to think that the effect on children's mental health is exaggerated?

[SmudgeButt]

Look I have no doubt that lots of kids are missing their friends, school, grandparents. And all of these things will effect their development and mental health. But is it really that bad a situation compared to other things in the past?? Or is it just that we talk about it a whole nauseatingly more?

I'm thinking that the current situation isn't a patch on the effect of living in a country that's at war - thinking back to WW2 and the effect of being suddenly shipped off to strangers in the countryside or even to a different country. Thinking of those children in Europe who suddenly had to fend for themselves in Jewish ghettos or concentration camps.

People that survived (yes a lot didn't as they were murdered) no doubt had lifetime impacts but so many of their children say "dad was always cheerful, never talked about what happened".

AIBU to think that in a few years kids of today will say "wow, that was weird and I'm glad it's over, now let's get one with life" ?

@Iknowwhatudidlastsummer

I think if you are really bothered about the negative effects on your children you do SOMETHING about it. You don't waste your days whining about it.

Ideas? I'm all ears.

Soooo those stuck in cramped housing with no local green space, worries and struggles outside of the pandemic, job instability, job stresses, limited money,kids with nothing to work for, limited education to support their kids with, poor mental health, difficult life events...... do tell how they simply do something about it.

I totally agree @AiryFairyMum
But a lot of mental health problems were actually worse when we were all out, rushing around and with infinite choice

My kids are annoyed they can't see their friends and enjoy going to the mall with them, they are easily bored and they wished they could just be 'normal' but the list of positives are endless for us - no long travel into school, getting picked on by certain teachers, being told their hair isn't neat enough, the bullying (oh the bullying)... Now, they can just 'grow' somehow.

They can go for walks, they can be creative, they aren't tired and moody, they are accepted and loved. It's not ideal. There's nothing good about being stuck at home. But it's like we've given them a break.

I think people are a lot more aware of mental health now, and love using buzzwords to over-diagnose what are normal feelings in an attempt to somehow legitimise them.

"My child has developed extreme anxiety" - they are worried

"My child has become socially isolated" - they miss their friends

"My child is depressed" - they are bored

All normal feelings to have during a pandemic when they're stuck at home, but very unlikely to cause the kind of lasting damage a lot of people on Mumsnet are predicting.

ThePlantsitter
It's your kids, you know your are, their age, their interests and what they normally would do.

It's not your 10 year old (for example) job to find distraction for the family, it's yours, that's my point.

Yes, I’m all ears too !!!!!!
Can we magic up some social contact ?? Somewhere to go ????? Change of scenery ??????
Peer contact ????
Umm.... ok, next bright idea please !

What a foul thread
So much for all the "mental health matters as much as physical health" stuff that was paraded around a couple of years ago
Didn't take long for that to be forgotten
Or maybe this is just a thread full of unpleasant goady cunts

@Iknowwhatudidlastsummer

I think if you are really bothered about the negative effects on your children you do SOMETHING about it. You don't waste your days whining about it.

What can we do? Any ideas would be welcome.

What about those children who are stuck at home with abusive parents where the abuse would have been noticed by a school teacher? Kids with undiagnosed SEN?

@IDontMindMarmite

There's been more deaths than ww2 and ww1 combined so let's not underestimate the fear we are living in.

That's not true! What are you on about.

Psychologically, and developmentally, social relationships and belonging are sooooooo important.

In most adverse situations, people support each other through it and process and heal from the experience together.

Trauma is pain/suffering that goes unwitnessed and unacknowledged.

Children are so isolated right now.

I think there will be quite a fallout frim this for a few years.

@Iknowwhatudidlastsummer

ThePlantsitter It's your kids, you know your are, their age, their interests and what they normally would do.

It's not your 10 year old (for example) job to find distraction for the family, it's yours, that's my point.

Yes. I do know them. I'm also trying my very hardest to keep them engaged with learning, contact their friends in the way that's allowed, go out for a walk with me every day, thinking of activities and doing jazz hands about them, all while trying to do enough work to keep my job. It is getting harder and harder to keep them motivated and help them stay away from the edge of the abyss of morose.

I know very well I'm not the only one doing this or the only one observing this slow slide into depression. That is what everyone is talking about. Stop with your holier than thou nonsense.

I'd rather be raising my child through WW2 than this to, frankly.

^

Go read a history book. Absolutely dispicable comment.

YANBU. Especially for the people who were exposed to the deaths in WW2, when they actually happened in front of them, so to speak, buildings in rubble, bodies on streets, having to sleep in the underground train platforms during air raids. And the food shortages and rationing must have been particularly hard on children. Or the children that's were sent across the country to stay with strangers for indefinite periods of time.

@Wearywithteens

1AngelicFruitCake - I agree, I do think parents have a part to play in helping their children emotionally manage what is an isolating experience but it doesn’t necessarily have to be a ‘traumatic’ one (I’m not talking about families where there is dv, addiction, abuse etc).

My dad lived through the blitz and as a child experienced bombs dropping, bombed out houses and knowing that his class mates had died in the bombings. I really do think of his childhood (and he talks fondly of it) when people talk about the suffering of kids stuck at home doing PE with Joe Wicks and not able to play out. I think of those children in Syria being bombed and starved. I think of children all over the world who have nothing. Yes it’s shit in the UK but it could be a lot worse.

Most kids were fine when the first lockdown ended and they went back to school with their friends. That’s how you know that the majority have ok mental health. They bounced back, they coped, got straight back to it and didn’t look back. We’ve just got to make sure we give them hope and muddle through as best we can until they can be back again.

Thank you and your Dad sounds wonderful!

Yes there will be job loss, bereavement and abuse that I can’t imagine make the lockdown so unbearable.

Yet the people I hear moaning the loudest have suffered none of those. They need their ‘me’ time because they’ve become used to it, are used to drinking a coffee whilst looking at their phone at a play centre then smugly talking about they love family time, happily pay lots to take their child to some expensive attraction and talk about making memories. The boredom, repetition, selflessness that this lockdown requires to be a good parent is woefully lacking in many people I know who have been accustomed to parenting with lots of luxuries to make it bearable. The truth is that it is the parents who can make it or break it for a lot of children and (not including genuine problems) a lot of parents these days are spoilt, entitled and self indulgent and this back to basics parenting is something that many parents are unwilling to throw themselves into properly.

Tbh - yes past children had it worse but at the same time I have a very lonely and sad 8 year old at home who needs other children. Zoom school helps a bit. My heart breaks for him I worry for his future but at the same time I know all I can do is try and help whilst doing everything else too

The situation is different for different families.

Some children will have parents who give them attention, love, activities, healthy food and routine and these children will likely be fine

Other children may be living in extreme poverty, cramped flats, have very stressed parents who are working full time, no routine, there could be abuse and neglect- these children will almost certainly be worse off and mental health will be affected.

I am in no way saying that all parents who work full time and who are stressed are adversely affecting their children by the way, it's just an example of how some circumstances could lead to poor mental health!

My 11 and 13 year are old are fine with it.
They love all this dossing about out of school, they stay in touch with friends online with video calls, they’re committed to their online learning, we are closer emotionally as a family, there’s been no fraught family arguments really, we’re a relatively chilled household, but I was told off for being ‘smug’ on another post about this
Yet there are several posters here saying the same...

The only difference we noticed in first lockdown was teenage daughter’s sleep habits reversed, she stayed up too late, slept in too late, and that made her more withdrawn, so we knocked that on the head and reverted to usual school time routine.

Threads like this can never be conclusive as opinion will divide. Some parents struggle, some relish the challenge, some just mooch along as normal.

I think our life experiences have meant that my kids have developed a great deal of resilience and self reliance. We're also used to relying on our family unit a great deal, we're very close-knit.

They're still finding it frustrating, tedious, anxiety inducing and infuriating, which are perfectly rational, normal and understandable responses, in either children or adults.

Some days are easier than others for them - just like adults. Also, resilience isn't finite, it can be worn down to nothing, given long enough. And this has been going quite a long time!

We encourage them to talk to us about how they're feeling, we try to find positives and treats for ourselves and each other, we encourage them to feel okay to express distress or anger, or frustration. We tell each other, that yes, this is shit, this has been shit for a long time, but no shit storm lasts for ever, and at some stage, the stench of this one will also become a memory.

I'm more and more convinced that Mumsnet is no longer a forum for parents to support other parents through tough times. This thread is another shocking example.

I'm sick of the comparison with WW2. I have a feeling quite a significant number of evacuees suffered for years afterwards but it wasn't talked about. Women suffered with "nerves" instead.

The current lockdown is barbaric. Do any of the "alright Jack" brigade honestly believe that this time last year they would have agreed to locking their children indoors, made them stare at a screen for 8 hours a day and only allow them out for one walk a day for their own protection. It's causing untold harm. A year is a huge proportion of their lives.

My fil lived through the war and was evacuated. He saw no war horrors and due to no tv or WWW was not bombarded with continuous doom about the war. He went to school and played with his friends.He had very happy memories of his wartime childhood and did not experience the mental health misery my dc are going through.

I’d rather be raising my children then frankly.

It's MN. Any suggestion will be welcome with a

-my kid broke his leg and can't do xyz
-there's a high weather alert here and we are not allowed to leave the house-
-I live on the circular in London and can't leave the house without a car and my car has broken down
-it's raining

It's your responsibility as a parent to help your own kids, if you prefer entertaining yourself on MN it's your right, but don't complain about your kids, that's all

This thread smacks of the toxic "so and so had it worse!" Mentality.

My dd is unrecognisable from the person she was pre pandemic, and we've not had it "hard" ... jobs kept, she's been in school, etc.

My confident, happy child is replaced by anxious, highly strung, having panic attacks and insomnia... my heart is broken.

I'm more and more convinced that Mumsnet is no longer a forum for parents to support other parents through tough times. This thread is another shocking example.

I agree. There is a lot of barely disguised hatred for parents (I want to say mothers because that's really what it's about) on this thread.

There are so many people that were damaged by war time, though. For every person who seemed 'fine' there's somebody else who drank themself into an early grave or became a hoarder. Let's not pretend people weren't damaged irreparably by ww2.
In fact the great advances in our welfare state were to mitigate some of the effects.
Of course a lot of those people are dead and gone, and those that remain often refuse to talk about it (trauma), have dementia, or have reframed it through the lens of time as a time of grit and togetherness and 'wartime spirit' because they have forgotten the fear. They have become desensitised.

Plenty of Holocaust survivors were shells of their former selves, had nervous breakdowns or committed suicide. Most of the others wouldn't speak of it (or only bits of it). Let's not pretend that any of them are 'alright jack'