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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that the effect on children's mental health is exaggerated?

614 replies

SmudgeButt · 30/01/2021 13:17

Look I have no doubt that lots of kids are missing their friends, school, grandparents. And all of these things will effect their development and mental health. But is it really that bad a situation compared to other things in the past?? Or is it just that we talk about it a whole nauseatingly more?

I'm thinking that the current situation isn't a patch on the effect of living in a country that's at war - thinking back to WW2 and the effect of being suddenly shipped off to strangers in the countryside or even to a different country. Thinking of those children in Europe who suddenly had to fend for themselves in Jewish ghettos or concentration camps.

People that survived (yes a lot didn't as they were murdered) no doubt had lifetime impacts but so many of their children say "dad was always cheerful, never talked about what happened".

AIBU to think that in a few years kids of today will say "wow, that was weird and I'm glad it's over, now let's get one with life" ?

OP posts:
IDontMindMarmite · 30/01/2021 13:19

There's been more deaths than ww2 and ww1 combined so let's not underestimate the fear we are living in.

TheSmallAssassin · 30/01/2021 13:20

Does anyone ever feel better, or suffer less, because someone else had it worse?

Did you ever think that there might be a reason that "Dad never talked about what had happened"?

Mang0Mel0n · 30/01/2021 13:20

Wow what an unpleasant thread.

TheKeatingFive · 30/01/2021 13:21

Nope definitely not.

I’m sure the children of WW2 had significant mental health issues, they just weren’t talked about much.

In any case, this situation is very different. I find the constant comparisons bizarre and unhelpful.

TeenPlusTwenties · 30/01/2021 13:21

In all the other situations, children could still play with their friends.

Some children will bounce back fine.

My teen DD is a shadow of her former self.

Flatcokeisnojoke · 30/01/2021 13:21

How can we think back to WW2 when we did not experience it?

Why compare anything to WW2?

Why can things only be bad enough to complain about if they are worse than WW2?

Are you tired of people complaining whilst you are alright (Jack) ?

DrManhattan · 30/01/2021 13:23

Yes there is always someone worse off than you, but does that make you feel any better?
No not really.

ComDummings · 30/01/2021 13:23

@Flatcokeisnojoke

How can we think back to WW2 when we did not experience it?

Why compare anything to WW2?

Why can things only be bad enough to complain about if they are worse than WW2?

Are you tired of people complaining whilst you are alright (Jack) ?

This ^
Fastedbrownie · 30/01/2021 13:24

I think there needs to be some understanding that suffering is subjective to normal circumstance. Are kids objectively ',suffering' as they did in the 1940's? God no, but are they suffering in relation to the lifestyle they're accustomed too? Arguably.

Coyoacan · 30/01/2021 13:24

Does anyone ever feel better, or suffer less, because someone else had it worse?

This

Across history some people have had incredibly hard things to deal with, so there will always be someone who had it worse.

ThePlantsitter · 30/01/2021 13:25

A couple of things. First off its not just current mental health when you're talking about children, because it's about development as well and how that will affect the adults they'll become and, as a consequence, society as a whole.

Secondly there's absolutely no doubt whatsoever that being sent off to live with strangers or having to fend for oneself in a concentration camp is much worse than missing school/friends/socialisation for a year but I very much doubt the people who suffered such things ended up perfectly balanced adults with no issues. Even my mum whose dad fought in ww2 said that he was full of suppressed rage and never spoke about his experiences. I say 'even' because that is not an unusual situation for people of that generation.

I really don't think talking about mental health makes mental health worse and there is absolute evidence that not talking about it does.

MissMarpleDarling · 30/01/2021 13:25

Mine are personally loving it and want to be home schooled forever. That may change as the time goes on but they are happy for now.

FluffyPJs · 30/01/2021 13:27

You should google ACEs - adverse childhood experiences - and see how traumatic events in childhood have an impact on their future mental and physical health. Everyone says children are so resilient and they bounce back so well, but actually research shows they don't, they just mask it very well. This is why schools are focusing so much on the pupils mental well being and emotional health at the moment

AiryFairyMum · 30/01/2021 13:28

It's easy to look back with rose-tinted spectacles and think that everything pre-covid was better. But a lot of mental health problems were actually worse when we were all out, rushing around and with infinite choice. The current restrictions arent necessarily worse, they just throw up different issues, which impact some people worse than others.

Fastedbrownie · 30/01/2021 13:29

@Fastedbrownie

I think there needs to be some understanding that suffering is subjective to normal circumstance. Are kids objectively ',suffering' as they did in the 1940's? God no, but are they suffering in relation to the lifestyle they're accustomed too? Arguably.
For example, a child born into indebted servitude who finds themself in the service of a nice 'master' who gives them a warm bed, new shoes, two meals a day, and one afternoon off a week will (wrongly) believe themselves to be living a life of luxary. Take a child from a middle class family in London and put them in the same situation and it would be akin torture. Suffering is subjective.
Tiquismiquis · 30/01/2021 13:31

Yes it does annoy me when people say the trite children are resilient. They aren’t really and many are damaged during their formative years.

Chaby · 30/01/2021 13:32

All of the children I know, including my own, are showing signs of distress and trauma. This is a very scary and stressful time for them to live through. I don’t underestimate the long term impact this will have on many of them.

CarolEffingBaskin · 30/01/2021 13:33

I'd rather be raising my child through WW2 than this to, frankly. Whilst I can imagine the stress on women was inconceivable, the fact that schools remained open, food existed and there was more than plenty to actually do in WW2 means that it was in all likelihood far easier to create an illusion of some normality for children than it is right now. It seems like it would have been, for me, easier to be a mother then than through this to be quite blunt.

insideoutsider · 30/01/2021 13:40

It is stressful for kids but people in other parts of the world are going through far more traumatic and devastating lives and events.

Yes, we mustn't compare traumas but children being made to stay at home safely with their families and not go out and play with their friends wouldn't normally be classed as traumatic. Especially with all the other communication methods they tend to use. I'm talking generally now, not about kids that are being abused at home.

infinitediamonds · 30/01/2021 13:42

Yes it is as bad as people are saying. All mental health services are seeing increased referrals and increased seriousness of referrals. Many organisations have said so publicly. Why don't you believe them?

In terms of historical suffering, in the Victorian period all my immediate family would be dead by now - me and my first child in childbirth as I needed an emergency c-section, my husband from appendicitis. Thats before you consider that statistically its unlikely we would have made it to adulthood anyway because of infectious diseases among the poor. That knowledge absolutely did not make my experience of childbirth and poor after care in hospital less scary.

Cocoaone · 30/01/2021 13:42

Mine is doing fine. BUT, we are coming from a background of extreme privilege - me and DH are still working (me from home), our jobs aren't at risk, we have all the electronics and resources to home school and entertain properly. We don't have any loved ones who have died due to Covid. We are a fairly introverted family of home bodies, so this situation isn't too dissimilar to normal life!

I can see how this is torturous for some children and adults. If I lived alone and was in my early 20s, I think I'd be going out of my mind!
With regards to children, I think the impact will greatly differ based on personality, underlying resilience, home situation, school situation, age, siblings etc etc etc. There's no one size fits all. Let's just hope there is support for those who need it, when they need it (unlikely given the state of mental health services)

Bluntasduck · 30/01/2021 13:43

Shut the fuck up about the war.

Wigglefish123 · 30/01/2021 13:43

@IDontMindMarmite

There's been more deaths than ww2 and ww1 combined so let's not underestimate the fear we are living in.
What a load of rubbish ......more or less 450,000 British people does in WW2 alone !
FATEdestiny · 30/01/2021 13:44

In terms of mental health, my tween and two teenagers are, I think healthier currently (in terms of mental health) than pre-covid.

Some low-level but incessant stresses in the lives of teens (and preteens)
â—‡ Peer pressure and the pressure to fit in and not be ostracized
â—‡ The drama and stress of playground friendship issues
â—‡ The sofening of "school rules" (like tuck your shirt in, sent out of class for talking when the teacher does, detention for running in the corredor etc)

have all been either dramatically slowed down or gone completely.

Dnadoon · 30/01/2021 13:48

It wasn't illegal to play with your cousins in the war!

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