To think calling the samaritans makes you feel worse

[Fuckinlonely]

I've seen it suggested to call the samaritans if you are struggling on here a lot. Aibu to think that the people who suggest this have never done it? I phoned and was asked what was wrong. I explained loneliness was making me depressed. She then proceeded to ask if I had a partner (no), close relationship with my family (no), friends willing to meet up (no). I asked her to stop making me feel worse. She then suggested going for a walk or going online. I explained that those ideas had actually occurred to me over the previous 10 months. She said I can call back anytime. What the actual fuck do people get out of this?!

I find them helpful just as an ear to listen. No, they won’t fix all (or maybe even any) of your problems, but they’re a friendly ear to hear you speak. I find a cute pup works just as well as the samaritans for listening

Fuckinlonely I'm happy to give you my number, you can call me anytime. My ex after increasingly suicidal behaviour and being continually reviewed by a OT and not the cpn he was referred to, threw himself under a train. I understand how fucked up this countries mental health support is, I will do anything I can to help you, be that a pm, text or call.

They are a listening service, not therapists. I think people are being unrealistic about what they can offer.

I hate the claim that they "made you feel worse", and I don't think that's fair.

People who have found them amazing - how did they help? I really want to know! Do you mean they had a good conversation with you, listening to what you said without offering simplistic solutions? Or that you found it helpful to be advised to go to your GP or another service? What helped you?

[quote Rummikub]@Staffy1
No definitely not. As he talked about what I would wear and about ‘taking me out’[/quote]
Oh, wow, that's really bad! Were you able to report him?

There’s always good experiences and not so good ones depending on who you get. In any organisation.
In my role there are DBS checks.

I’m assuming those are in place now for Samaritans as they are for other voluntary organisations.

@TheCanyon wow, you are a lovely person. Thank you so much for the offer. I wont take you up on it, as I'm not in danger but there are people posting on the mental health board all the time who might love that if you have the time xxxxxx

The 'friendly ear/listening' thing' - I get that, but it wasn't what I was offered. Decent training should mean there aren't such huge variations between volunteers. Different personalities - of course - but surely a standard approach of some kind, so callers know what they can expect?

@FreezerBird, that must have been so awful, did someone find her in time?

For those who have found this thread offensive or unfair I am genuinely sorry. I do think its useful to have a place to share our experiences though. Calling the samaritans DOES make some people feel worse and I feel less like a weirdo for knowing that.

What were you expecting her to say? Genuinely. You said you were lonely, she tried to explore your life and situation a little further, you sound like you were quite rude to her in return. They are just an ear to listen to which many people find therapeutic, they aren't trained counsellors.

@Staffy1
No I didn’t at the time. It’s taken me a long time to get to here- a somewhat even keel. At the time I just didn’t have the right frame of mind to even consider reporting it.

I still valued it as a service though as I did receive incredibly kind support on other occasions.

I agree,they are not helpful as the adverts say.I think sometimes it is actually quite opposite.

I found them a comfort when I called. DH was working overseas in a different timezone, it was the middle of the night and I felt all alone and worried about a seriously ill relative and how to help them. Knowing there was someone I could call was helpful. They couldn't solve the problem, but me telling the lady about it helped me reason things through in my head and helped me calm down and get to sleep.

This was my first ever experience of mental health support. I didn't have much expectation but I thought they would be nice and I would feel the same or better. Feeling worse wasnt my goal so I came here to discuss it.

ThisIsNotSocialDistancing

The same reason people are over referred to Home Start?

I do think some people just need to talk and know someone is listening and tell their story over and over. People in RL run out of tolerance but they still need to talk, or feel there is someone there to ask how they are at 3am. When you consider the alternative, having that number to call is invaluable. But it is no substitute for proper services. Perhaps Samaritans gets a bad rap because it is expected to solve problems it wasn't designed to help with.

I unfortunately, like others, had a bad experience. The Samaritan was not a listening ear and asked lots of pointed questions and I ended up getting quite defensive.

My professional body has a 24 hour counselling service. The people who respond are all trained. Fantastic service and the times I have been called and have been so helpful.

I haven’t been able to get through when I’ve tried the Samaritans number! I guess they’re overstretched.

I have been able to call my local equivalent which the mental health team refer us to, and no - didn’t make me feel any better at all. Suggested I should get an allotment.

I had a very similar experience, OP. I certainly didn't expect someone on the end of the phone to fix my problems but I certainly didn't feel I was listened to. Which was quite surprising at a time when there were always ads or similar about calling the Samaritans.
That said they were fantastic when a relative of mine had some mental health problems so I guess it varies..

Regarding what would you expect her to say.......how about something along the lines of....mmm, I see, that sounds difficult. I understand/ I see/Can you share a bit more/Can you tell me a little more about your circumstances if you like/ this is a difficult time/many people are feeling like this right now.

I believe it is known as active listening.

@daisychain01

Just to be clear *@Maybesomethingmaybenothing* there is nothing inappropriate about a volunteer / caseworker etc mentioning that's what they do. They mustn't discuss anything about their cases, they need to keep full confidentiality, but just mentioning "I volunteer for xyz charity" is OK.

Thank you for clarifying. Do you work for the organisation? It's just that your post is so authoritative it appears you do?

I'm almost certain that years ago the rule was that one mustn't talk about it. Or perhaps the person who told me that just thought it was unethical to do so.

I do think that boasting about one's so-called good works cancels out any moral benefits . The glory of people knowing is surely ample reward?

randomer

They're trained to do that. In fairness I think they usually do it.

The OP's conversation seemed doomed to fail unless she was willing to talk about how the situation made her feel.

I echo @EdithWeston

Sams should be a listening service as far as I'm aware, it sounds like she was trying to advise and asking too many questions.

@Rummikub

I’ve found them hit and miss. One man tried to meet me when I was feeling my most vulnerable.

Do you mean he offered you a face to face appointment?

I have had really good experiences with the Samaritans from the age of 11 onwards. Whenever I am I crisis I call them and get how I am feeling off my chest which makes me feel better.