Mixed weight relationship

[Nonimai]

Until last night, I had never heard the term “ mixed weight relationship” and would have still have been unaware had the Mail online not published a very peculiar article about a larger lady in a mixed weight relationship with a slim man ( like that’s news!). I then started to Google and realised that although the phrase Mixed Weight Relationship is seen by many as fat-shaming and mysogenistic (people don’t seem to dislike it as much if a man has a higher BMI than his partner) - it is actually a researched thing that apparently people generally view a relationship with a larger woman/ thinner man as lesser somehow.
I am a larger (size 22) plain looking short woman in my 50s, happily married to a completely in love with me, tall, slim good looking man who has a good job. He was considered a catch by both me and my friends tbh. However today looking at my life and friendships through the lens of “ mixed weight relationships and peoples apparent prejudice towards them” I have started to think on comments said to me by friends over the last 9 years since I got engaged and then married. I don’t want to suggest this is a common occurrence or that I have been in anyway upset - just puzzled and a bit peed off at the time, I suppose.
One friend repeatedly suggests that I lose weight, groom myself more or he will play away. I have been asked directly if he is a feeder. Another friend suggested we had a private small wedding because we didn’t look right together. No she didn’t get invited! - and speaking to my husband he says that business colleagues have commented on him liking larger women. He just thought they were shallow.
To me, the whole thing is horribly shallow and derogatory - do you agree? Or please be honest , do you make assumptions when you see couples where there is substantial physical difference? What do you think of the term “ mixed weight relationship?”.

It works both ways my DP is a big man I'm small and slim people offer unwanted advice say things without thinking.

She must eat a lot more than the other members of the household and I suppose I've wondered about that and whether they eat the same dinner but then she snacks and the others don't, or whatever.

It’s more likely he eats more/the same as her but doesn’t put on weight as easily. Most households usually have a similar diet/lifestyle so she may have started eating larger portions because he does but her body doesn’t let her get away with it.

People will always look at a couple together, whether one is far the other thin, one is tall the other petite, one is a stunner the other not so.. think it’s born out of curiosity

Sometimes I think the man has issues and wants someone other men are not attracted to if the woman is the fat one or if the man is the fat one then I think maybe he has good money

@Sweet666 you don't think any fat women can be attractive? What kind of size would you think that from? And for the guys too?

@howsoonisnow85

I haven't heard the term before & hadn't really considered the concept before reading your post but I think there is some truth in it unfortunately. I think its sort of human nature to couple up with someone who 'matches' you, whether thats in attractiveness, weight, intelligence etc. Also, is there just something about being similar enough to spend time together- i.e., both like exercising together so therefore slim, or both like getting takeaways & watching boxsets (me & my DH 😂)

What tosh

@DishedUp

The only thing I sometimes wonder is when you see big men -not just overweight but tall, with very petite women what their dinners are like? There must be such a calorie discrepancy? Does she sit there eating 1 sausage while he has 4? But its not a judgement, just a pondering.

Lol. What are their dinners like

Just like you said! Is it difficult to believe? My DH has at least twice the portion sizes of everything as I do. Doesn't particularly affect our mealtimes in any way!

Bit of a double standard isn’t it? I don’t think people remark half as much when it’s the bloke who’s larger.

I'm not sure it's a straight comparison.

Women only tend to go for chubby men when they are financially well endowed, unlike men who tend to go after bigger women because they find this attractive.

I've never seen an example of a slim woman going after a massively morbidly obese men. The 'feeder' is always the man.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, basically a person is attracted to the way another makes them feel about themselves. So long as a couple is happy with themselves and each other sod what anyone else thinks.

Nope. Not buying it. To the extent I'm going to report it.

Up to you if you wish to keep responding but I am not convinced it's in good faith.

If one half of the couple is massively bigger then I might go "huh" (not as a question, but as a sound). But I'd never ever dream of saying anything about it! But that's it, I wouldn't gawp or obsess or indeed, write a whole DM article about it 🤣

@Idontbelieveit12

ButterMeUpScotty must have a very boring sex live there’s this thing you do when you have sex, called opening your legs

Sometimes if people are very fat, opening their legs still doesn’t make enough space for someone else to fit, because their thighs are too big. This isn’t any kind of judgement, it’s simple observation. I assisted a coil fitting which required 2 people to hold the thighs and belly out of the way, while the 3rd person fitted the coil. Without assistance, the patient’s vagina was inaccessible.

like that’s news!

The DM online has always been a magazine site. That's partly why it's insanely popular - people get to disapprove of female celebrities "flaunting their pins" and having disgusting flaws like wrinkles or fillers, and gawp at salacious reports of Z listers talking about what kind of sex they like, then skim the rest of the headlines and tell themselves they are informed about the world.

If you want actual news, try Reuters.

20 years ago I was with a big guy we were together3/4 years , I was petite with long hair ,we were out one new year and a girl we had never meet before come up to us and said " I bet he loves you more then you love him , your lovely he's not !! I was horrified and told her so saying you know nothing about us I adored him and although we,re not together any more , 20 years on we still talk on the phone and can still tell each other anything ..

Women only tend to go for chubby men when they are financially well endowed, unlike men who tend to go after bigger women because they find this attractive.

Nope. In the real world, plenty of people settle because they want companionship, male and female.

Thinking of the obese men I know, they are all coupled up, some with slim women, some with larger women.

Just reading this site, women get eviscerated if they suggest they might not find an online date attractive because of his weight. The other week a woman posted because she felt anxious that her DH was so heavy his weight was being affected. She was told she was disrespectful, and to mind her own business. Women will get more defensive about the weight of "random man" than they will for themselves.

It’s more likely he eats more/the same as her but doesn’t put on weight as easily. Most households usually have a similar diet/lifestyle so she may have started eating larger portions because he does but her body doesn’t let her get away with it.

It's not a case of her 'putting weight on more easily'. If the average woman eats like the average man she will be proportionately fatter as men need more calories and have lower bodyfat/more lean muscle.

It's the kind of thing we might have talked and thought about when we were 15 but as an adult I just assume the couple like each other's personality and find each other attractive.

"Mixed weight relationships" is only a thing to shallow, insecure people who think that their bodies are all that they have to bring to a relationship in the first place. Period. End of story.

Women only tend to go for chubby men when they are financially well endowed, unlike men who tend to go after bigger women because they find this attractive
So all big men with slim women are financially well endowed? No they just have a bigger appetite and can still be a lovely person.
DP is well endowed but not financially.

So all big men with slim women are financially well endowed? No they just have a bigger appetite and can still be a lovely person.

DP is well endowed but not financially.

Actually, I agree that men can be a little portly and still be good looking/have a cracking personality. But certainly being a 'chubby chaser' where you specifically seek out a large partner is always a male thing IME.

Lots of women who date these guys later say they had to leave them for their own good as said male partner would be controlling and get frustrated st their attempts to lose weight. This is distinct IMO from women whose husbands are a little portly, and I believe most of these women wouldn't complain if the husband trimmed up a bit.

A shorter way of explaining my point would be to say that lots of men fetishise fat women, but the same is much less common.

I do sometimes see two people who are definitely both into fitness and wonder if it's narcissism. That is bad of me, and I never 'say' it. Like couples the gym who are gym partners. It's so bad of me..

oh, gosh. I'm not following you!!!!