To think calling the samaritans makes you feel worse

[Fuckinlonely]

I've seen it suggested to call the samaritans if you are struggling on here a lot. Aibu to think that the people who suggest this have never done it? I phoned and was asked what was wrong. I explained loneliness was making me depressed. She then proceeded to ask if I had a partner (no), close relationship with my family (no), friends willing to meet up (no). I asked her to stop making me feel worse. She then suggested going for a walk or going online. I explained that those ideas had actually occurred to me over the previous 10 months. She said I can call back anytime. What the actual fuck do people get out of this?!

Sorry @Bikely that is very true x

@Fuckinlonely

Not sure what your gripe is exactly is what you said. I thought it was obvious that asking someone to not be suicidal till next Wednesday isnt helpful.

That person was not working those hours. It is their JOB. They had finished work for the week. Nothing more to it than that. What goes on for your customers outside your working hours isn’t your concern

@AvonCallingBarksdale

They’re not trained counsellors, although I expect some overstep into that line of conversation when they really shouldn’t. However an acquaintance is a Samaritan volunteer and they are very liberal with sharing snippets of calls, so they’re probably the last people I would call.

This shouldn't be happening either - there's a huge emphasis on confidentiality. I can't speak for other volunteers obviously, but I know that I would never speak about calls/callers.

@Fuckinlonely

Sorry *@Bikely* that is very true x

No need to apologise, I just feel sad for your experience. And want to tell you that calling Samaritans can be a positive move. I really wish you loads of luck for your future, and hope you can come through all this.

@Rowenasemolina noone was asking her to come in on her day off just maybe reject the lonely suicidal 22 year old a little more kindly?

@Fuckinlonely

Not sure what your gripe is exactly is what you said. I thought it was obvious that asking someone to not be suicidal till next Wednesday isnt helpful.

Wait, is your comment about Samaritans dismissing negative experiences somehow responding to my comment about can’t see how you can take umbrage at a councillor not being available outside their working hours?

Where’s the connection? I’m not a Samaritan, I am not dismissing negative experiences of Samaritans, This councillor was not a Samaritan, and did nothing wrong, except not be available to customers outside of working hours, which is quite right, and professional, and maybe a disciplinary offence if they did make themselves available.

So I don’t understand the leaps your mind is making at all

I hope it is just my mind and your comments aren't upsetting anyone else too @Rowenasemolina

I found them unhelpful, they were bordering on rude when I rang, it made me feel a lot worst, its not a service I would personally recommend to someone feeling that low.

Hi OP. I work for Samaritans and am sorry you had this bad experience. Our volunteers are fallible human beings of course, but they are also trained not to give advice or try to solve problems. Your experience perhaps demonstrates why this is the right approach, and you should have been better supported than you were. Hope you do get any help or support you need.

I for one would not have still been here if it were not for a lovely lady called Minnie who worked for the Samaritans. For three nights she let me talk and talk when I had no one else I could talk to and she helped me see a different view to the one I was contemplating.

Well, the Samaritans are a listening service, not a counselling service. They can let you talk and let off steam, but they can't provide answers or advise you, they are there to listen. And primarily they are there to help people who are suicidal, so they do try to establish exactly how "low" you are. Sorry you had such a poor call with them.

I use to volunteer as a samaritan and in addition to what @Rowenasemolina has said, unfortunately alot of people call and try to manipulate you by trying to keep you on the line and not actually having any problems.

Some calls you felt like its getting blood from a stone when some callers wouldn't disclose much information and then you would ask questions in order to get information like the op had mentioned do you have family friends etc in order to try and help the caller in the best way possible.

Sometimes people would sy they are depressed or lonely and didn't want to talk about it?

It was amazing when you were able to help people with problems in their life or preventing them from commiting suicide.

Yes you can't give advise, you can give suggestions, signpost people to other charities/organisations that can help. You can as they say here, hand hold and try and talk to people in order for the caller to feel listened to and understood, show empathy and empowered.

Ex-Samaritan here. I'm so sorry that we haven't been able to help some callers and I'm horrified by the negative experiences on here.

As PPs have said, it's a listening service - we're not trained counsellors, all we can do is be there when callers want to vent, or hand-hold through a tough time, and listen to whatever our callers want to say. Quite often, though, it felt like people phoned up who didn't want to talk, and would become angry and resentful if I asked gentle questions to begin opening up discussion.

It was incredibly hard. I dealt with all the issues outlined by PPs - men masturbating, prank calls, verbal abuse etc. But what I found most difficult were the calls where the caller was angry at the world, and therefore me. I found that with many callers, if I didn't say exactly what they wanted me to say, at the exact point at which they wanted to hear it, they would become sneering and angry. I realised that I was always walking on eggshells, second-guessing myself, to the point where I got my supervisor to listen in on some calls to make sure I wasn't doing anything wrong. I truly wanted to help people and often felt I wasn't. In the end she reassured me that I was doing fine and doing everything I could within the constraints placed upon us. I still felt I wasn't doing enough, though.

The calls when I truly felt like I'd helped someone made it all worth it, though. Some people would thank me and say they felt better for having released all the thoughts churning around inside. The call that most affected me was a lady who was very set on ending her life, was at peace with her decision, had absolute clarity on not wanting an ambulance, and just wanted a human voice to listen to as she fell asleep after taking some pills. That was so, so sad. There was literally nothing I could do.

@Fuckinlonely

Not sure what your gripe is exactly is what you said. I thought it was obvious that asking someone to not be suicidal till next Wednesday isnt helpful.

She said that she had time off in lieu owed so was going to spend the weekend in a ski resort with her family so I could see her next Weds if I was still feeling ‘low’

Sorry, I can't quote the thread above yours by @EmmanuelleMakro which you're responding to - just to say, having just completed my MH First Aid course, where a major topic is about suicide, I'm aghast at "the counsellor" being so clueless and insensitive as to talk about their weekend break, as if that would be in anyway relevant or helpful to someone who had suicidal thoughts.

I also think it's possibly misleading as it sounds like this was in a different country other than U.K., and it doesn't state it was specifically the Samaritans, just a "counsellor".

@RedPandaFluff are you.not able to stop someone at that point? That's so sad, must have been awful for you.

@Someone1987 bizarrely I think that lady was one of the people I did manage to actually help. She told me what she wanted, and I was able to do that for her. We did explore her other options, but ending her life was what she wanted, she'd "put her affairs in order", and she was looking forward to not being in emotional pain anymore. There's a point at which we can't try to change minds; we have to accept the decision and do whatever we can to comfort. She was so clear and so certain about what she wanted.

I think about her often.

I just wish we could do more, and do better.

I called them at my lowest point and I was made to feel better.

I appreciate anyone volunteering to help others. I also know that I’m pretty much the only person hi can ever really help myself.

@Fatandfifty49 (I feel like I'm insulting you), I'm pretty sure. But I haven't been with the Samaritans for many years. As far as I remember the reasoning behind it was if someone is really determined to take their life, but want a voice and ear at the end, they wouldn't be able to have that if they knew the Samaritans would try and stop it happening if they had a location, and would pass it on to the authorities. Not sure if when you mention 'confession' if you mean the Church but, if you do, I'd assume priests wouldn't be doing their religious duty if they didn't intervene in a potential suicide.

As a Samaritan, if you speak to someone who says they want to kill themselves and, for example, tell you they've taken an overdose, then if they've given you their location there's a good chance they want you to intervene, even if they insist they don't. In that case you could coax out of them the permission to do that. However, if you recognised a voice, name, etc, so know where they are (which theoretically could happen, as services were generally local), you could not use that to intervene.

Redpandafluff you sound like you were a lovely Samaritan.

I remember particular calls with people who said I had helped them but also those who I felt I wasn't helping even though I really really tried. I remember those calls vividly even though I stopped volunteering over 20 years ago.

I do remember after completing my training the branch manager telling me you will only feel like you've truly helped someone maybe once every few months. I was aghast but she was absolutely right.

We did have a lot of regular callers (in those days they could call the actual branch) - in fact the majority of our callers were regular callers who we knew - or sex calls.

Again, I'm sorry for those who have had bad experiences - some of these stories are appalling and certainly not how we were trained.

I haven't rtft but your experience, OP, reflects DD's . She called them a couple of times in her hour of great need but got sarcasm and patronising answers back. Luckily, it galvanised DD but she was in a very vulnerable place at the time and he could have pushed her towards taking her life.

@Caspah Thanks. I did have a nosey on their website and I see that it is correct. It must be so hard if you have to wait til someone dies. I'd feel so powerless

@Rowenasemolina I can't get over the fact you think it's OK for a trained counsellor, faced with a vulnerable young adult who was saying she was suicidal, to say sorry I'm clocking off, see me next week, im off on me holidays.

There are so many ways she could have helped but chose not to and if you think that's OK then I don't know what to say. You seem determined to play it down though so I don't really know what your motive is

@RedPandaFluff

You say you think you actually helped this woman - what you did was actually incredible. Very few people could have done what you did. I can’t imagine how hard it felt for you but I am utterly in awe.

[quote FellowFlipFlop]@Rowenasemolina I can't get over the fact you think it's OK for a trained counsellor, faced with a vulnerable young adult who was saying she was suicidal, to say sorry I'm clocking off, see me next week, im off on me holidays.

There are so many ways she could have helped but chose not to and if you think that's OK then I don't know what to say. You seem determined to play it down though so I don't really know what your motive is[/quote]
We have no idea how the conversation went, or what the context was. We only know that a patient wanted the councillor to make herself available outside her allocated work hours, and the councillor did not comply ( quite rightly)

As a professional, my motive is simply to try and explain that no, neither myself nor other professionals can or should make ourselves available to our customers outside working hours. It would be very unprofessional to do do, and in some cases a disciplinary matter.

As you can see from this thread, there is a huge expectation that this professional should have abandoned their private plans and rearranged their personal life to accommodate a customer who wanted them outside of working hours.

This expectation is wholly wrong. professionally, morally and ethically

I don't think the poor volunteer was trying to make you sound worse It sounds like she was trying to establish who is in your life, which to my mind is a fair enough question given the circumstances.
I hope things look up for you, OP.