to think that the effect on children's mental health is exaggerated?

[SmudgeButt]

Look I have no doubt that lots of kids are missing their friends, school, grandparents. And all of these things will effect their development and mental health. But is it really that bad a situation compared to other things in the past?? Or is it just that we talk about it a whole nauseatingly more?

I'm thinking that the current situation isn't a patch on the effect of living in a country that's at war - thinking back to WW2 and the effect of being suddenly shipped off to strangers in the countryside or even to a different country. Thinking of those children in Europe who suddenly had to fend for themselves in Jewish ghettos or concentration camps.

People that survived (yes a lot didn't as they were murdered) no doubt had lifetime impacts but so many of their children say "dad was always cheerful, never talked about what happened".

AIBU to think that in a few years kids of today will say "wow, that was weird and I'm glad it's over, now let's get one with life" ?

If you drown in an inch of water, or drown in an ocean of water, it’s the same outcome. Loneliness, loss of loved ones, lack of social interaction they all generate feelings of despair. Feelings are universal whatever the cause is. Comparing causes is kinda insulting. If someone feels a certain way you can’t say to them “other people had it worse”.

The worst are parents moaning about toddlers missing out on their childhood and having their mental health in tatters because the kids playgroups are closed

Be a parent. Your toddler doesn't play with kids at that age and doesn't miss something they have never known. Don't plonk them in front of the tv all day instead, or suffocate them with manic crafts and activities!

I agree with you OP.

Every child I've ever known (including me) would jump at the chance of staying at home instead of having to go to school.

How am I supposed to help my baby get over the worst of his separation anxiety and get used to going different places if he's not allowed to be with anyone else or go anywhere? I'm not working so can't claim I need the childcare. Developmentally this is lockdown terrible for the smallest members of society, especially the ones with no older siblings. We use Zoom so he knows he's not the only baby in the world but it is really bizarre the way these lockdown babies are growing up.

@IDontMindMarmite

There's been more deaths than ww2 and ww1 combined so let's not underestimate the fear we are living in.

What on earth??? A minimum of 6 million died in the Holocaust alone!!

As a parent who has had extensive contact with various medical professionals, education professionals and Camhs for over a decade the cognitive dissonance is hard to comprehend.

When my SN DC were suffering extreme anxiety, unable to access education for years etc the professional advise was to minimise it - don't pursue diagnosis, don't 'label' - DC are resilient, DC will use it as an excuse, eduction is not that important, don't really need to be in school etc. Huge waiting lists for Camhs. Hence parents giving up jobs/careers to become carers, tribunal appeals JR etc to get the bare minimum.

It's great that media are now saying that education, socialisation and mental health are important but that won't solve the funding crisis that underpinned access to support pre-pandemic. Unless they are not actually including DC who were already struggling to get adequate support and a simplistic solution of reopening schools will remove problems. Apart from those DC that had problems prepandemic.

Then it's just back to the old mantra. Education, socialisation, mental health are only important in a pandemic at an epidemiological and not a personal level.

@PinkPlantCase

Some great points have already been made on this thread.

Also remember that lots of family will have very different lockdown experiences. Some may be shielding, some may be ill, some may have parents trying to work outside the home, some may have parents who wfh, some may have parents who have lost their jobs, some may have sahp, some may have lost family members, some may have parents who are very depressed or anxious, some may still get outside everyday, some may have a strict home school schedule, some may have no education for months.

The inequalities that will emerge from this will be huge. Some kids will bounce back and some will really struggle. Either way the long term impact on children develop and their mental health won’t be known for a long time.

The fact we talk about mental health now is so important. Of course people had poor mental health after WW2, it just wasn’t talked about.

What a sensible post

@Mang0Mel0n

I hope people aren’t taking their kids out for longer than an hour a day, they’re not supposed to be.

Where do you live? In England there is no restriction on outdoor excerise. Sorry to hear there is where you live. That must be very hard.

@IDontMindMarmite

There's been more deaths than ww2 and ww1 combined so let's not underestimate the fear we are living in.

Err, no ... not even close!

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.bbc.co.uk/news/amp/explainers-52530518

@MagicalKingdom

My 15 year old sister took a massive paracetamol overdose a few weeks back. On the outside, everything was fine with her and she lives with very supportive parents and siblings. This pandemic is having a massive effect on young people and there is in no way comparable to lives in WW1 and 2. Have you spoken to people who were children in this era and understand how they felt at this time? Or just because they “survived” they were ok? My sister survived (by the skin of her teeth), so that means she is fine and dealing with it ok?

My heart goes out to you and your family x

It's underestimated if anything. I work closely with childrens services (can't say specifics as outing) and its looking like the next 5 years will be spent trying to fix what has gone awry from lock downs.
Lack of education, social interaction, school meals, child protection, safeguarding, fresh air, exercise. An increase in isolation, domestic abuse, social media use.
The impact from this is way more catastrophic than many people can imagine.
If you don't believe this then be grateful that you / your children are probably fairly privileged.

You aren't unreasonable at all. DS8 is an only child and he is clearly craving interaction with other children. But you know what, he'll be fine. Absolutely fine. He's happy every day and I'd bet my house that when he looks back on this time from the future he'll mostly remember having had a nice, if sometimes lonely, time. And that's even with me having had "long Covid" all through the first lockdown.

Yes there are children who this is devastating for. Children who's home lives and/or disabilities meant that the loss of school and routine is absolutely awful for. But conversely there are also kids who have an awful time in school due to bad teachers, bullies or damaging peer pressure and are actually having a nice, healing time at home. Most kids are somewhere in the middle with loving homes, missing some parts of their lives, enjoying other things. And we're doing all this so hopefully there will be as few kids as possible grieving family members who have died due to Covid or lack of ability to receive care in an overwhelmed hospital.

@IDontMindMarmite More deaths that WW1 and 2 combined? There were 108,000 British deaths in one battle. Between 50-75 million deaths in WW2 alone. I hope you don't work for the ONS

As a mum of 2 autistic daughters with other needs, i respectively disagree! Lockdown has been really bad for them, especially my oldest

I know a lot of adults think that the impact on children and young people is a price worth paying.

I really don’t.

It depends what you are saying is exaggerated too. Do you mean that the mental health impact is exaggerated and children are fine? Do you mean that even though children have mental health issues due to the pandemic, that it doesn’t really matter and they will be fine?

Children should come first, that’s my opinion and it should have been non-negotiable. And this should have a firm end date and commitment to mobilise their lives back on track. People say that’s not possible, but there are many many countries who have not shut their schools and have prioritised their children. This is a choice we’ve made with no clear understanding of the possible impact.

It’s fascinating that so many parents seem so happy to take the risk on their child’s development. And knowingly.

My grandmother grew up between the ages of 3-7 in Siberian labour camps in WW2 and I can assure you, she isn’t normal. It has had intergenerational effects too as her four children all have severe emotional/relationship issues including my father, due to how they were raised.
But it depends on the child and the situation. But I suspect social media and children having constant unsupervised access to the internet and messaging has far worse mental health effects than a lockdown provided they have a good caring relationship with their parents. Looking at how mental health issues have gone through the roof since I left school (2008, right before anyone had smartphones) it’s hard to think of any logical cause - and I went to a hot house grammar school and don’t agree exams or pressure are any worse than they have been for years.

You aren't unreasonable at all. DS8 is an only child and he is clearly craving interaction with other children. But you know what, he'll be fine. Absolutely fine.

An 8 year old is craving interaction with other children for a reason - it is a fundamental part of his development. It may be nice to think he can develop the same at home with you, but that’s not what decades of research says is where children of that age develop. They do it with other children and peers.
You don’t really know what impact it is having on him not having the opportunity to interact. No psychological experiment has ever had the ethical approval to examine it.

I don’t think anyone is right or wrong here. The fact is some children will be enormously affected no matter how much effort their parents put in, there are lots of reasons a child might not cope that is nothing to do with how much effort a parent has put in.

But I also agree that in many situations especially young pre-school children, (not all, because some circumstances are more difficult than others), you can keep things a lot more normal than people think. We’ve been on the park in Baltic temperatures wrapped up through the month so our child came play on the swings and slides etc. I know it’s freezing but considering the park is rammed usually so there ARE a lot of children in its “catchment”, and there is very very little else to do outside the home, I would have thought we’d have seen other children playing, but it’s been completely empty apart from us.

It’s taking a LOT of effort to plan activities whilst also WFH - and I think that some parents really don’t want to take the time and effort. There are literally a million justifiable situations, be it lack of money, working long hours etc, why it’s not possible, but I know for a fact some people I am friends with could do more and aren’t.

You absolutely can’t tell which kids will have ongoing issues and which won’t.
There’s not an equation that says x trauma = x problem.
We’ve fostered many many children and you can never predict their MH based on what’s happened to them.
I’ve known kids come for a short pastoral stay and find it deeply disturbing and kids who have suffered unbelievable abuse who are able to bounce back.

We’re in the middle of a global pandemic which affects everything, how can anyone believe that won’t affect some kids?

I'd bet my house that when he looks back on this time from the future he'll mostly remember having had a nice, if sometimes lonely, time.

I find this a very contradictory thought

It’s weird that nearly every culture in existence believes it takes a village to raise a child - yet when that’s actually illegal, apparently it doesn’t matter any more.

Just like all the middle class busy bodies who’ve spent years banging on about screen time are now staying that hours of zoom is perfectly fine.

What I feel this lockdown has really shown up is how little parenting many parents do-they rely on other resources to meet educational, physical, social needs to the point that when these are removed, they are completely helpless and don't even see which boxes must be ticked whether they fancy it or not. Not getting dressed, not getting outside and going for a walk for days on end because no one fancies it, is terribly poor parenting and really neglectful. If this is how parents behave when the supports are taken away, maybe we need more parenting classes on what is necessary for a child to maintain good physical and emotional health.

Yes it takes a village but in such villages there would be times of hardship and illness...I don't think the phrase was really meant for snowflake parents complaining that the village isn't here to take their child out and they don't want to because it's a pain.

Fucking hate this stupid comparison.

Just because you've got 2 broken legs, does not mean that my one broken leg doesn't hurt!