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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think calling the samaritans makes you feel worse

279 replies

Fuckinlonely · 30/01/2021 20:18

I've seen it suggested to call the samaritans if you are struggling on here a lot. Aibu to think that the people who suggest this have never done it? I phoned and was asked what was wrong. I explained loneliness was making me depressed. She then proceeded to ask if I had a partner (no), close relationship with my family (no), friends willing to meet up (no). I asked her to stop making me feel worse. She then suggested going for a walk or going online. I explained that those ideas had actually occurred to me over the previous 10 months. She said I can call back anytime. What the actual fuck do people get out of this?!

OP posts:
MissBaskinIfYoureNasty · 30/01/2021 20:39

I think they can only be helpful to you if you're in a position of being able to talk.
If you're angry and reluctant to talk or desperately hopelessly distressed I think other options are more appropriate. I didn't find them helpful but I needed more professional intensive help at that point, plus medication.

Original poster
Fuckinlonely · 30/01/2021 20:39

I would have met him too @Rummikub dont worry you shouldn't be ashamed. He should though x

OP posts:
wideskies · 30/01/2021 20:40

I suppose when Ive felt low before and sought help, I'm looking for answers and solutions and every time I've slowly come to the realisation - usually with the help of a trained talking therapist - that I have to make changes and they need to come from me to feel differently. I think it's so frustrating that there's no quicker answer, I'm wanting a solution but the first conversation to a mental health line has usually been pointing me onwards to my GP or seeking a therapist, as well as some self help strategies.

I believe the CALM helpline is open, I'm not sure if they might be better at supporting in your situation OP. This lockdown is awful, hope you find some ways to help feel better soon and that you find the support and kindness you deserve xx

TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup · 30/01/2021 20:40

Sorry, I didn't realise the mind line was closed.

Can we help on here at all? I know it's not talking verbally but it might help to just have folk here who can respond. Maybe start a new thread and link to it so we can find you rather than getting loads of the same responses about the samaratins in amongst folk who will read the whole thread and reply to updates.

IMightCry · 30/01/2021 20:41

You're not wrong. Flowers 7 years ago I called them. The person sounded so flat on the other end. I wanted to hear a friendly voice, talk about what had happened. I put down the phone and took an over dose instead. The pain I was feeling was too much.

Big hugs. Please talk on here if you feel you can. Also I'm happy for you to DM if you need a listening ear. Flowers

Original poster
Fuckinlonely · 30/01/2021 20:42

Has anyone got any reviews of CALM? Are they nice?

OP posts:
randomer · 30/01/2021 20:43

They are well meaning volunteers, thats all.

Sorry to hear you feel so rubbish OP. Do you have any MH services in your area?

Rummikub · 30/01/2021 20:43

Agree with pp I think mn is much better to find support

luxxlisbon · 30/01/2021 20:43

Unfortunately with all these things they at the mercy of human error, there can also be a bad combination of personalities with the caller or helper which can make rapport building difficult and on top of that the caller really needs to be at a certain point in their struggle where they are open and the conversation is helpful.

I still don’t think it’s a bad suggestion to advise someone to call when they aren’t in a position or don’t want to seek help from anyone around them.

Sorry you had a bad experience though.

Original poster
Fuckinlonely · 30/01/2021 20:44

Imightcry I am so so sorry to hear that. Big hugs right back to you xx

OP posts:
Keepingthingsinteresting · 30/01/2021 20:45

@Rummikub please, please report that. That should not have happened and there are systems in place to deal with it. If you can remember when you called please inform the samaritans central office.

randomer · 30/01/2021 20:45

Whatsup Fuckin?
Is it longterm or Covid related or longterm and Covid has heightened it?

Original poster
Fuckinlonely · 30/01/2021 20:46

I'm not going to talk more about my upset because as a pp so charmingly pointed out "They can hardly send a new best friend by special delivery - so what can you expect them to say?"! We will keep it to a discussion of the samaritans but thank you for offering x

OP posts:
trackside · 30/01/2021 20:46

Some are good some are not. One spoke to me for an hour and really helped but once they just said 'we can't hear you, are you by a train track? Go somewhere quieter and call us back' and ended the call.

Scrunchcake · 30/01/2021 20:48

I've definitely said to people on here and irl to call the samaritans but I've never had to call them and thinking now I've been a bit naive - didn't realise they'd be so hit and miss. Sorry you're having a crap time, op.

I've seen the Shout text service recommended on here but again have no first-hand experience of it. Might be worth checking out though?

randomer · 30/01/2021 20:49

What a load of nonsense OP. Loads of people are massively struggling and lonely.
I was talking to a friend today who has a very very busy family and professional life. She was surprised to hear I hadn't spoken to anybody for days.
People lose sight of others so easily.

Bagelsandbrie · 30/01/2021 20:49

I’ve phoned a couple of times and never found them helpful. I’m glad others have. I always felt I might as well just sit and write down my thoughts or go through them in my head. It just seemed a bit repetitive too - like “what’s bothering you...” “oh I can see xxxx is bothering you... what do you think you can do about xxxx” and repeating back what I’d said to them.

Rummikub · 30/01/2021 20:50

@Keepingthingsinteresting

It was around 8 or so years ago now I think. Doubt there’d be records of it now.

I did used to volunteer on a night line at uni. In training we were told to only ever reflect back. Perhaps that’s what Samaritans do too. Even though I had that experience I still valued it overall (I think?)

Gingaaarghpussy · 30/01/2021 20:51

I rang the samaritans once, because I was trying not to self harm. I was majorly distracted because the chap I spoke to had the most annoying voice I'd ever heard.
So it was and wasn't a positive experience.

Original poster
Fuckinlonely · 30/01/2021 20:51

My phone said it was going to charge me so I panicked and cancelled the text to shout so I dont have a review other than dont recommend it to a teenager who doesn't pay their own phone bill just in case!

OP posts:
randomer · 30/01/2021 20:51

@katy123, what were you hoping to gain from that franky ridiculous comment?

MorgaineLeFay · 30/01/2021 20:52

Call CALM! Brill webchat and helpline 5pm till midnight every night.

Rummikub · 30/01/2021 20:52

@trackside

Some are good some are not. One spoke to me for an hour and really helped but once they just said 'we can't hear you, are you by a train track? Go somewhere quieter and call us back' and ended the call.
That’s shocking :(
ThisIsNotSocialDistancing · 30/01/2021 20:52

I had a crap experience the one and only time I called them. It was about 10 years ago. I was very distressed about a problem with my child, and about a close friend who had just been given a terminal diagnosis. The woman on the phone sounded irritated, and told me I should make an appointment with the GP 'to get something to help [me] calm down'. I was mortified. Would never call them again, or suggest anyone else does.

Carouselfish · 30/01/2021 20:53

I emailed with them rather than phone. Maybe that would suit you more as less confrontational.

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