Homeschooling is impossible- end of my tether

[Edenspirits]

Both DH and I have keyworker status - I teach full time at a university so the department of education have given lecturers keyworker status and DH works shifts in a blue light call centre.

But the school have said they have no spaces as they are full.

I broke down today in tears as I am trying to teach live and plan my lessons and DD who is 8 is on her own most of the day and I have no time to school her. She needs my support and isn’t old enough to do it on her own despite trying to set her work. My lectures can be up to 2 hours.

I feel like I am neglecting her as she is mostly watching TV.

aibu to feel like I am going to have a breakdown if this continues for much longer.

@TantieTowie

Anyone available because let's be honest, there are plenty of people sat at home right now.

Assuming OP has a support network of friends and family.

Perhaps a neighbour?

I'm an academic too and one of the benefits of the job is that other than lectures and essential meetings I get to set my own hours. You are presumably not lecturing every day? Or even more than a few days a week? Priorise your lectures and any essential meetings. Do the other stuff as much as possible in the evenings or early morning or weekends. Backburner your research for now (unless you're on a funded grant). Scale back as much as possible (no peer reviewing, no favours, etc).

It absolutely sucks, but lots of people are in the same boat (or worse because they have to be present online for the whole working day).

And absolutely massive LOLs to the person who suggested asking your department for money to pay for childcare! What university has the funds to do that right now? Mine is making cuts left right and centre and my HoD definitely doesn't have any budget to pay for nannies...

She'll be fine. Catching up will be easier as she will be older a d will be able to grasp a lot of it so much more quickly. I was also having to do a 40 hour wfh nursery admin job but started making some minor mistakes whilst also tying to homeschool, was getting abuse from the nursery staff for it and in the end I quit from the stress of it all. My children's schools also refused to take them as They were "full" and because I worked from home, though I was classed as a key worker (booking in hospital nd blue light staff's children etc etc for childcare).

It’s impossible for anyone to work full-time from home AND educate their child.

During the same hours- yes, impossible. But there are lots of other hours in the week and there are two parents. They absolutely can fit in some education of their child.

"I broke down today in tears as I am trying to teach live and plan my lessons and DD who is 8 is on her own most of the day and I have no time to school her. She needs my support and isn’t old enough to do it on her own despite trying to set her work.
I feel like I am neglecting her as she is mostly watching TV.
aibu to feel like I am going to have a breakdown if this continues for much longer.
The school aren’t doing any live lessons- it’s all pdfs with some links to bitesize etc which is fine IF I could sit with her but i can’t - I feel so bloody useless and like I am failing her"

OP please don't feel bad - many parents are in the same/similar boat, we are all exhausted, working all hours, missing work deadlines, not able to properly homeschool, letting our kids have far more screentime than we'd like, and feeling like we're failing at work and failing our children.

I don't really think there is an answer or solution to this situation - fitting in full-time jobs, 24/7 childcare, homeschooling, household chores and a bit of sleep just doesn't add up. We just have to get through it as best we can, and not beat ourselves up for not meeting impossible standards.

I'm pretty unimpressed by your school's attitude, tbh. TELL them that just because you are home doesn't mean you are free to homeschool. Our DC's school is providing exactly the same materials as yours, which is VERY inadequate in my mind, and puts 100% of the teaching responsibility on the parents.

To try to work and homeschool, DC's dad and I split our work hours in shifts spanning from 5am to 1-2am, and work both days at the weekend. The house is a tip because we barely have time for the basics, let alone anything else. We are exhausted; I am missing work deadlines, putting my job at risk; and I certainly do not feel that DC is getting an adequate education.

Please don't be hard on yourself OP, all you can do is your best, it is a terrible situation. Unmumsnetty hugs x

These are exceptional times and you need to look after your MH. If dd has to sit in front of the TV so be it.

My ds doesn't wake up as normal at 7 this morning and I couldn't rouse him. I thought stuff it and while he was in bed it's the first time I could properly hover and clean under the dining table.

Something has to give sometimes. No one can juggle it all. It's too much and I'm increasingly wondering why I'm.getting so stressed over it all.

Please don’t throw your weight around with the school/governors. They’re in a horribly difficult position. The school closest to me is right next to a hospital, its full of priority keyworker children. The school I work at is in a different area and we’ve been able to bring in struggling pupils. Everyone is doing their best. This I imagine is why the government made the key workers guidance exactly that, guidelines not statutory so different schools can work with their pupil demographic and staffing levels.

I’ve virtually given up on homeschooling. We are just ‘homing’. I have an 8yo and a 6yo. We do bits here and there but trying to keep up with it as well as work and do all the house stuff that’s involved with 3 of us not leaving the house was too much. The school have been very understanding thankfully, I just have to hope they will catch up. Less then two weeks until half term. We can do it.

You aren't the only one @Edenspirits

DH and I are both NHS consultants -cat 1 keyworkers. We have 3 children 2, 6, and 9.

Our 6 year old has special needs which can't be met in the keyworker provision. So 2 year old at nursery and 6 and 9 year old at home (our 9 year old is keeping 6 year old company, playing games with him etc -I don't think we'd manage if he went in for his keyworker place).

I cannot be a doctor, a parent and a teacher. We are doing minimum education. I have a look a the stuff the school sends that requires lots of supervision and find similar alternatives that don't.

For my 6 year old that means I check what the phoneme is in the school work e.g. ow, wh etc...and find and print activities from twinkl that work better than things that need my constant supervision.

But we definitely aren't doing school work every day. I have one day that I make a big effort with it. DH has one day he takes it on. The rest of the time we just do what we can to get by -whatever keeps everyone happy, relaxed, fed and clean.

If her lessons aren't live, then let her watch TV while you are lecturing and do her schoolwork later -- maybe at night.
Select some educational shows (or tape some) and let her watch those. Have her write a "report" - 3 or 4 sentences - about the program she saw. Keep a folder of her writings.

Set your own curriculum. Math on Monday, science on Tuesday, etc. As long as it is age/grade level appropriate do not worry about what the school is doing. Remember, NOBODY is doing perfect schooling from home!!
Set her a spelling list of words from the TV programs.
Save Friday for spelling test and real life day. Let her help you do laundry by reading the instructions or do a recipe by reading and doing, supervised by you.
The school can tell you that your child has to be homeschooled but it is up to you how you do it. Use the TV to your advantage.
I don't know what programs you have available, but my kids liked :
Diego - for the animals
Where In The World Is Carmen Sandiego? - for geography
Wild Kratts - for both animals and geography
and I know there are others because some of the best children's shows came from the UK.
Planning ahead and you can do it!!!

You're a key worker in the same way their own teachers are.

This.

Don’t try and plan lessons in the day when your DD is around. Do that non time-specific work when she is in bed. That’ll free up time in the day to help with the school work.

That’s how I’m doing it.

At the end of the day, you can only do what you can.

If you tried - its good enough.
There is comfort in knowing you aren't alone.

@TheOrigRights Ice cube painting! See that's ridiculous. Fine if you want to do it, but next time just don't do this kind of stuff.

I would also tell the school you can't access Android apps and ask them for an alternative, otherwise you will find your own substitute.

If children are not in school, the school can't expect everyone to homeschool to the same level or in the same way. Every family should work out what's best for them.

Can’t you rework both of your days? Obviously your lectures and office hours are set, but can some of your work be done evenings and weekends?

If OP is a lecturer I can guarantee she's already working evenings and some time over the weekends. Online delivery is very complex to prepare; it needs to be very organised and that's even if you're not delivering almost an entirely new curriculum, which I am. Then there's the countless email traffic from understandably anxious students, plus the unrelenting admin demands from employers who are completely unwilling to take account of the fact that we are in a highly unusual set of circumstances in which people are already breaking their backs to adjust to wholly new systems and ways of working.

Scrub 'work evenings and weekends' (a response given by my employer to childcare/education concerns) - many of us already are.

@whiteflores

I'm increasingly feeling like it's time for women (and yes, it seems that the burden falls on us) to to say no. No, I'm not home schooling as well as my job and all my other caring responsibilities. It isn't working.

Either kids are at school or it's paid parental leave.

Enough.

I agree with this.

You are allowed paid childcare and childcare bubbles. If school really say no (I would try again and stress your childs mental health)

Can you create a bubble with her and another family for childcare.

Or can you pay a teenager /babysitter to sit and spend a few hours with her each day.

Please please don't worry about this as education it's an emergency crisis the only important thing here is wellbeing.

While the school cld do more isn't it also true that your employer is asking too much of you? If you have been refused a school place then your employer has a duty to release you if obligations at work. Easier said than don't I know but is the course you are teaching urgent?

As a society I think employers are not doing their part. Students and universiti need to step up and help staff who have children at home

If it's not live and your DH works shifts, why can't he oversee the schoolwork when he's at home?
There's no need to stress about it. It's not as though your DD has exams. She can do the work she's comfortable with, on her own and then complete the rest with supervision from your DH when he's not working.
FWIW lots of teachers and parents are in the same position trying to fit schooling round work and studying, etc, so the school will be aware of the difficulties and will have adjusted their expectations accordingly.

But there are lots of other hours in the week and there are two parents. They absolutely can fit in some education of their child.

Please don’t speak for other people like this. You know nothing about them.

@dreamingbohemian oh yes I could technically refuse but school are also basing school reports on how the dc participates in homeschooling and even worse imo, are telling all the dc who do participate in these activities with their smug sahm that they get extra gold stars etc for doing it in front of the other dc so I suppose I could tell my dc no way and let them be even more down than they already are as an only dc stuck alone at home but I'm talking 5 minutes of a teacher showing the class pictures of various cakes made and making a massive fuss over Tarquin who's made the Empire State Building into a cake.

So when we made our super shit rock cakes it still was a lot less than the other dc but it is what it is.

Anyway regardless I don't think it's impossible to homeschool with two ft parents but my god do I hope this is over soon. As I said I do 7-9am and so far dc has not fallen behind from what I can tell.

@greytiledflooring Fucking hell, that's really awful of the school to be doing that. I can totally see why you would try to do them in that case.

I know it's probably not worth the hassle if it's only a few more weeks but I'd be tempted to complain to the school about that, it's not right at all.

Our school have told us to just do what we can but if we can at least do the maths every day, that's ideal.

I would absolutely second the earlier suggestion of getting her to do the work together with a friend over a zoom call. Really helped my DD.

It’s impossible for anyone to work full-time from home AND educate their child. That’s why we have schools.

And

Please don’t speak for other people like this. You know nothing about them.

I’m sorry you are having a tough time but it is possible-not fun and difficult yes but is possible. Currently doing exactly that myself.
It’s not ideal no and is hard but juggling all this is what many many families are indeed doing right now.
and to everyone having to do this and struggling.

Please don’t speak for other people like this. You know nothing about them.

Oh shush! They absolutely do have time when they aren’t working! OP had time to post here for starters!