To think calling the samaritans makes you feel worse

[Fuckinlonely]

I've seen it suggested to call the samaritans if you are struggling on here a lot. Aibu to think that the people who suggest this have never done it? I phoned and was asked what was wrong. I explained loneliness was making me depressed. She then proceeded to ask if I had a partner (no), close relationship with my family (no), friends willing to meet up (no). I asked her to stop making me feel worse. She then suggested going for a walk or going online. I explained that those ideas had actually occurred to me over the previous 10 months. She said I can call back anytime. What the actual fuck do people get out of this?!

The one time I phoned they only seemed interested in if I was suicidal. I think a lot of people sign up to do Samaritans to gain experience/ pad out applications for other things etc. That might be why you get some disinterested ones.

With the sex calls we end the call as soon as we suspect they're not genuine callers.

@RozHuntleysStump

The one time I phoned they only seemed interested in if I was suicidal. I think a lot of people sign up to do Samaritans to gain experience/ pad out applications for other things etc. That might be why you get some disinterested ones.

Years ago I believe it was policy to ask every caller if they were suicidal. Not these days though.

And you're right about some potential volunteers just "using" us to further their psychology degrees or to gain experience they can put towards getting on a degree course. But we try to weed these out at the interview stage.

Do volunteers wfh or from a central place?

Sex calls is shocking. Are there a lot of those or I guess they go up weekend/evening?

All volunteers go to the branch they volunteer out of. In my branch there are a very few volunteers who can do an email duty at home.

There are loads of sex calls! Most commonly on the early morning shifts. But some on the overnights too. I think people just think it's a free phone number, staffed mostly (at least in our branch) by women, so they'll give it a try. I've only ever had 3 female sex callers.

Sex calls , threats, abuse , emotional blackmail, such as, ‘talk dirty to me while I wank, or I’ll go upstairs and rape my 12 year old step daughter instead and it will be your fault’ all very common,

Staying at the branch all night or getting up and 3 am to go the early shift before work , also

@Rowenasemolina

Sex calls , threats, abuse , emotional blackmail, such as, ‘talk dirty to me while I wank, or I’ll go upstairs and rape my 12 year old step daughter instead and it will be your fault’ all very common,

Staying at the branch all night or getting up and 3 am to go the early shift before work , also

This is so shocking

Completely agree. They were awful with me- couldn't wait to get me off the phone.
Same here. If I'd wanted that reaction, I'd have called my mum

When I had a really bad dip in my mh I emailed them and it really helped me but never rang as I didn't want to talk so can't comment on that.
I suppose it will be different experiences for all

I've emailed them quite a lot. I do find them helpful, they made me feel like my problems were valid and helped me go through some things that I was struggling to process. I've never rang them though so can't comment on the calls. I hope your ok OP.

The women I got through to were very kind

They really helped me. I was going mad and the quiet, calm paractical almost mundane quesitons sort of pulled me back. I focussed on answering quesitons, explaining the situation - and somehow the process of doing that got things in proportion.

I wouldn't hesitate to call them again. If you are on your own and it is 3am and there is no-one you can call it is good to know that there is a phone call you can make.

They can't "cure" everything just as the constant "Get it checked out at A and E /GP" so often advised on here can cure everything. Some people especially with severe MH problems or mental illness cannot be helped by a phone call. They do help a lot of people.

Agree that it has never helped me.

I've used them with mixed results. As many on this thread have pointed out, it depends on the individual who picks up.

Befriending helplines are more suitable for some people's needs and should be recommended as much as the Samaritans.

We get a huge amount of sex callers and or fantasists. Some shifts that's all you get.

Gosh how awful, and how demoralising for the volunteers.

I can definitely believe some volunteers aren't as good as others. Some people really have a way of sounding empathetic, others just don't. It's like with anything I suppose.

I called the Samaritans when I was a bit drunk and feeling suicidal age 16.

The man essentially told me to fuck off.

So YANBU.

It was 40 years ago though!

And I'm still here.

But no thanks to Samaritan man who when I said, I just want to die. I need to talk. Hung up on me.

30 years ago even.

@lydia2021

Ladies.... you are missing a trick here. You have each other. Start a thread of support for anyone who needs extra support right now. We need mumsnet to put Extra Support in Topics. If I was computer nerdy I would do it. But I cant, it's impossible to excel at everything. Fuckinlonely, I feel for you, Samaritans is the same as work, family, society, or social media. In short, As a child, I was told that through life I would like some people more than others. It's very true, you were just unlucky that day or night you called Samaritans and had someone on the other end who simply didn't get you. Ask the mums for support, and anyone who doesnt have empathy for you isnt worth bothering with. You are a great person, and you and others, such ss myself need real support from time to time. Reach out and ask for support from us.

@mnhq this

I've called them twice in my life.

On both occasions, I was at my absolute lowest and didn't want to bother anyone. The Samaritan I spoke to on each occasion helped calm me down, helped me reflect on my situation and encourage me to talk to my friends as opposed to shutting them out and spiralling into darkness on my own.

I couldn't tell you what was said - it was a long time ago and an utter blur - but I can tell you I could barely speak at the start of each call as I was a sobbing, hyperventilating mess. By the end of the call, I felt empowered to start finding a coping strategy.

They're good people. You know, if you call to kill yourself, they have to listen to you? They'll only call an ambulance if you give them permission. It's one of the hardest voluntary roles out there; they're the salt of the earth.

They don't fix, they just listen. If you want someone to solve your problems, you need to call a specific advice helpline during the day. If you are struggling and just need a shoulder to cry on, they're there, 24/7.

They were what I needed at the time. Someone to listen, to acknowledge that life was indeed very hard, and to encourage me to look around me and accept the help that my friends were willing to provide and I had been too distressed to previously accept.

I'm very grateful to anyone who currently volunteers or who has ever volunteered for the Samaritans. I don't need to speak to them now, but I still feel comforted knowing that if I ever get to that point again, they'll be there.

I've used them once and the man who i spoke to was amazing and probably saved my life that night as i was so lost it was an absolute last resort to stop myself from killing myself that night. He listened completely calm and with empathy, talked me down from a terrible panic attack for well over half an hour and helped me reflect on a number of situations. He also pointed me in a direction for further help that was specific for my situation. I thanked him a lot at the end as he was truly brilliant.

Dont have an affair ffs, cant believe the amount of people suggesting this. I had an affair and it totally destroyed my life, I've lost friends, family, the respect of people I love, etc. You need to leave him if you want sex. Dont end up the bad guy

The Samaritans are all volunteers. They get up at all kinds of hours and put in a lot of emotional investment to help people in crisis. They do it because they want to do it.

More often than not they get verbal abuse from people who are drunk, have more calls from men masturbating than from people in distress, have people who are calling the service for no reason, have fantasists calling up telling them their twisted and disturbing fantasies, have rape threats from prisoners.

Yet they sit there trying to listen and trying to help the person on the other end of the phone because that person might actually be genuine underneath all that and need someone to talk things through with.

Then there are the times that they actually have to be there for someone as they are actively self harming or even in the process of taking their own life. They become the last voice that someone hears.

It’s about connection. Some people you connect with some you don’t. It’s unfortunate if they don’t work for everyone who calls. But they have their limits. They are already flat out due to the events of the last year with increasing numbers of calls from people who can’t handle loneliness and isolation any more. People who literally have no one else to speak to in day to day life and are so distressed and anxious by the current situation.

We are on the tip of a mental health crisis due to Covid. Charities such as Samaritans will be relied on like never before to support the mess that Covid has left.

@TiredUselessHopeless noone is saying that the volunteers have bad intentions.