to think that the effect on children's mental health is exaggerated?

[SmudgeButt]

Look I have no doubt that lots of kids are missing their friends, school, grandparents. And all of these things will effect their development and mental health. But is it really that bad a situation compared to other things in the past?? Or is it just that we talk about it a whole nauseatingly more?

I'm thinking that the current situation isn't a patch on the effect of living in a country that's at war - thinking back to WW2 and the effect of being suddenly shipped off to strangers in the countryside or even to a different country. Thinking of those children in Europe who suddenly had to fend for themselves in Jewish ghettos or concentration camps.

People that survived (yes a lot didn't as they were murdered) no doubt had lifetime impacts but so many of their children say "dad was always cheerful, never talked about what happened".

AIBU to think that in a few years kids of today will say "wow, that was weird and I'm glad it's over, now let's get one with life" ?

@CountessFrog

I did all that stuff, yes.

I went to the range and bought all manner of crap art supplies. I bought an ice cream maker, panini maker, you name it.

Funnily enough, it hasn’t been enough for my kids not to have suffered. There’s only so many pebbles a teenager will paint.

More pressingly, what ARE you all doing about the nuclear war scenario? I’m hoping to avert any decline in my children’s mental health with the purchase of a Spirograph and pasta attachment for my kitchen aid.

See, clever.

Your asinine response aside, I couldn't give a F about a NW. I'm more concerned about a power outage in winter, or an issue with the water supply. Hope your kids like the Spirograph. Might get one for mine, but I'll wait until they start drawing on the walls before I splurge. ATM they are still enamoured with their own Kindle, so WAY too much screen time, but we have a pandemic to get through, and there are no teachers to complain about it.

I discussed this with DH the other day. Some people lived with two world wars, the great depression, Spanish Flu in the space 25 years. Would have been a very turbulent time to live through all that as a young person. I'm pretty sure many of them weren't fine and didn't just get on with it then either. However this could well be the start of a similar period of turbulence. We can't really judge how people coped until it is over.

The novelty of the Spirograph wore thin after half a day.

Love the word ‘asinine.’

I'm just wondering. What if you have difficulty with the English language? Could that make it hard to 'read the room'? I just don't assume that everybody else has the same resources as me - that includes culture, language, intellect, time, money, community support, basic bloody know how. That doesn't make me better, it doesn't make me worse, it means we have different resources upon which to draw.

@CountessFrog

The novelty of the Spirograph wore thin after half a day.

Love the word ‘asinine.’

Have they started flicking them at the walls yet?

No! Should I expect this?!

Lol. Only if yours are as insane as mine. At least they're being inventive and laughing their asses off, even if it does drive me up the walls.

At the moment mine are going through a noisy phase. Everything everywhere. I have to hide the pencils and let them ask for them, or I'll end up losing my deposit when we move.

Funny!

My dog is batshit, but thankfully I haven’t given him the Spirograph!

That's another thing people can consider. Thinking of getting DCs c cat. Need one that's not highly strung and need the kids to calm the F down if they want one. But think having something else for them to care about might help. Does your dog keep the kids sane?

Actually yes. He’s not quite two years old (hence batshit) but he’s good therapy, calming I suppose.

He’s also a nice thing for us all to focus on.

I wasn’t alive in WW2 so can’t speak from experience. I have come across several patients (A&E mental health) who were though, and whose ED attendance was precipitated by lockdown. They’ve all likened lockdown to the war, and in their eyes there were huge similarities.

@CountessFrog

Actually yes. He’s not quite two years old (hence batshit) but he’s good therapy, calming I suppose.

He’s also a nice thing for us all to focus on.

That's what I'm hoping for with a cat. Let's hope.

@Howmanysleepsnow

I wasn’t alive in WW2 so can’t speak from experience. I have come across several patients (A&E mental health) who were though, and whose ED attendance was precipitated by lockdown. They’ve all likened lockdown to the war, and in their eyes there were huge similarities.

Been in lockdown before as a kid. 5yo. Don't remember much. Remember us all moving into one room to allow various refugee families to stay with us temporarily before being shipped off to refugee camps, and living on food parcels, and eventually being moved back to the UK ourselves via the refugee centres. Leaving everything except what we could carry, and Dad having to stay.

Our friends have a gorgeous cuddly cat. I have often been slightly regretful that we got a dog rather than a cat!

Let me know if it has kittens. They can post us one. Can't find anyone around here that grows them, and I don't want to ask my local takeaway who their dealer is.

Why is everyone talking about WW2? Plenty of people in the world have experienced war and other traumatic experiences. One of my friends at uni was a refugee from Bosnia, he’s in his 30s.

Even now there are countries dealing with Covid and civil war/conflict/political unrest like Lebanon, Burma, etc.

Children are affected by these school closures but in my experience with people who have been through far worse, I think British children will largely recover from the 4-6 months total they missed of school.

👍😂 elli

Whilst I certainly don't wish the current situation on anybody, perhaps it will give some perspective to today's generation who seem obsessed with 'microaggressions' and other such nonsense.

I have teenager sons and they are impacted. They are obsessed with sport and very sociable. They hate this. Their main loves - rugby football and hanging out with their mates - have disappeared from their lives and noone can tell them how long for. They are worried about their exams and their futures. I think they are pretty resilient. I think I am trying as hard as I can to make this the best that it can be but I work full time and with the best will in the world I cant be the things they want. A walk with me is a poor substitute for a game of rugby. This lockdown has affected me more badly I feel demotivated and depressed. It is affecting them too.
I hate the way that this post and ones like it are used by people to imply that their children are ok because they are superior parents. People are different and have different home circumstances and so will be affected differently but affected they will be.

I seem to remember a similar post a few months back talking about adults exaggerating their mental health lockdown 'woes' being removed pronto by mumsnet for being inappropriate and insensitive. Speaks volumes about our society that we don't afford children the same respect or protections. Families are being forced to live maladaptively and for developing children there are going to be consequenes. It's ok to spout on about the thousand and one Swallows and Amazons activities you've been doing with your kids but over involvement is just as damaging as emotional unavailability. Nor is this about resources, food etc Of course children need those things but they also need social connection; we all do, we are wired to connect, to bond, through promximity, touch etc this cannot be replaced by Zoom or Whatapp. Teenagers need their peers to individuate from their parents not to remain attached to them. All human beings need to be socially connected to access their resources; when we are stressed our primary drive is surviving not thriving. As for WW2, what right did they have to feel distressed or traumatised? Wasn't there an even worse war 20 years previously? At what point along the historical continuum does it become acceptable to feel suffering and pain? Look OP, next time you face suffering in your life I hope you remember to take your own advice and acknowledge how inconsequential your feelings are in the big scheme of things, that should perk you up. I so can't wait for this generation of children to come of age and find their voice and I shall be up there reminding them of comments like yours and others who share your cold, discompassionate views.

@CHIRIBAYA

I seem to remember a similar post a few months back talking about adults exaggerating their mental health lockdown 'woes' being removed pronto by mumsnet for being inappropriate and insensitive. Speaks volumes about our society that we don't afford children the same respect or protections. Families are being forced to live maladaptively and for developing children there are going to be consequenes. It's ok to spout on about the thousand and one Swallows and Amazons activities you've been doing with your kids but over involvement is just as damaging as emotional unavailability. Nor is this about resources, food etc Of course children need those things but they also need social connection; we all do, we are wired to connect, to bond, through promximity, touch etc this cannot be replaced by Zoom or Whatapp. Teenagers need their peers to individuate from their parents not to remain attached to them. All human beings need to be socially connected to access their resources; when we are stressed our primary drive is surviving not thriving. As for WW2, what right did they have to feel distressed or traumatised? Wasn't there an even worse war 20 years previously? At what point along the historical continuum does it become acceptable to feel suffering and pain? Look OP, next time you face suffering in your life I hope you remember to take your own advice and acknowledge how inconsequential your feelings are in the big scheme of things, that should perk you up. I so can't wait for this generation of children to come of age and find their voice and I shall be up there reminding them of comments like yours and others who share your cold, discompassionate views.

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

Comparisons to previous times are unhelpful, because we can’t compare like with like fairly at all.

The wars were obviously far worse than Covid, and those who lived through the blitz, served as soldiers, were refugees or lost loved ones would have suffered hugely from depression, PTSD and suicide later on. People used to say “he had a hard war”, and that was that.

Nowadays we’re more open about mental health issues, so people are trying to prevent a potential problem developing amongst young people- this is a good thing.

I do think how parents view and talk about the pandemic has a big effect at home though. Are you a glass half full sort of person, or anxious and nervy? That will make the biggest difference to how much your children worry. But some things can’t be controlled - eg how long a school is shut for, when kids can socialise and whether or not they get to sit exams.

I don’t think telling children it’s all dreadful and that you’re worried helps, but just minimising the problem and saying “it’s not as bad as WW2” isn’t the right course of action either. As usual with all these things, the common sense path is usually the right one.

While there are definitely some children who will be suffering, there will be others who have much better mental health because they are being kept away from the place they are bullied and abused by their peers.

I wish I'd had a period of lockdown when I was of school age - pretty much any time between 4 and 16, I'd have loved the opportunity to get away from the children who made my life hell and the teachers who didn't care. For me, home was safe, and school was dangerous (I was nearly killed twice by bullies).

I know there are other people where the opposite is true - they are actually safer in school than at home - but for balance, I think the positives of lockdown need to be recognised too.

@TakeTheCuntOutOfScunthorpe

While there are definitely some children who will be suffering, there will be others who have much better mental health because they are being kept away from the place they are bullied and abused by their peers.

I wish I'd had a period of lockdown when I was of school age - pretty much any time between 4 and 16, I'd have loved the opportunity to get away from the children who made my life hell and the teachers who didn't care. For me, home was safe, and school was dangerous (I was nearly killed twice by bullies).

I know there are other people where the opposite is true - they are actually safer in school than at home - but for balance, I think the positives of lockdown need to be recognised too.

I'm very sorry to hear of your terrible experiences. They are a separate issue though. The answer to children not being safe at school isn't to lock the schools down. For the vast majority, school is beneficial on all levels.