Dd8 refusing to do anymore school work from home from tomorrow

[Northpole23]

My daughter is saying she refuses to do any more work on computer, it’s remote lessons not online until she goes back to school. She said she is officially bored, frustrated of watching videos and doing this boring work and cries. She misses her friends and the way they do things at school.

I can’t force her can I but I’ve already asked school if she could go back and this was last week but heard nothing. Now she has officially reached boredom point. She is 8, outgoing and sociable. Hates the computer and doesn’t want to do anything anymore .

Not really sure what to do? I’ve sat with her, helped her but she just gets bored, doesn’t engage anymore . She is good at things but doesn’t engage anymore and doesn’t want to watch one more video. She has been doing the work but today said she isn’t do anything from now on until she goes back 😳 maybe tomorrow she will but she seems to really mean it now.

As a family we have decided to have a longer half term break as we are DONE!

Perhaps suggest this as long as she understands you will have to do some school work after half term even if you agree a different set up after half term.

Maybe you could use half term to look at the curriculum and organise a few projects that might engage her over the following weeks. Or books to read. Workbooks to order. Things to make. Just options to keep her away from videos.

@Benjispruce2 so glad your not my mum.
Formal education is not compulsory actually. My friend home educates her four no structure all play and fun. You would be amazed at how well rounded and motivated they are. She has taught them to have enquiring minds and taught them how yo learn.

@cardibach

It’s not a whole day in a computer as several posters are saying. It’s 5 hours. If they were at school they wouldn’t be doing drawing/reading/playing during those hours either (unless it was art, English or Pe, obvs) so there’s still time for all the things they enjoy. As a teacher I’m royally pissed off that having worked my socks off in a way I wasn’t trained for I’m either wrong for doing too much, too little, the wrong things or being ‘boring’. You can all fuck off now, thanks.

But don’t you know that these parents who aren’t at all qualified know more about teaching and learning than you do?

🤔

I sincerely hope that you have decent parents who appreciate the work you’re having to put into this.

"As a teacher I’m royally pissed off that having worked my socks off in a way I wasn’t trained for I’m either wrong for doing too much, too little, the wrong things or being ‘boring’. You can all fuck off now, thanks."

It's an absolute 'mare for teachers. It's absolutely not fair on them either. But would you have chosen this way of doing things, or done something differently?

There are about a million other ways that this situation could have been handled but as they all cost money and needed imagination, rather than flogging teachers and flogging parents, none of them were ever going to happen.

We have incentives - prizes to work towards. We start with an assembly they enjoy and the day is structured with breaks and crafts/exercise/treats. Regular skype catch ups with friends. We have lots of chats about well-being and how to maintain it.

No one is saying this is easy. This arrangement is almost as hard for outgoing home edders as it is for school children.

I feel deeply sorry for every single child of the ‘just make her/force her/you’re in charge brigade.’ They’re the stately homes kids of the future.

Permissive parenting (the only kind of parenting that completely omits the 'this is not optional' aspect) is really harmful.

Mental health is important so I’d give her a break. It’s Children’s Mental Health week and today at my children’s school they had ‘Well-being Wednesday’ and were told to spend the day doing as they please focusing on activities they found beneficial for themselves. So if you as her mother think she needs a day or two to relax then let her.

As an aside has she had her eyes checked recently? Computer work gives me terrible eye strain and sometimes I will get to the point where I physically don’t want to look at a screen. I would do anything other than look at the screen. It could be something like this that’s she not able to articulate.

@CarolEffingBaskin is your relationship with your children really so fragile that it would be forever ruined if you explained to them that sometimes we do have to struggle through things that are not pleasant and that things like schools are not something they can just opt out of?

Honestly if this was my child I would be partly proud actually. She is asserting herself in what is all all round wholly abnormal and endless situation that is extremely difficult. Just because it's happening to everyone at present doesn't make it less so.

It sounds like your daughter needs a break. Adults have days signed off by their GP for stress from their jobs for example where it is needed. I wouldn't really this as so different.

I would set a specific number of days as a break for your daughter on the premise that you make a plan for when she goes back to home learning and what you do then.

I would suggest continuing with essentials like maths and English in the morning. Schools generally do these subjects then as children are more alert. I would buy a time and set specific tasks to be accomplished within a manageable amount of time with adequate breaks.

Then in the afternoon I would change the type of learning completely and use this as an incentive. So many outdoor and fun indoor things that can incorporate learning.

I can’t force her can I but I’ve already asked school if she could go back and this was last week but heard nothing

Sorry, are you saying your child is in the same league as the vulnerable and key worker children?

Give over,

OP, you have my sympathies. I'm finding it incredibly difficult and also feel so very very burnt out by it all. Its absolutely draining to have to constantly encourage and cajole a sad, frustrated, disengaged child in to doing the very minimum work. I also have a bright, socially 9 year old and he's so lonely and bored. He loves school, but the current home learning situation is awful. Our school are trying their best (definitely no teacher bashing from me).
This week we have kind of given up. We're all on our knees with it all. DH and I have work deadlines left right and centre and are working continuously to get stuff done. 9 year old has reached his lockdown limit and had a huge meltdown on Monday. He's sad, and hates everything and he's just devastated at how rubbish everything feels.
So. I have not forced him to do anything. I validated his feelings and tried to reassure him that things will get better. But I've also given him two days off school work. To do whatever he likes. No limits, no pressure, just chill and decompress. He already looks happier and more relaxed. We'll be back in the routine tomorrow. I see this as no different to an adult needing time of sick for their own wellbeing. I was a child who was made to get on with 'it' regardless and it has not done me any favours as an adult.

We're to find this hard. It is hard. We shouldn't be making our children feel bad for finding it hard.

If you can’t maintain a good relationship with your child while caring about her education and her mental health then you’re a shit parent. End of.

OP does care about her education and MH.

@Lampsank

If you can’t maintain a good relationship with your child while caring about her education and her mental health then you’re a shit parent. End of.

OP does care about her education and MH.

I was addressing the poster who made such ridiculous comments about Stately Homes parents. That’s why I quoted her post.

She is 8 and its Children's Mental Health week. I would spend the next 3 days doing baking, painting, science experiments for fun and I would contact the school and tell them why. I honestly don't think they will mind.

@Savvyblonde

As a teacher I am going to go against the grain and say let her leave the school work. Go from a different angle and go practically- go and buy some lemon juice, vinegar and bicarbonate soda and let her mix potions. Then write them down - what are they for? Boil some red cabbage and add the liquid to different household substances and watch it change colour. Have her write about it. Go for a walk and create a mystery on the way. Choose a country and plan a holiday there. Make up a silly song on the humanities topic she is covering. You will need to get creative but if it's fun she will enjoy it and life will be easier for all of you. Alternatively, set a time limit of 2 hours to do school stuff, then do lots of fun stuff that is still learning. There is plenty of time to cover the curriculum later. For now she needs to be doing some alternative stuff. There is loads out there, if your really desperate check out the BBC bite size schedule in the afternoon.

Christ I’d love the time to make up my own school day every day with super fun things but back to reality, we work full time and thus ours have to get the work done that they are set (all primary Y1, 4 and 6). They aren’t super enthused but frankly there is nothing else to do at the moment and they are moping round bored when they are not doing it. We have arguments but frankly I think far worse for their mental health long term to fall behind the curriculum (which like it or not is what it is) and not feel able when they return.

And to the OP I am not in the least bit surprised you haven’t heard from the school - your child along with everyone else’s in this country feels the same so if they were to accept her back it would open the floodgates.

[quote Casschops]@Benjispruce2 so glad your not my mum.
Formal education is not compulsory actually. My friend home educates her four no structure all play and fun. You would be amazed at how well rounded and motivated they are. She has taught them to have enquiring minds and taught them how yo learn.[/quote]
How fantastic @Casschops I love your friend! Very true, children have an innate desire to learn.

Do bear in mind that schools are obliged to continue to follow the curriculum during this lockdown. The DfE has specifically said schools must cover new content so if she doesn't cover the work now it may not be covered again in school.

In my class I have about 75% engaging well with at least English and Maths and 25% doing little to nothing. I can't go over everything again for the 25% who didn't do it when 75% have already covered it. I just plan to do a review of the key areas.

Focus on the maths and English, even if she just does part of the task, and I would definitely try to do some sort of reward system. You could also ask the teacher to call up for a chat if that would be helpful.

For a week at least I would let her make that decision but she wouldn't be having phone/tablet/tv etc during her usual school hours. She can decide she isnt going to engage, you can't force her to bit you can make the alternative even more boring. She can play with her toys or she can read, those are her options.

It sounds like she is trying to force your hand to send her to school, thinking that it is a choice to keep her home. Probably when she realises it isn’t your choice and you don't have any more control over it than she does, she'll start working again.

I’d compromise. Maths, english, cbeebies :)

Even some of the bbc2 stuff- she may find it interesting.

Goodness, there are a lot of posters suggesting the OP does really time consuming alternative activities with her DD. Did you miss the bit where she's doing a full time job lecturing? You can't pop in, do a bit of a lecture/seminar/student meeting then wander off and bake or paint! (well the lecturers could totally have got away with it when I was at university, but I suspect things are different now).

Yup. Totally shit parent for prioritising mental health over whether or not my DD is forced to watch the same YouTube story 3 times and answer the same mindless questions on it 3 times. OK. Gotcha.

You honestly think kids can’t catch up on anything that’s actually important to know? There’s more to life than academics at the age of 7 for fucks sake.

Indeed, further, when adults are stressed, anxious or depressed they have the option for sick leave. Some adults are lucky enough to have 6 months or more of paid sick leave (NHS for example), which they can take for mental health reasons.

Why exactly do children not deserve the same health intervention? There’s more than one way to learn. Not doing school work that makes them anxious for whatever reason doesn’t necessarily mean not learning. It means thinking outside the box to meet that need in other ways - and schools being able to support that when necessary.

8 year olds aren’t meant to sit in front of screens all day. Get her to read to you. Do some things she enjoys. Try and get some outside time in there. Make her feel heard and then say you know it’s really tough and will ask her teacher for some ideas to make it less boring for now so it brings the teacher in but she still knows you are listening.