2021 19:32

Yes, you are being unreasonable about your birthday.

DavidsSchitt · 03/02/2021 19:32

Nah, he should've planned a bit better unless you only told him yesterday which type of dinner you wanted. That said, put it behind you and enjoy your tea and the rest of the evening.

Happy birthday 🥳

WorraLiberty · 03/02/2021 19:33

Honestly, 2 of my DC turned 18 and 21 during lockdown.

Really not how they'd always imagined those birthdays to be but neither of them would've considered crying over a takeaway. Thank the lord.

I imagine your husband is feeling pretty shit after his efforts.

HmmSureJan · 03/02/2021 19:35

I really not one to misery plop but on this occasion I'm gonna!

I have a BIG birthday in two weeks, I won't get anything done for me really as I am single parent of children with additional needs. I won't see anyone except my kids - fine because I adore them. No cake, no flowers unless I get them myself, probs a couple of cards from family. There won't be a party or anything special after Covid like others will have. The day will pass with not much happening like all my birthdays do.

Your birthday sounds really lovely to me Smile

Cam2020 · 03/02/2021 19:36

Oh, come on, give the OP a break! Big birthdays can often be emotional at the best of times, let alone in lockdown.

Happy birthday, OP. Hopefully the rest of your week will be nicer when there isn't the same sense of expectation/emotion and your present is lovely.

Having said that, asking a question on AIBU and expecting a sympathetic response is definitely unreasonable!

Godimabitch · 03/02/2021 19:36

I'd be a bit disappointed but it's not terrible.
The present could have been here on time if he had been better organised. And he could have planned dinner, he just didn't. But he still got you a card, flowers and cake.

Original poster
AOwlAOwlAOwl · 03/02/2021 19:36

We go walking a lot for holidays, and we would usually go away somewhere in the UK for the weekend of my birthday but I thought he might suggest a walk somewhere local after work or jazz up the takeaway with a tablecloth and some candles. Just a bit of something that's more effort than a normal birthday.

OP posts:
KrisAkabusi · 03/02/2021 19:36

I feel sorry for your husband. He's clearly gone to some trouble, but you're crying over how disappointed you are. I think you're massively overreacting.

MrsWhistledown · 03/02/2021 19:37

I think considering we're in lockdown you're being unreasonable - lockdown birthdays are bound to be worse than a normal birthday.

He got you flowers and a cake and ordered in, it wasn't his fault it wasn't good.

However saying that, this is a hard time for everyone and as the saying goes - it's your party and you can cry if you want to! Flowers

Cam2020 · 03/02/2021 19:40

Honestly, 2 of my DC turned 18 and 21 during lockdown.

Really not how they'd always imagined those birthdays to be but neither of them would've considered crying over a takeaway. Thank the lord.

As disappointing as that must have been for them, I don't think 18th and 21st birthdays are as emotionally loaded as some other birthdays. Some people are more sensitive about 'big' birthdays.

Vivi0 · 03/02/2021 19:40

@AOwlAOwlAOwl

We go walking a lot for holidays, and we would usually go away somewhere in the UK for the weekend of my birthday but I thought he might suggest a walk somewhere local after work or jazz up the takeaway with a tablecloth and some candles. Just a bit of something that's more effort than a normal birthday.
If you wanted to go for a walk on your birthday, why didn’t you suggest it?

If you wanted to eat your birthday takeaway by candlight, why didn’t you suggest it?

Your DH isn’t a mind reader.

Donann · 03/02/2021 19:43

You sound like hard work. I feel sorry for DH

WorraLiberty · 03/02/2021 19:44

I can just imagine the responses if a man posted about how disappointed he was in his wife's efforts, and how after ordering him a takeaway he didn't like, she's trotted off to the kitchen to cook him something.

The phrase 'man child' would be all over this thread.

TheChip · 03/02/2021 19:45

Your husband must be feeling quite let down too. To make an effort and have it blow up in his face.

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