To think calling the samaritans makes you feel worse

[Fuckinlonely]

I've seen it suggested to call the samaritans if you are struggling on here a lot. Aibu to think that the people who suggest this have never done it? I phoned and was asked what was wrong. I explained loneliness was making me depressed. She then proceeded to ask if I had a partner (no), close relationship with my family (no), friends willing to meet up (no). I asked her to stop making me feel worse. She then suggested going for a walk or going online. I explained that those ideas had actually occurred to me over the previous 10 months. She said I can call back anytime. What the actual fuck do people get out of this?!

@purpleme12

Oh that's awful about the sex callers and abuse 😳

A lot of emotional blackmail too. ‘ let me wank on the phone with you or I’ll go upstairs and rape my 12 year old step daughter and it will be all your fault’ etc. That sort of thing

Samaritans are there to try and make sure there s no one who is in distress and has nobody to talk to

But that’s all they are there for. Someone to talk to.

@Flatcokeisnojoke

How can they be only trained to listen if you can email them?

I think it's important for people to realise however that the samaritans can't offer a life changing conversation that gives them all the tools they need to get rid of all their problems and leaves them feeling brand new.

And that’s very obviously not what anyone posting here is expecting, @AwaAnBileYerHeid. Your hyperbole is verging towards gas-lighting.

@Someone1987

Why are these people.suggested EVERYWHERE for help then? On social media, TV, this site...it's sold to people as though they are the number one place to go, but they evidently can't deal with issues and can't even tell someone not to end it all. So what's the point?

Cheaper than providing an effective mental health service.

No disrespect to the volunteers, but I think they’re being asked to do the impossible.

@Someone1987

Why are these people.suggested EVERYWHERE for help then? On social media, TV, this site...it's sold to people as though they are the number one place to go, but they evidently can't deal with issues and can't even tell someone not to end it all. So what's the point?

The point is, some distressed people need someone to talk to. They need sympathy and a listening ear. That’s what Samaritans offer. Nothing more, nothing less. It’s helpful to a lot of people. It’s no use to a lot of people. But they remain an option

the Samaritans are being promoted heavily as the first port of call for anyone in crisis - all over my social media from well-meaning friends and also even here on MN

They're also promoted by NHS mental health services. Even if you have a severe mental illness, and see a psychiatrist, a CPN, a psychologist, the whole kit and caboodle, your letters from the mental health service will in all likelihood recommend that if you feel bad and need to talk to someone, you should call the Samaritans. I think that's shocking, that the NHS are farming out their existing, known-to-services, severely mentally ill patients on untrained volunteers providing a community service.

They definitely are not trained to ask those sort of probing questions. Though they do go through extensive training in listening skills. They are volunteers not professionals.

Quite often you will feel worse though.

Have you not RTFT, @Rowenasemolina? Many pp have very much not received “sympathy and a listening ear”.

services promote Samaritans because they are a 24/7 service that can be instantly accessed. As others have said it's a listening service nothing more - which is not to decry it but it was never intended to offer advice or counselling. I volunteered with them years ago and anonymity was very highly stressed- no one apart from my partner knew that I was a Samaritan. I don't know if they still practice this but it leads me to doubt anyone who says they are a Samaritan to all and sundry.

I have not read the whole thread, but wanted to say that the Samaritans were wonderful to me when my OH died a year ago. There were times when I was in total despair and they helped me through. They were kind and patient and listened; and I knew I could ring them at any time. It meant that I could be sad without trying to put a brave face on as I was doing for my family.

I've spoken to them twice. Once, my then OH called as I was in a very, very dark place. The volunteer was calm, helped me get out of the darkness, and calmer. She called me back the next day to see how I was, I really appreciated it.

Second time I called in middle of massive panic attack that I couldn't stop, with two young kids in house. She helped calm me down.

I know it can be hit and miss. But for me they've been kind and helped.

The last time that I rang the samaritans I was feeling very suicidal and the guy agreed that I had thought it through and knew the consequences and then offered to stay on the phone while I did it. Thankfully my mental health team were aware of how I was feeling and had already contacted the emergency services.

No, my neice is not anonymous. How could she be in schools and food banks, and other public places. The anonymous thing doesn’t exist any more

That is awful. Loneliness is horrible OP I'm sorry you're struggling it is a terrible time for people living alone.
I hope you feel better soon.

Yes, that is the main strength of the Samaritans, being available 24/7. No other service is

Just been looking at their website and it’s said that when they were set up they were very much only for the suicidal - and that kind of makes more sense, a place to call when you are at the end of your rope. Now they are for anyone in distress - that’s so broad, no wonder they can’t meet the need.

I agree with @NoIDontLikeTrains, it’s deeply wrong for them to be promoted by the NHS as a sticking plaster for people with serious MH needs.

Sorry, that was a metaphorical rope, I didn’t mean people thinking of hanging themselves. Apologies.

chocolatethief

If this happened I am truly sorry but to be honest I'm not sure this happened. If it did, I very much hope you followed up with a complaint as this is definitely not in keeping.

it’s deeply wrong for them to be promoted by the NHS as a sticking plaster for people with serious MH needs.

Yes, which is clearly what this post refers to:

I think it's important for people to realise however that the samaritans can't offer a life changing conversation that gives them all the tools they need to get rid of all their problems and leaves them feeling brand new.

[quote Staffy1]@FreezerBird, that must have been so awful, did someone find her in time?

[/quote]
Yes - or she did actually wake up hours later and seek help, I can't remember. It wasn't an isolated incident.

Those under secondary services used to have 24h access to the crisis team/OOH :-/ and in some parts of the country there's a mental health crisis line you can ring that's part of 111.

I've called them a lot over the years and you can get some absolutely brilliant people. And sometimes you don't. But you can call back until you find someone you click with. It's not fair to judge a whole service by one interaction.

Volunteers used to have to not tell anyone that they are a samaritan volunteer, but that policy has changed and you can now tell people. Not the calls/emails obviously.

@wardrobesandthebackofthem

chocolatethief

If this happened I am truly sorry but to be honest I'm not sure this happened. If it did, I very much hope you followed up with a complaint as this is definitely not in keeping.

Bit rude, wardrobes - it states very clearly on the Samaritans website that they will respect your decision and stay talking to you if you have taken action to end your life.