To ask for a pat on the back RE weight loss - sad about DH's reaction

[FluffyBlueJumper]

Since mid-October I have lost a lot of weight (over 4 stone). I have gone from a size 18 to an 8-10.
DH has not said a thing, so yesterday I playfully asked him to feel my back, because all the padding has gone.
The only thing he said was "Ew, your skin has changed, it is like old lady's skin". (FYI I am 39 and there is no loose skin hanging off my body).

I am feeling crushed. It has made me realise that I cannot even remember the last time he complimented me. It is always little digs, little put downs.

Can you please tell me I have done great?

OP, standing ovation for you!

You have done really, really well, a huge achievement, and you look sensational.

You also looked gorgeous when heavier, but I know that feeling when you feel like 'you', and you feel fitter, and better in your own skin.

I hope you enjoy that feeling up upbeat confidence - you deserve it.

Enjoy it for its own sake, your H has lost his relevance in his nasty approach. No one needs to be put down, over weight or anything else.

Is there anything you feel he values for? Beyond giving birth to his offspring? Are there any ways he shows appreciation for who you are and what you do?

Congratulations @FluffyBlueJumper you look amazing!

How hard was it to loose thigh weight?? That’s my struggle

Just wanted to say well done, honestly it’s soooo hard to lose weight like that! You look amazing, enjoy your body & feel great at your achievement!

That's an amazing achievement, really well done!! You should be so proud of yourself, it doesn't matter what anyone else says (he sounds dreadful by the way). I need to lose a similar amount so you so you are my inspiration now!

Oh my gosh, you look incredible OP!

That is no small feat!! I'm in the process of losing about 40lbs myself. I've only lost 7lbs so far but I gave birth to my 2nd 7 months ago so, I'm taking it easy.

It takes enormous dedication and will power so well done!!

I will say, in my experience, men who do that, who don't compliment obvious amazing achievements, who actually deliberately drag you down do so because they are worried they will lose you.

I dont mean that in an endearing way. Its a control issue. Your success makes them feel insecure... which for me is the classic sign of a dickhead.

A real partner, who loves you, celebrates you achievements with you and lifts you up. They don't drag you down.

@SameToo it came away last, in the past few weeks, after my upper body got really skinny.
Strength training helped, not to lose the fat, but to give them a nicer shape and a firmer feeling.

I think he's worried about loosing you since he can feel that he isn't good enough - or more likely he believes you THINK you are too good for him and he thinks that is wrong, you are not too good for him, he wants to believe that you cannot do better than him.
And he is right - you are too good for him. Any DP who mourns their DP's achievement is no comrade or ally but someone who is about to see the writing on the wall. However, it is possible he doesn't know what he is doing - tell him how you feel and see his reaction before you plan what to do next.

OP you look amazing and must be feeling so much better. Physically. But sounds like your not-so-D husband is doing everything to put you down and make you feel worthless and unattractive. Sounds like the things you mentioned here are just a tip of the iceberg?

Well done OP. You have done an amazing thing. I'm sorry you have an unsupportive DH.

@FluffyBlueJumper you look beautiful, and I'm glad you're getting angry about how H treats you.

May I ask how many calories you're eating per day on low calorie keto?

Well done. That is a phenomenal achievement. I really admire your iron will. I just don't have that. I hope that you feel proud of yourself. I lost only one of three stone to lose last year and feel so much better and more confident and comfortable already. Can't imagine how great it must be to be size 8 from 18!

Wow well done you look amazing. I lost weight in the same way and kept up the intermittent fasting to maintain it.

@Cadent I stayed around 800kcal/day during the weight phase.

That's fucking awesome. Well done you! Shorts and straps for summer.

Share the secret...

Your husband should be your biggest supporter, tell you you look beautiful and sexy. I agree it is about control. He is not a nice man. You are not a princess for looking for a Xmas present and some appreciation. You're beautiful and you'd find someone much nicer pretty quickly. Don't see out your prime years with this bully. Massive well done! You really do look amazing.

You’ve done frogging amazing ! I had a bit of this on Saturday as I’d lost 9.5 lbs in a week in diet and didn’t get any acknowledgement or well done - they’re just jealous children who probably think you’ll run off with someone more deserving !

Oh OP, congratulations! You really look amazing. To have kept keto/low carb up and maintain is excellent work.

I did Keto last year (for endo but lost weight too as a bonus) most of it has come back on because I stopped due to medication but I need to re start just for my pain really - what strength training did you do? I walk a lot but need something extra. You are really impressive!

@mrsbyers and OP - they are right though you should run off with someone more deserving. You both deserve better!

Absolutely amazing achievement. Your husband is being a complete knob. Have you told him this?

@HighlightedTrees I have got Powerblock dumbbells and a few kettlebells at home. I use www.fitnessblender.com - I like the white background and the absence of music!

You look gorgeous op, and to be honest mid 20s! I am just in awe of your willpower.

I think realising your partner doesn’t actually like you should be a turning point for you. Everyone deserves to be in a relationship with someone who actually liked them, and it sounds like a friendly check out person at the shop might be nicer to you on a daily basis than your partner.

Congratulations OP on getting down to a healthy weight!

However, your new diet is concerning. Not having any carbs at christmas, only eating 800cal a day - especially if you are weight training and exercising regularly is not healthy. It is very easy to exchange one type of disordered eating for another.

[quote Butchyrestingface]**@reprehensibleme when I try to talk to him about me feelings, he waves his hands around saying "look at me, look at me! I'm a pwincess", then goes on a rant about spoilt, whiny "Western women"

Is he from deepest, darkest ** himself? . He sounds like an unpleasant misogynist.

Hope you’re saving the money that would have gone on his Christmas present for a lawyer.[/quote]
@Butchyrestingface OP's husband is definitely unpleasant but your post smacks of xenophobia.
Please remember that some of us are either first or second generation immigrants.

Well done, that’s really impressive!

@Butchyrestingface OP's husband is definitely unpleasant but your post smacks of xenophobia.
Please remember that some of us are either first or second generation immigrants.

It wasn't intended to be a comment on anyone from any other country. (you have no idea of my own migrant status).

I was curious to know where he was from because it would strike me as a doubly weird statement to make if he was himself a Westerner.