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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Mixed weight relationship

159 replies

Nonimai · 02/02/2021 20:11

Until last night, I had never heard the term “ mixed weight relationship” and would have still have been unaware had the Mail online not published a very peculiar article about a larger lady in a mixed weight relationship with a slim man ( like that’s news!). I then started to Google and realised that although the phrase Mixed Weight Relationship is seen by many as fat-shaming and mysogenistic (people don’t seem to dislike it as much if a man has a higher BMI than his partner) - it is actually a researched thing that apparently people generally view a relationship with a larger woman/ thinner man as lesser somehow.
I am a larger (size 22) plain looking short woman in my 50s, happily married to a completely in love with me, tall, slim good looking man who has a good job. He was considered a catch by both me and my friends tbh. However today looking at my life and friendships through the lens of “ mixed weight relationships and peoples apparent prejudice towards them” I have started to think on comments said to me by friends over the last 9 years since I got engaged and then married. I don’t want to suggest this is a common occurrence or that I have been in anyway upset - just puzzled and a bit peed off at the time, I suppose.
One friend repeatedly suggests that I lose weight, groom myself more or he will play away. I have been asked directly if he is a feeder. Another friend suggested we had a private small wedding because we didn’t look right together. No she didn’t get invited! - and speaking to my husband he says that business colleagues have commented on him liking larger women. He just thought they were shallow.
To me, the whole thing is horribly shallow and derogatory - do you agree? Or please be honest , do you make assumptions when you see couples where there is substantial physical difference? What do you think of the term “ mixed weight relationship?”.

OP posts:
TwoShades1 · 03/02/2021 09:28

I would never say anything but I do somehow find people of a significantly different weight in a relationship odd. I knew a couple and he ran marathons (very slim) and she was very obese and probably couldn’t run the length of her house.

PurpleDaisies · 03/02/2021 09:30

@TwoShades1

I would never say anything but I do somehow find people of a significantly different weight in a relationship odd. I knew a couple and he ran marathons (very slim) and she was very obese and probably couldn’t run the length of her house.
People have different hobbies. Is that really ground breaking? Confused
Hahaha88 · 03/02/2021 09:48

I assisted a coil fitting which required 2 people to hold the thighs and belly out of the way, while the 3rd person fitted the coil. Without assistance, the patient’s vagina was inaccessible.

Surely this woman must have been beyond morbidly obese or potentially had disabilities affecting her movement?! I am a particularly large woman, size 28, and I've never had any issues with having intimate examinations or coil fitting. I am quite capable of opening my legs and even my dangly belly doesn't cover my vulva!

lockedownloretta · 03/02/2021 09:54

This thread is disgusting. The level of people's prejudice is horrible.

LordOfTheOnionRings · 03/02/2021 10:08

Hated towards fat women and attractiveness is deeply ingrained in our society and you can't act otherwise. My partner is physically fit and I am not, when we started dating I was asked if he was a feeder and had always liked large women. My attractiveness is defined more than my weight, not that you'd know by speaking to most of the people I know!

Comtesse · 03/02/2021 10:13

Don’t read the Daily Mail. No one needs to fill their head with that junk

Emeraldshamrock · 03/02/2021 10:14

There is obviously sexual positions that would be awkward but there is many you'd manage.
T.W Over-share
My OH has a very large stomach you could not do missionary or on his lap but you work around it.

mrstnov13 · 03/02/2021 10:44

I'm a size 22-24 and 5 foot 8 inches high.
DH is about 135 pounds and 5 foot 6.

So I guess I'm doubly judged- not only is my DH slim, he's also shorter than me! Oh the shame!

Been married 17 years and I'd like to think we're rather happy so it's a good job I don't care.

LApprentiSorcier · 03/02/2021 13:49

It has been proved that some people have a tendency to gain weight and others don't, even if they overeat. It tends not to be acknowledged because in some ways, it's not very helpful to know that - if you want to be at a healthy weight, you have to stop comparing yourself to others and eat/exercise in a way that suits your own body.

As I said upthread, it's frustrating if you have a thin partner, who doesn't exercise, and have to watch him eating junk food whenever he feels like it, whereas you are a person who will gain weight with even a small overeat, but being frustrated doesn't help.

Where it would be useful for this to be acknowledged is in the realm of judgment. That obese person you're sneering at might be having takeaways every week and sitting at home eating chocolate and crisps all day - but they are equally likely just to have had one slice of toast too many, or an extra roast potato with Sunday lunch, or a meal out on their anniversary, and because they don't have the sort of body that compensates for that, over time their tiny overeat adds up to a 1lb a month weight gain, which after a few years will be stones and tip them into obesity.

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