To think calling the samaritans makes you feel worse

[Fuckinlonely]

I've seen it suggested to call the samaritans if you are struggling on here a lot. Aibu to think that the people who suggest this have never done it? I phoned and was asked what was wrong. I explained loneliness was making me depressed. She then proceeded to ask if I had a partner (no), close relationship with my family (no), friends willing to meet up (no). I asked her to stop making me feel worse. She then suggested going for a walk or going online. I explained that those ideas had actually occurred to me over the previous 10 months. She said I can call back anytime. What the actual fuck do people get out of this?!

@NoIDontLikeTrains

Xeno practical advice like telling you to 1. have a bath when you're in student digs with no access to one, followed by a suggestion to sit in the shower tray instead; 2. go for a walk; or 3. make a cup of tea — when it's 3am and you'll wake other people if you turn your shower on or start messing about in the kitchen, don't fancy walking the streets in the dead of night, and could do without excess caffeine when you need to sleep?

Bath, walk, tea: the crisis team pharmacopoeia.

No, they have talked me through breathing exercises, did some mindfulness coaching, talked me through making a drink so I could take my medication... all things that are hard to do off my own back when in distress. If I call them, I have already had a cup of tea, bath (they never recommend walks to me as it is dangerous for me to leave the house when dysregulated). I have an extension crisis plan that they refer to when I call. My responsibility is to try the basic things myself first. I am sorry you had a shit experience.

I have never rang them but I guess they are more a listening service

I also had a crap experience with the samaritans when I was 18. I said I was feeling extremely depressed. THey said "you should only be using this line if you are suicidal. Are you suicidal?"

@ThisIsNotSocialDistancing

Speaking for myself, someone who listens carefully to what I have to say, acknowledges it's a big deal and there are no easy answers and I'm not wrong to be overwhelmed, and reassures me that it's possible to get through each moment at a time because I've done it before - that helps a bit. But the Samaritans didn't do that when I called. They made me feel foolish for feeling the way I felt.

Absolutely this. I've called the samaritans once - after coming off the phone with a suicidal friend. She'd called me having overdosed and wouldn't tell me where she was; just wanted to talk to someone until she fell asleep.

I was at home alone at the time and just needed to debrief I guess really - I'd also done nightline at university and knew that they would listen but not advise which was fine, but even so it wasn't a massively helpful call. Just hearing the words 'that must have been really tough' would have made an enormous difference to me but she never quite managed that.

Samaritans isn't just for people who are going to take their life

I was in a place once where I was panicky and wanting to talk to people on the phone a lot. It started to be awkward with people I knew, as I thought I said stupid things. Sometimes is was great, eg one time I felt really stressed and about being mentally unable to leave the house. Had quite a serious conversation and they said call back anytime. Another time I was feeling panicky on public, chatted about porridge and felt calmer. Last time I called them though I talked in a chit chat way and the lady basically said I was wasting her time and people who actually needed Samaritans were waiting to call....

@Givemeabreak88

I called them once and didn’t find them helpful, the woman was pretty much silent the whole time. I personally found it pointless might as well talk to myself! Wouldn’t call again.

I knew a Samaritan who was a very good marriage guidance counsellor for her paid job. Samaritans are all volunteers, and are meant to listen, not offer solutions. However..Loneliness is a really Taboo subject I found.. I was achingly lonely years ago and I soon learned to never mention it. People run for the hills at the L word.

Years ago someone phoned a radio station and mentioned being very lonely.

The presenter couldn’t get him off air quickly enough.

It was quite shocking.

Loneliness is far commoner than people admit to.

user13752257 Sat 30-Jan-21 20:55:35.

What a lovely, well-informed post. Could you cut and paste it and send it to Katy123? What a callous sounding individual she is.

OP I share your view. I was doing a course once and the course leader dropped into the conversation at least once a day that she was a Samaritan. Firstly I'm sure people who volunteer aren't meant to talk about it and secondly she was a total arsehole. No time for anybody, had her teacher's pets in the class and made them obvious, not very bright, bad-tempered, irritable, I could go on. I'm pretty certain she was doing it for the sake of her own ego or so that she could drop it into conversations in order to boost her credibility as an enlightened human being.

I'm sure some of the volunteers are doing it for the right reasons, but definitely not all.

To add about my experience: I was suicidal. (This is 10 years ago and it's painful to recall.) I told her how I felt - that it might be better if the baby and I just weren't here. She sounded shocked and annoyed, and said 'you don't mean that!' And told me to go to the GP for something to help me calm down. It was a desolate experience. I know what the GP is for. But I'm not sure I know what the Samaritans are for.

Really shocked at some experiences on here

Oh and one time when I felt like I couldn't breathe, that lady was great....I think that was the same phone call with not being able to leave the house....I do imagine it's maybe better for anxiety than depression.

@Edgeoftheledge

Really shocked at some experiences on here

Same here... Never phoned them, but probably depends on who you get. Like any service or helpline.

I've phoned then a few times over the years when events have been overwhelming and I felt I was sinking. Only once or twice did I feel listened to and supported which obviously helped.

Other times the experiences were awful: told to get a cup of tea, go to the GP, join a club, do some volunteering etc etc. If only it was that easy. One chap a long time ago was nothing short of very unpleasant. The last time I rang the bloke talked over me constantly, and was patronising. It does make you feel foolish for phoning. I won't ever do it again either.

I'm sure they mean well but I think it too often makes people feels worse than they started which is a poor situation for those in crisis.

@OwningAllMyMistakes glad you are feeling better. I'm sorry you were offended.

Yeah I've always done whatever I can for myself first, too, but our crisis team seems to have nothing beyond the basics to offer. Not that tea, baths and the like are really relevant for the problems I have anyway.

I did once get one awesome older nurse on the phone, who talked to me for ages using exotic things like empathy and experience, which actually helped, rather than just offering manualised quick-fix coping strategies that do nothing for me.

It also depends on the person you speak to. I have seen clinical psychologists who are utterly crap and made me feel terrible. After being in an armed robbery hostage situation as a teen, the trauma psychologist who I was sent to see told me that I’m lucky I didn’t get raped or killed. That really made me feel great. 😫

So overall, I think this thread shows that they can be helpful but can also make things worse so its wise to only recommend them for trivial problems? Mnhq love a samaritans recommendation.

oakleafy agree. The lovely Steve Wright, who is on Radio 2 at the moment, had a show years ago either on Radio One or 2. I seem to remember he had a "posse" and they would laugh in all the right places for him. It was in the days when he had Gervais the hairdresser on, and Mr Angry from Purley if anyone is old enough to remember.

Anyway, I remember a caller ringing in one day. Even his voice just sounded vulnerable. He told Wright that he had moved to London and, trying to play it down he said "but it can be a lonely place .." and Wrighty's reply was "well, yes, but that depends on your personality .." full of sarcasm.
Of course he got the laughs but I just remember thinking that being made a fool of like that could have spelled the end for that guy if he was already low.

What a prick Steve Wright is. Sorry to interrupt your thread OP.

I know exactly how you feel. I know they have to ckeck if you have real life support, but why does the way they broach it feel so upsetting?

I called the samaritans a couple of times and felt as you do. I won't ever contact them again.

I found out that where I live there is a drop-in centre. I got in a taxi, got dropped off but couldn't find the building so rang the phone number for this location. After almost 2 hours of phoning and it being forwarded to various other regional centres I got in another taxi, went home and called the NHS helpline. They sent an ambulance; the paramedics asked why hadn't I phoned the samaritans. I told them what had happened (had to prove it by showing my call history and maps location!!). I was taken to A&E for an emergency and psych appt and the first thing they asked after finding I was suicidal was if I had called the samaritans.

Getting help is nigh on impossible.

I really feel for you OP. If I felt more in control I'd offer to call you, but we could both end up feeling worse if we couldn't help each other. Gentle hugs xxx

Just to be clear @Maybesomethingmaybenothing there is nothing inappropriate about a volunteer / caseworker etc mentioning that's what they do. They mustn't discuss anything about their cases, they need to keep full confidentiality, but just mentioning "I volunteer for xyz charity" is OK.

@Rummikub

I’ve found them hit and miss. One man tried to meet me when I was feeling my most vulnerable.

Could it not be that he was trying to get your whereabouts to pass on to 911 if he thought you were going to do something drastic?

I've never used them, but a mate who did has a terrible experience.

Totally agree. I phoned once because I needed someone to talk to. They listened but there was no conversation. It was horrible. I came off the call feeling even worse

One bad experience doesn't make the entire organisation bad or useless.
When severely mentally unwell, I used them many times and they were nothing short of amazing.

@Staffy1
No definitely not. As he talked about what I would wear and about ‘taking me out’