To ask for a pat on the back RE weight loss - sad about DH's reaction

[FluffyBlueJumper]

Since mid-October I have lost a lot of weight (over 4 stone). I have gone from a size 18 to an 8-10.
DH has not said a thing, so yesterday I playfully asked him to feel my back, because all the padding has gone.
The only thing he said was "Ew, your skin has changed, it is like old lady's skin". (FYI I am 39 and there is no loose skin hanging off my body).

I am feeling crushed. It has made me realise that I cannot even remember the last time he complimented me. It is always little digs, little put downs.

Can you please tell me I have done great?

You are so beautiful in both pictures, Op. However, your husband sounds like an abusive negging prick. I would leave him as you don't want your baby to grow up thinking it's ok not to buy the woman you love any Christmas presents. I'd leave him just for the whining princess comment. You and your child are worth so much more than this inadequate wanker.

just seen your pics you look fab although i'm annoyed by your lack of double chin at your heaviest!
I need to lose about 2 stone but half of it is on my face!

You are amazing!!!
I’m trying to lose 2stone and it is HARD...

You deserve lots of praise and love for your efforts.

Your DH is an arse, please ignore him and never rely on him for any positive.

Remember you did it on your own and your amazing

The more you post, the worse he sounds.

Dump him OP, you’ll easily lose another fourteen wasted stone. He sounds a tosser and you deserve far better.

Do you have kids with this ejit? If so is this how you want your daughters to grow up thinking it’s acceptable to be belittled to show any motion or do you want your sons to think this is an acceptable way to treat women?

You look fantastic, and I think the way you lost that weight is incredible!
It shouldnt need saying but asking your husband to treat you with a shred of kindness is not being a Princess. In fact if you need to ask there are already problems. The "Western" bit is a red-herring. If you were from somewhere else he would say you were acting like you were "from the village" or something. Just as when you were overweight he criticised you for that, but now that you hae lost weight he is being a shit about your skin. Basically he is looking for things to make you feel bad. Expect the comments about him liking slim women to be replaced with comments about him liking women with

Dickhead. (not you)

I think you look amazing. You should be so proud of yourself. You need to spend some time thinking about your marriage as he sounds abusive

Wow op you have done fantastic and you look bloody amazing.

What an inspiration
Be very proud of yourself op

@wonble I have never carried much weight on my face (even though I promise it does look very different - I have CHEEKBONES now!), but have you seen the size of my thighs on the before picture?

Amazing amazing amazing! Well done you! Sounds like he’s just bitter and jealous!

Bloody well done woman.

I couldn't imagine not being supportive of my spouse getting fit and healthy. How is that ever something to deride?!

Amazing op! Would only recommend you lose x amount of further stones, insert whatever amount your 'D'H weighs...

Well done!

This thread has made me really sad.

As sometime who just a decent chunk of weight a few years back (nothing like your amount OP, that's amazing!) I couldn't have done it without the support of my OH.

Would he have this reaction if you'd achieved anything or if it just weight loss do you think? If you'd come home with a promotion/passed an exam/ran a marathon, would he be celebrating for you? Would he be proud of you?

It sounds like he's not on your team

Does he even like you?

He knows you look amazing. He thinks he has you under his control, and you losing the weight has loosened the control in his head. Which after what you have added sounds like it should do. Don't try and solicit any more compliments or refer to your weight to him. Take back the power. If he says something uncomplimentary (or even if he gives you a compliment which he might do if he thinks he has lost control) just say thanks for the feedback in a neutral tone and change the subject. You lost the weight with massive amount of willpower, you've got this, you don't need his views. You look amazing btw.

You have done amazingly well - blooming brilliant!

Massive pat on the back

Sounds like 'D'H is just going to put to you down no matter what you do. You sadly have some serious thinking to do. Good luck.

@Sinful8, the OP hasn't got loose skin, that was her point, he's looking for a put down. How your skin reacts is genetic. Not everyone with big loses has skin issues.

Your weight loss is brilliant and I'm totally envious, I have weight to lose and have lost my willpower and motivation instead. Well done, must have been really hard work and you should be proud of yourself.
Ignore DH's comments, tell him how well you've done and you are a much healthier self.

You should feel very proud, that's quite a feat to lose so much, especially at the moment. Ignore him, he sounds like a pain in the arse

@Bellofbelfastcity

How did you lose 4 stone in less than 4 months?

Are you OP's husband?

OP, you're a beautiful woman. Always have been! But what iron will to achieve what you have. Amazing. Don't let him diminish this, he sounds nasty actually. Are you happy with him?

@FluffyBlueJumper

I have a different take on this OP
As someone who also lost a large amount of weight I was surprised how many people’s reactions weren’t positive. People I fully expected to be pleased for me. People I got on with really well and had shared my unhappiness at being overweight with. It was so weird.

Instead of praise or compliments these people met my success with vague disdain and resentment. Some made negative comments and others just totally ignored it.

I really cared at first and was disappointed but then I realised that these people found it generally hard to be happy for people. Someone won money, was going on a nice holiday or bought a new car? These people were the ‘grunt and move on’ types. Other people’s success made them feel a mixture of envious and insecure, and never more so than when it was achieved by determination and motivation. It’s very easy to complain about wanting to lose weight but it’s very hard to actually do it. That type of assertive action makes ‘non doers’ feel bad about themselves.

Well done OP.

New body, new man?

You deserve better.

I am so happy for you, you have done so incredibly well!