Close family member has ‘moved in’ to my rented room without asking - AIBU to be annoyed?

[Frustratedflatmate]

A very close family member and I both live as lodgers in the same house (we each have separate bedrooms, and our live-in landlord has her own bedroom).

Between lockdowns last year, I moved back to live with my parents. However, I’m still paying rent for my room at the LL’s house, and intend to move back to the LL’s house as soon as I can after this lockdown.

A couple of days ago, close family member informed me he had now moved into my room and was living there as it was a ‘change of scenery’ (he’s unofficially moved in - it’s not a permanent arrangement or anything).

This has really annoyed me, as I see it as an invasion of my private space, so I think it’s really unfair that he’s done it without even asking me first.

Both the close family member and I pay a lot as lodgers and each of us have lovely rooms. We are also very lucky that the LL’s house is spacious, so the LL has lots of living space, as do we.

I asked close family member to move out of my room but obviously I’m not going to know if he has or not whilst I’m not there.

At a bit of a loss about what to do. AIBU and any ideas about how I should approach this please?

Go over, kick him out and lock the door?

That’s rude and weird! I’d be really pissed off.

Could you get live in land lord to tell him to get back to his own room? How does he have a key?

Speak to your LL and say to them you assume you won’t need to pay if the room is occupied.

Thanks all. Unfortunately none of our rooms have locks on the doors. I just feel so frustrated at the situation and am finding it hard to think of solutions right now. I know in the grand scheme of things, this is really a tiny thing, but I see my bedroom as my own private space and I pay quite a lot of rent monthly, so this has really frustrated me.

What has your landlord said? I would tell him/her you’re giving immediate notice unless he/she gets your family member out. Stop paying until he/she has resolved this. You are a lodger, not a tenant, so you don’t have to give a month’s notice.

I really would prefer not to get LL involved at all as she’s lovely, we’re living in her house and this shouldn’t be made to be her problem.

I’d suggest that seeing as your family member is availing themselves of your room they’ll be covering your portion of the rent too?

Of course it's her problem! You're paying rent for a room which someone else has now moved into. The fact that he's your brother (I assume) is neither here nor there. He's being an absolute shit and she has no right charging you rent when he's invading your space.

Why aren't you more angry? It's a gross invasion of privacy!

Close family member has previously slept in my room when I’m not there, which has annoyed me, but the fact it keeps on happening is very annoying. I think he does this because he leaves his room quite untidy, and my room is quite tidy in comparison.

I’d rather not move out as I love the house and the LL is very reasonable and easygoing. Also, I’m saving up to get my own place, so would prefer not to go into my savings to get hold of a new deposit for a new rental.

So what are you looking for here?

Either go over and put a lock on the door

Involve the landlord.

There isn't rest much else to ponder.

And tell her you're putting a lock on the door.

Have they spread themselves out so using both rooms?

"Get the fuck out of my room now" Why are you holding back this is beyond rude.

With the rent situation, there is no way my close family member would pay my rent.

I’m really sorry to sound so defeatist - I really just can’t see a solution apart from me moving back to my room ASAP.

I am definitely angry.

What, sleeping in your bed, too?
What if they are asymptomatic?
They need to be organising a deep clean, fresh or laundered linen and an apology; family or not.

If they are using both rooms they should be paying you back for the rent you are paying

Tell them to get out or you will contact the LL and stop paying.
Why are you being such a walkover

I guess I’m just looking to vent. The absolute last thing I want to do is get my landlord involved as I imagine she’ll evict us both.

I just have a complicated relationship with family member, and have no way of knowing if he’s left my room other than to take his word for it.

Ask the LL if you can fit a lock.

Then go and fit a lock.

Move back then - or sort it out 🤷‍♀️

Move back to your rented room and tell this family member to fuck off. I would also be telling the landlady that you are going to be putting a lock on your door. It's ridiculous you don't have a lock already.

You can get door knobs with a key lock in the middle. It doesn't have to be a padlock. Not sure why this isn't an option. There should be locks on the door anyway.

Why are you posting ? You know what to do.

This hand wringing wet lettuce behaviour will get you precisely nowhere.

It's very odd to be paying a lot of money for a rental and yet not having locks on all the doors.