Dd8 refusing to do anymore school work from home from tomorrow

[Northpole23]

My daughter is saying she refuses to do any more work on computer, it’s remote lessons not online until she goes back to school. She said she is officially bored, frustrated of watching videos and doing this boring work and cries. She misses her friends and the way they do things at school.

I can’t force her can I but I’ve already asked school if she could go back and this was last week but heard nothing. Now she has officially reached boredom point. She is 8, outgoing and sociable. Hates the computer and doesn’t want to do anything anymore .

Not really sure what to do? I’ve sat with her, helped her but she just gets bored, doesn’t engage anymore . She is good at things but doesn’t engage anymore and doesn’t want to watch one more video. She has been doing the work but today said she isn’t do anything from now on until she goes back 😳 maybe tomorrow she will but she seems to really mean it now.

The thing I find is that they're bored anyway!

I gave my kids Friday off every week in the first lockdown, and they still moped about looking for me to entertain them, because there is literally nothing else to do.

I'd be quite firm: you must do a bit of writing, a bit of reading, and a bit of maths each day. She can choose the timetable: maybe get it done in the morning, or an hour morning and afternoon, but it's not negotiable.

@MyDcAreMarvel I agree, a lot of the home learning, particularly at primary level, is not appropriate. My own school not included (secondary) as I think we are going above and beyond. What my DC receive is awful though, especially Y6. However, this strengthens my argument in that all the time schools allow the drip-drip of new students in because they are not engaging or 'bored' at home. This means all the kids who do suck it up will be at home longer!

Actually our school just sent a lovely letter to share with kids who are struggling, which explains that your adults are the same as deputy head teachers, and so you must do as they're asking etc. I thought it was a good explanation for littler ones.

i think it's because as the adult and parent it is also your job to coerce your child into doing what they have to do even if they don't want to

Even if OP forced her to sit in front of the computer, if she is struggling is there much value in that? Not really, she isn't going to learn, and will likely begin to associate learning with feeling like this, which isn't good. I don't agree the DD should go into school, but as a parent yes, should ensure the child accesses education, but if for the situation it's not really working, why not ask the professional for advice on how to better engage etc?

I’d just like to interject a wee comment....

Just because a child isn’t completing all the work set by their school doesn’t mean they’re not learning. I see on a few comments people seem to be suggesting that children not doing all set work somehow aren’t learning.

Some children, especially young ones, would learn much more by baking with their parent, than by passively sitting through a 3rd or 4th online lesson of the day.
Obviously some basics are important but learning doesn’t have to mean doing work set by the school.

Also I would say don't worry about substituting one task for another. If she doesn't like her reading book let her read something she's excited about. If she doesn't fancy the art project she's given, let her do a painting of her choice. Etc etc.

@OhCaptain

I don’t like this implication that those of us who are meeting education goals aren’t aware that our children’s mental health is at stake.

But the last my own dc need is to fall completely behind on top of everything else they’re dealing with.

Like millions of families, we’re fitting school around full-time jobs, and dealing with sickness, loss, a high risk child, not seeing grandparents etc.

It’s absolutely, undeniably shit. But our children have to learn. There’s no choice in it as far as I’m concerned.

Just like they have to sleep and they have to eat - they have to do their schoolwork.

This

Whilst I understand and sympathise with what you are saying, if you were one of my school’s parents, you would need to know that the children in school are doing the same, ‘boring’, work as those at home.

We supply paper packs, online tasks and live lessons. The children in school get the choice between working on a paper pack or online. They sit the live and recorded lessons at the same time as the children at home.

The only difference is the playtime’s tbh. Even PE is done in the school hall following YouTube!

I get that she misses her friends, and that is important to her, but ‘missing the way they do things in school’ might not be something the school can solve.

As a teacher I am going to go against the grain and say let her leave the school work. Go from a different angle and go practically- go and buy some lemon juice, vinegar and bicarbonate soda and let her mix potions. Then write them down - what are they for? Boil some red cabbage and add the liquid to different household substances and watch it change colour. Have her write about it. Go for a walk and create a mystery on the way. Choose a country and plan a holiday there. Make up a silly song on the humanities topic she is covering. You will need to get creative but if it's fun she will enjoy it and life will be easier for all of you. Alternatively, set a time limit of 2 hours to do school stuff, then do lots of fun stuff that is still learning. There is plenty of time to cover the curriculum later. For now she needs to be doing some alternative stuff. There is loads out there, if your really desperate check out the BBC bite size schedule in the afternoon.

Personally I would set more engaging alternative work other than the maths - I home schooled mine and they investigated, then produced booklets and PowerPoint presentations each week. Reading, research skills plus whatever topic.

I would also suggest bribery, treat on Friday lunch if Mon-Thursday goes well, McDonald's drive through is 50+ cars long when I pass on Fridays, I think others are bribing their kids!

[quote lovepickledlimes]@Lampsank I think it's because as the adult and parent it is also your job to coerce your child into doing what they have to do even if they don't want to[/quote]
Interesting.
I see it more as my job to create an environment in which my child enjoys learning and learns in a developmentally appropriate way. A whole day On a computer isn’t that in my opinion.

I also see it as a parents job to be responsive to all a child’s needs, rather than be an enforcer of lessons.

Haven't rtft, but has anyone suggested arranging video calls with a friend in her class so they can do some of the work together?

My 8 year old feels the same, she wants things to go back to normal. We found out my dad is terminally ill too.

So we have spoken to the school and have started to take things a little easier. She does maths and English. Then we do the other stuff as and when. If she's in the mood we will get lots done and catch up. When she's less so we focus on 1 or 2 key tasks.

I often look at what they have set and see if there's a more practical way we can learn it, instead of staring at a screen. So we have done adjectives when out on a walk, money through setting up our own shop, reading and comprehension through her favourite magazines and books.

@LolaSmiles

As a teacher I'm bored and frustrated with remote learning and I see it in my students too. They're good students. I'm a good teacher. The situation is nothing like anything we've ever been through and it's hard on lots of us.

I would be wary of allowing her to point blank refuse to do anything, but doing maths/English at some point around other fun things to break it up for a few days is fine. Definitely speak to the teacher to let them know she's finding it hard.

God help you once they're all back in schools and parents are moaning about their kids being behind in their education. It's like the ones who take them out of school for holidays then expect you to make all the effort to get them caught up.

I don't blame her at all
She has it quite right
We should all (from Boris through to the poster on this thread who think not doing SPAG is akin giving your child ket and no dinner) stop pretending this is all just fine. It isn't.

Teachers are under the kosh and working really hard to deliver what is probably the single worst strategy imaginable for looking after children's education and wellbeing.

DC3 who is now 10 was very similar in first lockdown, we laid right off the schoolwork this time. We do an hour max on it each day - maths, english or science, and try to spend the time we do have available doing nice things together. The rest of the time he pursues his own interests - has spent many happy afternoons curled up reading with the cat, doing his own projects.

I also feel people are being harsh . This is not disobedience . Even adults are finding this hard . The whole structure and learning experience is alien to these children .

If it helps our grandchild found the following helpful.

A structured timetable
Remote help from other family members with different subjects
The change in speaking to different people about the subjects helped quite a bit .
Not giving him a hard time when he was struggling .or crying or on a down day . Being understanding
A bit of blackmail with treats ( minimal of course )

Personally I wish the lessons were a bit more fun ( still covering the basics ) IMO as a stand in helper .

If she refused to go to school, the head would kid get involved. This is no different. Tell her if she doesn’t you will contact the headteacher and she will get involved. Who’s in charge here??

@Ihatemyseleffordoingthis

Boris was actually last man standing . He did not want to close schools , hence why he made himself sound stupid. He said he had to balance mental health problems caused by school closures against the virus being spread back to adults in the family .
He was under pressure from the science and as it appears the unions .

Are you able to sit with her and do any of it together? My youngest is the same age and it's too much to be alone on a computer but thankfully ours aren't all live lessons and we can do a lot of it offline with pencils and paper. We're also using a bit of bribery for the boring bits he doesn't want to do and a choice of small treats has worked wonders for a bit of motivation.

@Benjispruce2

Really ? That’s not helpful. Every child is different and this is not being naughty this is struggling with a very hard situation.

At 6 7 and 8 they can’t exactly see the end game can they .

They enjoy school and miss it . It’s sad and should not be a battleground.

@ginsparkles

That’s a good idea . I think adjectives etc can be taught without them really realising what you are doing .

@Unsure33 - that isn't my take on Bojo.

I think schools have to remain closed until they can safely re-open. The govt. have refused to invest or consider anything other than an all or nothing approach and now insist on hounding schools to hound parents to engage in stuff that can be profoundly unengaging. So, no, I don't think he gives a stuff about mental health.

Im going to go out on a limb here and say that I don't blame her. She is being forced into an artificial way of existing and its clearly affecting her mental health. He mental wellness is so so important and I feel that she shouldn't have to just suck it up and crack on. Children have to be motivated and interested to learn properly. Its an energy sap being in front of a computer all day. I stopped doing anything on zoom with my son. It was useless. We went out, baked wrote shopping lists and counted things.
In the second world war children missed years of school and look. Life went on. I feel for her I told my sons teacher that I would be deciding what he does. Im so sorry for her and all the other children who are suffering.

It’s not a whole day in a computer as several posters are saying. It’s 5 hours. If they were at school they wouldn’t be doing drawing/reading/playing during those hours either (unless it was art, English or Pe, obvs) so there’s still time for all the things they enjoy.
As a teacher I’m royally pissed off that having worked my socks off in a way I wasn’t trained for I’m either wrong for doing too much, too little, the wrong things or being ‘boring’. You can all fuck off now, thanks.