Close family member has ‘moved in’ to my rented room without asking - AIBU to be annoyed?

[Frustratedflatmate]

A very close family member and I both live as lodgers in the same house (we each have separate bedrooms, and our live-in landlord has her own bedroom).

Between lockdowns last year, I moved back to live with my parents. However, I’m still paying rent for my room at the LL’s house, and intend to move back to the LL’s house as soon as I can after this lockdown.

A couple of days ago, close family member informed me he had now moved into my room and was living there as it was a ‘change of scenery’ (he’s unofficially moved in - it’s not a permanent arrangement or anything).

This has really annoyed me, as I see it as an invasion of my private space, so I think it’s really unfair that he’s done it without even asking me first.

Both the close family member and I pay a lot as lodgers and each of us have lovely rooms. We are also very lucky that the LL’s house is spacious, so the LL has lots of living space, as do we.

I asked close family member to move out of my room but obviously I’m not going to know if he has or not whilst I’m not there.

At a bit of a loss about what to do. AIBU and any ideas about how I should approach this please?

Fucks sake. Call the landlord.
Can’t stand the hand wringing, victim mentality.

FFS speak to your landlord. They live there (you said they live in) so they are the ones who can enforce this.

I cannot believe you would not contact her. Why does this have to be such a difficult situation. Landlord says please only stay in the one room, not the other lodger's room. Really very simple.

yabu. The reason...in the title you state Aibu for being annoyed, but then you don’t sound annoyed.
It doesn't matter who it is! They have no right to be in your room.
You still want to pay rent because the place is lovely blah blah. Your family know you better than people on here and they likely know you won’t cause a fuss so they basically do whatever they like. You should be annoyed!

I don’t understand. Close family member is sleeping in your room instead of his own perfectly good room in the same house? Why?

I would just ask landlord if you can add a lock to the door so that its only you using the room. Go over and do it one day, wait until they leave if you have to.

You wouldn’t be unreasonable to hell him to get the fuck out of your room, and go round there to make sure.

As others have said, you have to assert yourself.

As an aside, it’s annoying when people don’t say what the relationship is eg brother, cousin, uncle etc. It gives an idea of what the dynamic might be and how you might best handle them to know.

Dear LL, please could you install a lock on my bedroom door as your other lodger keeps going to my room and into my bed. EEW

I had a quick Google and lodgers can have a lock as long as the LL has a key also so that sounds wise.

@Frustratedflatmate

I really would prefer not to get LL involved at all as she’s lovely, we’re living in her house and this shouldn’t be made to be her problem.

You should still have a lock on the door

@Witchend

"That's great, I'll let the landlord know that you'll be paying for both rooms while I'm not there."

THIS!!

@Clymene

And tell her you're putting a lock on the door.

You can’t do that as a lodger, and also from a landlord’s perspective could potentially make life difficult if their lodge refuses to move out.

Why aren’t you living there now

Buy two things. A lock and a camera. Fit the lock, set up the camera and job done.

I would tell them to get the fuck out immediately, and then ask LL if you can fit a lock.

Just move back

So, you haven't actually visited your room since he moved in? You are living with parents, right?

I absolutely BET that this is your cousin and you both pay a pittance to stay with his parents, your Aunt and Uncle.

Hence why you can't do anything about it.

Thanks to everyone who has posted.

I find it really hard to be assertive with close family member. Any advice please?

Family member and I found a place on Rightmove, and moved in, and both of us each pay a lot to stay there. LL is unrelated to us and was a stranger to us before we moved in.

Ask your mum to tell him off.

The only way I see this stopping is if you go to your LL and ask for a lock, citing your family member's encroachment on your space each time you leave. She'll do something about it if she's as lovely as you say.

I find it really hard to be assertive with close family member. Any advice please?

We've already been giving you all the advice you need.

You have a voice, so use it and say whatever it is you need to. Stop allowing anyone to piss all over your boundaries, and most of all, pull up your big girl pants, get back to your room, and tell this relative directly to his face to fuck off. Stay where you pay rent and demand a lock. Good grief, it's time to take charge.

Unless you don't want to get this family member in trouble by mentioning it. In which case, not sure what else you can do. Just talking to him won't help.

You need a wifi camera / ring doorbell type thing

The home owner might be pissed off that you've let someone move into your room without asking her. You need to talk to her.

@Aquamarine1029

Move back to your rented room and tell this family member to fuck off. I would also be telling the landlady that you are going to be putting a lock on your door. It's ridiculous you don't have a lock already.

I agree with this - how DARE he!

I would hate the thought of someone else in my private space, and sleeping in my bed.

Your bed and your room will smell of him when you go back, and if he's an untidy person he will muck up your things.

It's your private space and he has no right - I'm surprised your LL has let him - unless she thinks you don't mind.

Chuck him out of it - and get a lock on (as long as your LL is okay with this - it's her house and she may not want internal locks).