Who should pay?

[Fudgewhizz]

Scenario: Sibling A lent Sibling B a car seat (a good one) to help them out when they had a baby, as money was tight. It was made clear that they would need it back when they had another child.

Sibling A had another child and asked for car seat back, giving several months' notice (obviously). Sibling B had been using seat for 18 months by this point. Covid hit, car seat couldn't be returned in person so needed to be couriered.

It took Sibling B another six months to get round to sending the seat, citing not having found a replacement seat / big enough box to send in / too expensive to send / too busy. Finally got round to sending it (had had it two years). In the meantime, Sibling A has been using car seat that is about to expire (apparently they have a shelf life, after which time the plastic degrades) and will soon be outgrown.

Car seat arrived filthy, with part of the harness worn away due to incorrect usage (twisted belt causing friction in the wrong place so badly fraying), and inadequately packed. Has clearly been chucked around by couriers - standard, and should have been packed better as this is to be expected. Had no padding round it and had obviously been rattling round in the box. Dirt and potentially harness could have been resolved (if harnesses available as a spare part), seat being thrown around cannot as there's no telling what unseen damage has been done (which is why they advise to replace seat if it's been in even a minor accident).

Sibling B is refusing to contribute at all to cost of new seat, citing money issues and that it's not their responsibility at all, and they've already spent money sending it back. Sibling A also has money issues and can't really afford to replace a seat that they were counting on using and would have been able to had it been packed properly (or if they'd not lent it in the first place - lesson learned there).

I mean, it's obvious which sibling I am, but who is right? Who should have paid for sending it back, and should sibling B offer to contribute to a new seat? Wear and tear and dirt fair enough, seat unusable I think not so much.

I would have lent it, and I would have received it back when asked for, in a reasonable condition. If it was damaged my sibling would have replaced it, and I'd have insisted on sharing costs. People on mn often have a different attitude to lending than me, I've seen on here lots of times about not lending.

Also, when you buy a new car seat there’s every chance a courier has dropped it at some stage, or it was dropped during manufacturing. They’re very tough (or how could they protect a child in the event of a crash?). The issue with second or third hand isn’t that it might have been used or dropped, it’s in case it’s been in a serious accident. Obviously you can choose not to use a seat that’s been dropped, but I don’t think your brother is responsible for wrapping it up like great-grandmother’s china.

How far away do you live from each other - could you not have picked it up if you had such exacting packing requirements ?

@AStudyinPink

Also, when you buy a new car seat there’s every chance a courier has dropped it at some stage, or it was dropped during manufacturing. They’re very tough (or how could they protect a child in the event of a crash?). The issue with second or third hand isn’t that it might have been used or dropped, it’s in case it’s been in a serious accident. Obviously you can choose not to use a seat that’s been dropped, but I don’t think your brother is responsible for wrapping it up like great-grandmother’s china.

Exactly some bloke dropping a car seat isn’t going to damage it, the issue where they can become dangerous is if they have been in an accident. No one would have been throwing it, they are too big and heavy, but even if they did it wouldn’t damage it. They are not bone China.

It’s a third hand car seat, of course it will be looking worse for wear.

As a sender they’d be responsible for packing and insuring the package adequately. I’d be pretty narked off if it wasn’t packaged properly and ended up damaged and then they refused to take any responsibility.

@NewPapaGuinea

As a sender they’d be responsible for packing and insuring the package adequately. I’d be pretty narked off if it wasn’t packaged properly and ended up damaged and then they refused to take any responsibility.

It wasn’t damaged due to packaging, the op is just imagining it is.

Oh, then it that case non-issue. Rattling around in a box is not going to do anything and if it has it’s certainly not going to withstand any serious accident.

@Fudgewhizz your brother is a knob and should have cleaned it, replaced the damaged harness and packaged it correctly. However at this point you both have an easy get out assuming he used a decent courier it should be insured. So if they have kicked it about then claiming on that would surely be the most appropriate action?

@NewPapaGuinea

Oh, then it that case non-issue. Rattling around in a box is not going to do anything and if it has it’s certainly not going to withstand any serious accident.

Actually it can be, and any impact including being dripped requires replacement. Read the safety info that comes with the seat

B took far too long to send it back after asked and thus more wear and tear. She should pay at least half towards a new one.

B is being an Arse.

If you can afford it why wouldn't you buy a new car seat for a new baby?

It's really off that he didn't at least try to clean it, but being realistic you should only expect to give away baby stuff rather than loan it, babies can be revolting! Car seats aren't suitable for sharing then posting back.

Sibling A needs to get over it and just buy a new car seat. Sibling A should also had taken into account it was likely to be destroyed by a baby anyway ( they always are with food and 🤮) Sibling A should not loan anything to sibling B ever again.

Car seats aren't suitable for sharing then posting back.

Of course they are. It’s just good. You take off the padding and wash it, then put it back on.

No wonder we have a waste management crisis. Throwing out a giant plastic seat and buying a new one every time someone has a new baby is crazy.

Sorry - just food.

There are only some baby items I would lend out and expect back but a car seat is definitely not one of them. I wouldnt even buy a second hand one as car safety is hugely important.
I think your both at fault, you shouldn't have lent it out if you expected it back in the condition you gave it to them, also I don't understand why you didn't collect it unless you live opposite ends of the country. They should of explained the damage, condition and packed it properly to courier. Explain how you feel, put it down to experiance but another car seat and don't lend them anything again.

AStudyinPink

Having a baby isn't exactly the most environmentally friendly option anyway. I would rather make other sacrifices for the sake of the environment rather than compromise on car seat safety. New cot mattress, new car seat, everything else can be second hand.

Oh and some car seats do not have detachable fabric. The straps should never be washed in a machine.

DaisyHeadMaisy

I wouldn’t compromise on it either. It’s perfectly fine to use the same car seat for multiple children. There’s only an issue if the seat is damaged.

But the straps can be cleaned on the seat. No reason to throw the entire thing away, just clean it. I don’t get why you’d happily put your toddler in a filthy seat but insist you need a new one as soon as a new baby comes along. Just clean it.

I think 50/50 split.
I think blaming covid is crap as over the summer travel was allowed 🤷🏼‍♀️.

I can't see why a seat in good condition wouldn't be ok for a 3rd child. Not one that's ripped obviously but car seats my children had never ripped or tore.

I dont think there's any winners in this AIBU. You should learn your lesson about lending things you want back but also its reasonable that a car sealant would wear out over time from typical use. Brother should have remembered you wanted it back and looked after it better and at least washed it. I can see that posting a car seat is a massive pain but options are limited in a pandemic. I think once a visit was out the question instead of insisted he post it you should have decided to just get a new one? They are expensive yes, you may have to pick a cheaper one unfortunately if you dont have much spare money

@AbbeyBelfast

You used it for two years, lent it to them for two years and admit it was a cheap one when you bought it...

You're really going to fall out over a FOUR year old cheap manky car seat?

Your kids deserve to travel safely and comfortably just buy them a bloody new one and scrimp on other things for a month or two.

I agree with this TBH

I think you’ve been a bit unrealistic and your brother has been a bit slapdash.

You need to find a way to let it go, or you’re going to wreck your relationship with your brother.

You probably shouldn’t lend anything to anyone again.

God the cheeker fuckers are out in force aren't they?

A is right. B should be replacing the car seat and apologising. How can they be daft enough to not know how to use a car seat harness properly to the point that they twist it that badly, they wear through it? Were they chewing on it to get it undone? And packing it incorrectly was just laziness and spite at having to hand something back that wasn't theirs anyway.

I'm surprised at how many people are happy to have a harness wear through like that and think it's normal. Is the child's safety not important?