Close family member has ‘moved in’ to my rented room without asking - AIBU to be annoyed?

[Frustratedflatmate]

A very close family member and I both live as lodgers in the same house (we each have separate bedrooms, and our live-in landlord has her own bedroom).

Between lockdowns last year, I moved back to live with my parents. However, I’m still paying rent for my room at the LL’s house, and intend to move back to the LL’s house as soon as I can after this lockdown.

A couple of days ago, close family member informed me he had now moved into my room and was living there as it was a ‘change of scenery’ (he’s unofficially moved in - it’s not a permanent arrangement or anything).

This has really annoyed me, as I see it as an invasion of my private space, so I think it’s really unfair that he’s done it without even asking me first.

Both the close family member and I pay a lot as lodgers and each of us have lovely rooms. We are also very lucky that the LL’s house is spacious, so the LL has lots of living space, as do we.

I asked close family member to move out of my room but obviously I’m not going to know if he has or not whilst I’m not there.

At a bit of a loss about what to do. AIBU and any ideas about how I should approach this please?

Get the LL involved. It is her responsibility, ask her to deal with it.

How far away is it?

How long have you not been living there? Surely you would save more money if you had given notice, moved out of your rented accommodation and lived with family? How much more do you need to save to be able to buy?

It's very odd to be paying a lot of money for a rental and yet not having locks on all the doors.

It's normal to have no lock when you are a lodger. I have lodged in 4 houses and never had a lock.

OP it sounds like your only option is to move back into the room yourself. The situation sounds pretty awkward though. If this family member has so little respect for you that they wouldn't move out if asked, there is probably little you can do.

Erm... if you aren't living there (due to lockdown), can't you just stop paying rent, officially move out, and stay where you are now to build up a deposit. Your family member who is staying in your room is then not your problem at all.

That's a weird behaviour from the relative. Why does he do that - because he can? to wind you up? has no sense of boundaries?

I agree with pp there's only a few things you have to do.

I must say if your solution is only to go and take back your room just because of this without doing anything else, then you may as well go nowhere ever again since he'll do the same. Will you stop whatever you're doing to go back and take over, each time?

You'll have to find a way to make it certain he never does it anytime you leave, either by involving LL or letting her know you NEED a lock to ensure your room is secure when you're away.

@SnackSizeRaisin

It's very odd to be paying a lot of money for a rental and yet not having locks on all the doors.

It's normal to have no lock when you are a lodger. I have lodged in 4 houses and never had a lock.

OP it sounds like your only option is to move back into the room yourself. The situation sounds pretty awkward though. If this family member has so little respect for you that they wouldn't move out if asked, there is probably little you can do.

I wouldn't be paying money to live somewhere and not have a lock on the door.

You are pussyfooting about, and my not be telling us the full story here.

I have little sympathy for you; go back at once and assert yourself.

"That's great, I'll let the landlord know that you'll be paying for both rooms while I'm not there."

Have family member’s word he won’t stay in my room again but have no idea how to prove it. Thanks all.

Your belongings?
Tell him in no uncertain terms that he gets out of your room. Tell the LL that you are reluctant to involve her, but your relative is taking the p so you'd like her to tell the relative he is not to invade your space.

Ew! I'd be fuming. Can you ask the LL if you can put a lock on at your own expense.

WTF, is your relative sleeping in your room now?

Has LL said anything? This is just weird to me anyway. Totally weird, and I don't understand most of the post either.

@Daphnise

You are pussyfooting about, and my not be telling us the full story here.

I have little sympathy for you; go back at once and assert yourself.

Agreed.

Lodgers aren’t allowed to have locks on their doors - it’s something to do with the difference between a tenancy and a lodging agreement - but the landlady could fit one and lock the door for you while you are away.

Go and collect your mattress, take it back when you go back

If the landlord is live-in then doesn't she mind that someone else is staying in your room?

Or tell him that whilst interfamily relationships are permitted in some places it is not something you are interested in and you find his preoccupation for sleeping in your bed disturbing, ask him if he sniffs the sheets or rifles through your underwear too . Basically make him feel like if he does it again you will assume it's for weird sexual reasons.

The obvious thing to do is to ask the person to move out and if they don't you speak to the LL

They've got some cheek just moving in to your room btw, very disrespectful and speaks volumes

Tell not ask.

Jesus

Tell him to get the fuck out of your room and then put a lock on the door.

Close family member? Sibling, I presume?

What utterly odd behaviour. Tell him to shift, tell your LL you won't be paying rent until he moves out your room.

As for getting her involved, I'm fairly sure she will know what room he is living in! How big is this house?

You will have to get tough. Either involving shouting, or sitting on your bed in your room and refusing to move.

What he has done is really not the done thing. Presumably you still have a lot of your belongings in that room? The bedsheets and duvet cover, etc are yours?

Stop being such a mug.