Mixed weight relationship

[Nonimai]

Until last night, I had never heard the term “ mixed weight relationship” and would have still have been unaware had the Mail online not published a very peculiar article about a larger lady in a mixed weight relationship with a slim man ( like that’s news!). I then started to Google and realised that although the phrase Mixed Weight Relationship is seen by many as fat-shaming and mysogenistic (people don’t seem to dislike it as much if a man has a higher BMI than his partner) - it is actually a researched thing that apparently people generally view a relationship with a larger woman/ thinner man as lesser somehow.
I am a larger (size 22) plain looking short woman in my 50s, happily married to a completely in love with me, tall, slim good looking man who has a good job. He was considered a catch by both me and my friends tbh. However today looking at my life and friendships through the lens of “ mixed weight relationships and peoples apparent prejudice towards them” I have started to think on comments said to me by friends over the last 9 years since I got engaged and then married. I don’t want to suggest this is a common occurrence or that I have been in anyway upset - just puzzled and a bit peed off at the time, I suppose.
One friend repeatedly suggests that I lose weight, groom myself more or he will play away. I have been asked directly if he is a feeder. Another friend suggested we had a private small wedding because we didn’t look right together. No she didn’t get invited! - and speaking to my husband he says that business colleagues have commented on him liking larger women. He just thought they were shallow.
To me, the whole thing is horribly shallow and derogatory - do you agree? Or please be honest , do you make assumptions when you see couples where there is substantial physical difference? What do you think of the term “ mixed weight relationship?”.

My larger sized friend is fun, intelligent, pretty, good hearted and non judgmental.
I’m not surprised her dh loves her.

Interestingly mixed weight has been a thing for at least 60 years judging from seaside postcards.

@NuniaBeeswax Okay, I'll be honest because you've asked. And I'd like to say again - I don't think this now! - but I used to think WTF? Basically. Why is he with her? Kinda thing. I wasn't jealous but it definitely stemmed more from my struggle with my self esteem and weight growing up (being an overweight child and teen and how the media was)

They were mean thoughts.

@SleepingStandingUp op posted this thread specifically asking if people made judgements and said "be honest" .. so people have

I’ve never heard this term before. Some people will say anything to make another feel bad.

[quote Tellto]@SleepingStandingUp op posted this thread specifically asking if people made judgements and said "be honest" .. so people have [/quote]
Where have I said people shouldn't have an opinion? 🤔

Bit of a double standard isn’t it? I don’t think people remark half as much when it’s the bloke who’s larger.

Definitely!

Some people will judge a couple if the man is shorter than the women.
Or if the man is way more attractive than a women.
But that’s just because some people are insecure twats.
I honestly wouldn’t give it a second thought OP. You could look like a model and someone would still have something negative to say.

There's an inherent judgement thou.oh you fancy slim women? Of course you donOh you fancy fat women? You kinky bugger, oh does she squash you? Are you a feeder? OR Ugh mate you need to raise your standards, you deserve better than a fat lass OR well I heard fat girls are grateful and are more likely to suck you off (I've been told that last one)

Wtf? You need to calm down, no one has been as remotely offensive as this other than one poster who got close. And it certainly wasn’t myself.

@SleepingStandingUp you jumped on my comment, questioning my reply / opinion like I should justify it to you ..

Me and my DH are so different it’s like we’re 2 separate people!

Horrific. Judgemental. Misogynistic.

Bear it no heed. Don’t damage your lovely marriage to this lovely man. X

It's true that people would have something negative to say, even if you were a supermodel. People hate beautiful women almost as much as, (maybe more than, in some cases), they hate fat women...it's almost as if some people (the nastiest ones) just don't like women at all 🤔. There is a special place in hell for these people, so best to smile and ignore, if possible.

I don’t think that men care as much about women’s shape/weight as other women do.

OP hasn’t said whether these spiteful friends and colleagues were male or female but I’d bet most were the latter.

Had never heard the term mixed weight relationship, and don't like it at all!

If there's a big difference between a couple in something like weight or height, then I might notice it with my eyes, but I don't really think anything of it. It doesn't make me question their lifestyle compatibility - that thought would never have occurred to me before reading some of the responses in this thread.

I did once see a woman who looked to be in her late 70s, shopping with a man who looked to be in his early 20s. They were clearly a couple as they were holding up sexy lingerie sets to each other to look at and touching each other in a couply way etc. I did have a bit of a reaction to that I must admit. It's not my business, nor my place to judge, but I felt a bit sickened by it. I'm sorry if that's offensive to anyone but it was a reaction I felt inside myself that I couldn't control. I'm not against age gaps on the whole, but she looked like she was his grandmother.

The only thing I sometimes wonder is when you see big men -not just overweight but tall, with very petite women what their dinners are like?
There must be such a calorie discrepancy? Does she sit there eating 1 sausage while he has 4? But its not a judgement, just a pondering.

Actually I'm apparently better looking than the men I like to date. I have never seen it that way and it's always said in a kind of back handed compliment type of way, sometimes with the implications of me being a gold digger (a quick glance at my overdraft should put that one to rest). If I love or am attracted to someone, I love or am attracted to them. Same for anyone. It's nobody's business. The guy I like right now is quite a bit bigger than me actually so I hope to be in a "mixed weight relationship" soon myself.

Honest reply OP. If the man was attractive slim (rather than gawky/weedy slim) with a larger partner I would probably assume they were slim when they met but she'd gained weight. I say this as someone who still hasn't lost their pregnancy weight, so I am this person atm.

But then attraction isn't simple. My dad when he was younger was Hollywood good looking, my mum was pretty average. But he'd had a terrible childhood that left him damaged and my mum is this very stable person who's always held him together.

I've heard it before. I am in a mixed weight marriage with me being much larger than DH. I haven't had much negativity other than people being surprised if managed to "land someone like that". DH on the other hand was a chef until recently and he's had some awful things said about me, a fair few of them while I was with him! About how I must be good in bed, that I was probably filthy, that I'd be grateful for whatever I got. The list goes on.

is it just me that finds people attractive based on who they are rather than how they look? you can be really goodlooking and still not attractive because you are boring as shit/judgemental/unpleasnat for whatever reason.
similarly, not objectively goodlooking but devastatngly attractive because of who you re. two of the most attractive men i have ever met were not good looking but they were so lovely that they were amazingly attractive.

this is why i never understnad threads that say 'my dh/dw has put on weight, i don't fancy them anymore'

surely you fancy the whole package? the personality? the fun? the twinkle in the eye? the years and years of shared love?

I have a colleague who is very very overweight. Morbidly obese really. Her husband is very very slim, as are her children.

I don't lie awake thinking about it or anything, but I have fleetingly wondered about mealtimes in their house. She must eat a lot more than the other members of the household and I suppose I've wondered about that and whether they eat the same dinner but then she snacks and the others don't, or whatever. Not that it's any of my business, clearly.

[quote Tellto]@SleepingStandingUp you jumped on my comment, questioning my reply / opinion like I should justify it to you ..[/quote]
Or like you had an opinion, I connected on your opinion. Like a thread on a discussion forum. You weren't jumped on, you were replied to.

is it just me that finds people attractive based on who they are rather than how they look

For me it’s both, a shit personality but good looking I don’t fancy, a great personality but sith physical attributes that don’t do it for me, I don’t fancy, a man needs to have both the physical attributes I find attractive and the personality. It can’t be one without the other.

I suspect that’s the same for most people.

Never heard that term. My mum has always been substantially larger than my dad, so it's not something I would ever ponder about, to me it's normal and doesn't need a label.

I don’t think that men care as much about women’s shape/weight as other women do.

Absolutely!
Most men I know have dated a range of different sized women.

I also know many men who prefer slimmer women and many who prefer bigger women but not because it fits their appearance it’s just preference which they often don’t stick to anyway.

@Bluntness100 sorry I meant in real life there's an inherent judgement when his like fat women over slim women. Not anyone on here. I'm bemused by the idea DH must have a massive cock to reach me vagina 🤣 esp as we even had sex when I was pregnant with twins