Homeschooling is impossible- end of my tether

[Edenspirits]

Both DH and I have keyworker status - I teach full time at a university so the department of education have given lecturers keyworker status and DH works shifts in a blue light call centre.

But the school have said they have no spaces as they are full.

I broke down today in tears as I am trying to teach live and plan my lessons and DD who is 8 is on her own most of the day and I have no time to school her. She needs my support and isn’t old enough to do it on her own despite trying to set her work. My lectures can be up to 2 hours.

I feel like I am neglecting her as she is mostly watching TV.

aibu to feel like I am going to have a breakdown if this continues for much longer.

I emailed the primary school on 4th Jan. said we both wfh ft (only one key worker), so amenable to keeping 10yo child at home, but unable to undertake homeschooling. Unfortunately not possible. Not happening.

My 10 yo is luckily savvy with IT and can sort out editing PDF’s and submitting them himself. I tell him to only do maths and English, anything else only if he wants to. School get what he can do and don’t get anything else. No stress and we all finish at 5.30pm. I haven’t even looked at what the school have set for art, pe and all the nice-to-haves.

My view is that Boris said stay home. Well we ain’t gonna manage that if we don’t pay the mortgage and are homeless. Therefore we need to earn money to pay said mortgage. School aren’t offering to pay that so we can teach, so 🤷🏼‍♀️

And I haven’t baked a rock cake since I was about 10....

Disengage, if what the school are doing is making your child feel bad. If they complain tell them your child is becoming emotionally unwell seemingly as a direct result of your choice of career, so you will be not engaging in this process of harming her further. She will be even more disadvantaged if she loses the roof over her head. If they have an issue they can offer some school time.

ChloeDecker

Okay, but logically, it is, isn’t it? Without significantly cutting into either their available work time, their child’s education, or the time they have for family and managing their household.

And for some it won’t be possible. I know I couldn’t have done it with my child and my old job (luckily not having to work in that sort of job anymore) without a significant impact on my mental health. I don’t think people should be persisting in telling people who are clearly struggling that they just need to “do better”. It’s unproductive and cruel.

Oh shush! They absolutely do have time when they aren’t working! OP had time to post here for starters!

This is a grotesque attitude.

Well off the back of this thread I’ve emailed the school.

Long and short of it: Very concerned for autistic dd’s mental health, breakdowns daily and struggling with being tied to a screen all day, especially as the teacher (acknowledged it’s not her fault) is spending the majority of the time teaching the class that is in and so is off screen.

We are now going dc led. Dd loves reading (just discovered the joy that is Harry Potter) craft projects and fact files and will now be able to do these at will. We will do some maths everyday.

Anything else, including looking on just to sit there for attendance purposes, can swivel. Happy to send her in if school had any problems with this.

Not sure how they will react but the mood has already lightened in this house. Ds is happily reading and I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off (and that I may actually make a work deadline now!)

Anything else, including looking on just to sit there for attendance purposes, can swivel. Happy to send her in if school had any problems with this.

Good stuff!

This is a grotesque attitude.

Look I realise this has hit a nerve with you and you’re feeling defensive but stop being silly. Nothing is “grotesque” about saying two full time workers have some time in their week to spend educating their child. They don’t both work 7 full days every week.

@AStudyinPink

ChloeDecker

Okay, but logically, it is, isn’t it? Without significantly cutting into either their available work time, their child’s education, or the time they have for family and managing their household.

And for some it won’t be possible. I know I couldn’t have done it with my child and my old job (luckily not having to work in that sort of job anymore) without a significant impact on my mental health. I don’t think people should be persisting in telling people who are clearly struggling that they just need to “do better”. It’s unproductive and cruel.

‘Do Better’ no but ‘Work Smarter not Harder’ maybe. There isn’t exactly much we can do recreation wise anyway at the weekend so catching up on home learning then does make sense, rather than busting a gut trying to get it done at the same time as working.

@BuffetShark

Well off the back of this thread I’ve emailed the school.

Long and short of it: Very concerned for autistic dd’s mental health, breakdowns daily and struggling with being tied to a screen all day, especially as the teacher (acknowledged it’s not her fault) is spending the majority of the time teaching the class that is in and so is off screen.

We are now going dc led. Dd loves reading (just discovered the joy that is Harry Potter) craft projects and fact files and will now be able to do these at will. We will do some maths everyday.

Anything else, including looking on just to sit there for attendance purposes, can swivel. Happy to send her in if school had any problems with this.

Not sure how they will react but the mood has already lightened in this house. Ds is happily reading and I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off (and that I may actually make a work deadline now!)

I would say this is absolutely the right thing to do. The whole expectation is completely ridiculous. I think when we are able to step away from being so bogged down in it, we will wonder how we ever thought it was realistically achievable.

I also think this will increasingly happen, and by mid March there will be far fewer kids logging into zoom registrations.

Contact the school and then the council if the school are not able to offer her a place. Your DD should be in school. You are exactly who the school places are there for. You can't be expected to try and homeschool a tired 8 year old at 6pm when you finish work etc.

Hi OP. I think the BBC have put lessons on iPlayer. Maybe put some of this on for her. Not ideal but maybe more interactive and interesting than pdfs.

• Look I realise this has hit a nerve with you and you’re feeling defensive but stop being silly.

No, you don’t “realise” it, you’re making it up. Nothing to be defensive about here. I have a completely flexible career and choose my own hours. My child has a nursery place. So erm.. yeah!

by mid March there will be far fewer kids logging into zoom registrations.

By mid March the government will be trying to get the kids back to school. Especially primary.

Do Better’ no but ‘Work Smarter not Harder’ maybe

Again, grim. When people are really struggling they don’t need these smug platitudes.

My sons live lessons are really short and hardly anyone turns up to them. I totally hear ya! End of my tether too. I work evenings and just feel like I'm doing a terrible job at homeschooling because I'm too tired! My kids are lonely and missing their mates. It's tough to muster up much Mary Poppins during the day!!

No, you don’t “realise” it, you’re making it up. Nothing to be defensive about here. I have a completely flexible career and choose my own hours. My child has a nursery place. So erm.. yeah!

Right, well then just “stop being silly” applies then

Right, well then just “stop being silly” applies then grin

Read the OP. I’m not being silly. This is someone who is barely coping, like millions of other people. You are minimising in a rather unpleasant way.

You are being extremely silly referring to suggestions that OP and her husband educate their child when they aren’t working as “grotesque”.

willFOURbagsbeenough

It is grotesque to dismiss what someone is saying when they’re begging for advice because they’re at the end of their tether. Nothing silly about my pointing that out.

@BuffetShark

Well off the back of this thread I’ve emailed the school.

Long and short of it: Very concerned for autistic dd’s mental health, breakdowns daily and struggling with being tied to a screen all day, especially as the teacher (acknowledged it’s not her fault) is spending the majority of the time teaching the class that is in and so is off screen.

We are now going dc led. Dd loves reading (just discovered the joy that is Harry Potter) craft projects and fact files and will now be able to do these at will. We will do some maths everyday.

Anything else, including looking on just to sit there for attendance purposes, can swivel. Happy to send her in if school had any problems with this.

Not sure how they will react but the mood has already lightened in this house. Ds is happily reading and I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off (and that I may actually make a work deadline now!)

Well done! How wonderful you're all feeling better already : )

The school I’m a governor at is only able to offer kw spaces where both parents are working away from the home as they don’t have enough teachers and TA’s available due to staff off ill with Covid.

@AStudyinPink

willFOURbagsbeenough

It is grotesque to dismiss what someone is saying when they’re begging for advice because they’re at the end of their tether. Nothing silly about my pointing that out.

Nobody dismissed the OP. People have been giving suggestions. None of which qualify as grotesque.

First of all I would contact your uni department and see if they can help with costs of childcare. A childminder to oversee stuff would help. Otherwise perhaps they could provide an affidavit that you are teaching FT from home and thus cannot school your child. You must go back to your school and insist, they sound slack on all fronts.

Secondly, I would rationalise that at 8 she’s not actually missing that much. And anything can be made up. I went to an absurd prep school aged 5-9 in which we had no formal lessons and did absolutely fuck all. I caught it all up in a year aged 10 and went on to get straight As and went to Cambridge. It’s not the disaster it feels like it is now.

If she has any interests - history, geography, literature, natural world etc - let her read as much as she likes on any of them.

@Soontobe60

Teacher here. Schools are now becoming accountable for the work the children produce, both at home and in school. I appreciate that they may well be full already, so sending her in would put everyone at more risk. Email them back and notify them that she will complete as much learning as can be done bearing in mind that you are working full time. Have a look at the Oak Academy lessons - Ive used a few and the children dont really need someone with them whilst they watch them. Don’t get too stressed out about it, you're doing your best!

But they do need someone to help them access the right recording, and to then make sure they pay attention / don't start playing minecraft / wander off and set the kitchen on fire.

it is impossible, and 14 hour days are not sustainable for working parents.

willFOURbagsbeenough

Says you. I say different. And I’m not wasting more time arguing with you.

Well it would just as silly as your previous posts so there’d be no point.