Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu about my birthday

143 replies

AOwlAOwlAOwl · 03/02/2021 19:22

I'm 40 today. I told my husband I wanted a nice present and some nice food - quite a lot of scope there, he's a good cook and we have some very good restaurants doing 'dinner at home' type boxes for delivery.

We both WFH today, no scope for either of us to get the day off btw.

I had some flowers delivered and a lovely cake with my name on it and a card. My main present is apparently coming on Saturday. If it is what I hope it is it will be fantastic, but I don't know for sure. No clue in the card I got today.

I finished work at 5 and went for a walk on my own. Just before I left my husband said he couldn't get a dinner delivery so he was going to order takeaway, what did I want. When I came back he had PJ's on and was sat in front of the TV like we do most evenings.

The food that arrived was rubbish, I had a little cry and told my husband I was disappointed. He's gone to cook something now, bless him. But I feel let down and sad.

OP posts:
Mus1cMan1a · 03/02/2021 23:27

Happy birthday

Big birthday & you both didn't take the day off work ?

tentimesaday · 03/02/2021 23:29

FFS. Not a day seems to go by without one of these 'I'm so disappointed about the lack of effort my OH made for my major birthday" threads. What is it with you people? Grow up.

Embarrasedaf · 03/02/2021 23:34

I want to know what the terrible takeaway wasGrin

I can understand why you were disappointed OP. We’ve been in lockdown for almost a year now, so there’s already established ways to celebrate a lockdown birthday and make it special. It sounds like he did the bare minimum and it wasn’t any different than any other Wednesday evening. There was no thought involved etc.

Embarrasedaf · 03/02/2021 23:35

Happy birthday 🥳 🎂

Xmasbaby11 · 03/02/2021 23:35

Yanbu op. He didn't make much effort. What's he usually like? My dh is not great with surprises so I'd have known to be more specific if I had expectations.

Hope you can find something nice to do at the weekend and your friends and family are making you feel special.

lonelyatchristmas · 03/02/2021 23:38

I've just celebrated my 40th birthday and because of lockdown I spent it on my own.. living with elderly parent so I couldn't even see my boyfriend on the day.. one of the loneliest days I've ever put down so be happy that you spent it with your husband.. and be grateful for the effort he did make..

PeggyHill · 03/02/2021 23:45

I think you're sad because you spent your 40th birthday in lockdown. It's understandable - lockdown is an unnatural state and everyone is fucking sick of it. It's difficult to make a landmark birthday feel special when you can't go out anywhere or invite anyone over.

Don't take it out on DH. Sounds like he tried.

Happy Birthday CakeGin

Makesmilingyourbesthobby · 03/02/2021 23:47

I have 3 DD’s 3,6 and 12 who all have had they birthdays in lockdown and if things don’t improve soon my 12 year old will be having her 13th in lockdown too, christmas, New year Easter, Halloween and anything in between, plus home schooling have my children moaned once about what I’ve managed or not managed to do no, for me and many others this is the time we have found to be most appreciative of what we got rather than not got, A little cry or moan about frustrations of how things are or from exhaustion or struggles or many other things right now is perfectly fine but from your posts it doesn’t seem to be anything but the ‘lack’ of effort he made. If he does normally make a good effort I wouldn’t be bothered by this at all and would be very thankful 😊

EKGEMS · 03/02/2021 23:48

There's some really bitchy queen bees buzzing around this hive tonight. Happy birthday OP don't let anyone tell you your feelings are wrong

m0therofdragons · 03/02/2021 23:51

People have such low expectations of their partners when it comes to birthdays. That’s rubbish for your 40th! I’m sorry op, I am always baffled by mn approach to birthdays. I planned dh’s 40th birthday last year and made so much effort to ensure he felt loved and appreciated. Hopefully Saturday’s gift isn’t a let down xx

Tenohfour · 03/02/2021 23:55

This is terrible and you're just right to have a strop. After all, it's not every day you turn 4! Oh, 40 you say...?

Justlovedogs · 03/02/2021 23:56

Can someone explain to me the difference between a 40th birthday and, say, a 41st or 39th? They're just birthdays, are they not? Or am I missing something here? Confused

AliceinBunniland · 04/02/2021 07:24

Can someone explain to me the difference between a 40th birthday and, say, a 41st or 39th? They're just birthdays, are they not? Or am I missing something here?

Yes you're missing something.

I said above OP is being U bit this comment is silly. You must realise that some people think of 18th, 21st and decade birthdays as being a bigger deal. That's why in the Card factory you can probably find balloons and cards with "40" on but maybe not "39" or "41".

Bookwords · 04/02/2021 08:25

@Justlovedogs it's what's called a milestone birthday. These are like 18th, 21sr and anything ending in an 0. Hope that helps.

LaceyBetty · 04/02/2021 09:18

@Justlovedogs

Can someone explain to me the difference between a 40th birthday and, say, a 41st or 39th? They're just birthdays, are they not? Or am I missing something here? Confused
Oh please.
honeylulu · 04/02/2021 09:38

It really doesn't sound that bad! Especially in lockdown when options are so restricted.

My husband was 60 last week and I blew up some balloons, made a fancy breakfast with bucks fizz, made a cake and ordered a takeaway. His present did arrive on time admittedly. I can't really see what else I could have done and if he'd cried/complained about it I would have been hurt.

You should have been more specific about the little details - men are usually happy to go along with that but the little things aren't what occur to them. I get it, it's not as spontaneous or romantic if you have to ask but it's better than setting him up to fail.

And you "don't like takeaway food". Really? All of it? There are so many options. Cote at Home is great for example. Why didn't you choose something you liked?

BikeRunSki · 04/02/2021 09:45

OP, if that was a normal year, I imagine a big birthday midweek, might mean a meal out at the weekend? Can you get a restaurant meal delivered on Saturday ? You know, your present is coming on Saturday - extend the celebration!

BikeRunSki · 04/02/2021 09:47

I had a decade birthday in the November lockdown. It wasn’t what I was hoping for, but I had a nice weekend, with decent food. I arranged it all myself though!

ittakes2 · 04/02/2021 09:53

I had my 50th during lock down. It’s hard but sorry you asked for a nice present and nice food. If you wanted to avoid what you do every night ie watch tv than I think you might have done well to be specific about that. I personally like watching TV!

HOkieCOkie · 04/02/2021 10:00

Wow are you sure your 40 today and not 4?

Jocasta2018 · 04/02/2021 10:13

I think you've been very lucky - flowers, personalised cake on the day & a pressie on Saturday.
What more did you want - a firework display?
So the food was not to your standards?
As your pressie is coming at the weekend, organise a food delivery for then.

Fieldofyellowflowers · 04/02/2021 10:27

I do understand that when you have big expectations for how your day is going to go you can feel a little deflated if it doesn't go as planned.

But, tbh, it is hard to make birthdays special in lockdown.

Cheesewiz · 04/02/2021 10:59

Yabu you sound like hard work

KarmaStar · 04/02/2021 11:15

Spoilt little princess.

Justlovedogs · 04/02/2021 14:16

@AliceinBunniland - Yes, I know Card Factory sell '0' cards, but I still have never understood the fuss? 18th, yes because it marks the start of adulthood (sort of) and the ability to drink alcohol legally (in the UK, at least). 21st? There are other things that become legal, but 30? 40? Really? You're just another year older than the one before. Maybe it's just that, with DH and I have birthday's 1 day apart (3 year age gap), we've never really bothered overly much as we'd be buying each other presents and cards at the same time! We might go out for a meal, away for a weekend or I'll cook something nice for us both, but all finances permitting and never to do with ages. Still, each to their own and life would be incredibly boring if we were all the same. Smile
Oh, and I've had several '0' birthdays and have another coming up in a year or so, so no sour grapes here! Grin