In-laws have declined the vaccine... AIBU?

[HotGlueGun]

So my in-laws (early 70s) have declined to have the vaccine. They are in our childcare bubble and so we see them regularly. They also ask us to do their shopping. WIBU to a) stop doing their shopping for them and b) reduce/ stop their contact with the kids? I'm really cross about but appreciate that they have free will and it's their choice. But resent having to do shopping for them... it's like they are happy for us to be at risk and aren't prepared to take reasonable steps to reduce their vulnerability and eliminate the risk for themselves/ the wider community.

Sorry @HotGlueGun I’ve gone from exasperated to just plain out angry now. So let me get this correct, you are selfish enough to arse about with grandparents ( who happen to be anti vaxers) just because your Dh has to have two children all day!!! Ffs!!!
I assume your dh is physically and mentally able as he was holding down a job.

Sort out the situation - your husband is being weak pandering to his parents when MILLIONS of single parents are doing it!!

Would people here recommend bombarding people with information about abortions if they’d chosen not to have one?

Really, you need to stay out of people’s medical decisions. Tbh it’s not going to make any difference anyway.

I could see myself falling out with anyone who refuses to get the vaccine, tbh. It's not a petty thing, it's really huge.

they dont need to do childcare right now for you if youre dh is off work-sorry if he finds it difficult millions of others do too

your inlaws sound a bit tin foil hat-are they planning on ever going out or is that it now for them

I could see myself falling out with anyone who refuses to get the vaccine, tbh. It's not a petty thing, it's really huge.

I could see myself falling out with anyone who thinks they get to decide what goes in my body.

YANBU - they are making their decisions, that is fine. And so are you making your own decisions, that is fine too. You are protecting your dcs from their ridiculous unvaccinated selves.

Wonder if they know EXACTLY what is in paracetamol? Yet probably happy to have them

I would find this quite irritating. I would not necessarily change any of the arrangements but I would be talking to them about it and encouraging them to change their minds.
Anyway, regardless of vaccine it's quite a faff to do all their shopping. They can have their big shop delivered surely and perhaps you can just drop round extra bits if needed.

ASTUDYINPINK, it is not lecturing, to provide people who have no TV or internet with information about the vaccine that they do not possess.

I don’t think Op can ‘stay out if their healthcare decisions’ because they haven’t been able to make an informed choice.

If they had read and watched and understood and chosen not to be vaccinated, then fine. But they haven’t.

Op says they don’t have TV and internet because of cost and mistrust of them. Perhaps they are mistrustful about lots of things and that could easily make them susceptible to misinformation and distorted information. It is her and her husbands responsibility to help Ori decide them with more rounded information so they can make an informed choice.

Glad to hear a family member is sending over some information that can be printed and given to them. Their choice might still be the same, but at least they will have been able to make that informed choice.

And people across the country are going to face this....small numbers of people refusing the vaccine. It is worrying when this is because 5ey haven’t got information or misinformation. However, with all the info, some will still say no and that is their choice. And then they will also have to choose whether to go out or remain in after restrictions end, and often their families will ha e to consider how that impacts their interactions....and the family reaction will have to be a factor that feeds into non-vaccinator choice too.

@titchy

Did they vaccinate you for the usual childhood diseases out of interest?

I think her parents might have had something to say about that!

ASTUDYINPINK, it is not lecturing, to provide people who have no TV or internet with information about the vaccine that they do not possess.

It’s lecturing to talk about ‘educating’ adults who disagree with you.

I don’t think Op can ‘stay out if their healthcare decisions’ because they haven’t been able to make an informed choice.

Why not?

These people are adults. If they have no TV etc. it is because they don’t want one. They’re going to - and are absolutely allowed to - make their own decisions.

@HotGlueGun the same way everyone else did. Move your breaks, lunch, speak to your boss. Necessity during a global pandemic was understood
I have to work in pre arranged hourly time slots and I managed it
My xh is a Judge and he managed it

What work at home job did you do that would honestly prevent you from picking up your kids?

So you would rather stop shopping for vulnerable adults for your own selfish reasons based on the fact they refused a vaccine which has not been tested enough? You sound delightful.

Wrt shopping - you (or pref your DH) could set up an online account for them and do their shopping from your home. Don’t you do your own online?

I have not been able to get an online delivery slot for weeks. Maybe it depends on your area, but where I am online shopping is just not feasible without the availability of slots. So I do one large weekly shop for my family to minimise trips out. I also have to shop for my brother who is vulnerable and won't go out. It is a pain as several extra bags for him mean I struggle to fit it in my car as it is not huge and I then have to deliver it to him, meaning a longer car journey and therefore increased risk being on the road. The difference is he is keen to have the vaccine and won't be refusing it so eventually he will get his own shopping again. I would not be keen to carry on like this indefinitely if he were refusing the vaccine.

@RonaldMcDonald my husband didn't work from home. I currently WFH but also had a baby. I couldn't manage both work and caring for a baby.

@SakuraEdenSwan1

So you would rather stop shopping for vulnerable adults for your own selfish reasons based on the fact they refused a vaccine which has not been tested enough? You sound delightful.

She hasn't said they are vulnerable.

It would be controlling of you to withhold contact with the DGC if they refuse to get the vaccine. If they felt bullied into it and then became ill, they would blame you whether it was linked to the vaccine or not.

@SakuraEdenSwan1 nonsense. It's been through the same testing as any new drug to market. They are choosing not to reduce their vulnerability because they have not educated themselves properly re: the safety and efficacy of the vaccine.

I’m not sure you can stop, socially distant, shopping for them.

But them seeing your children now puts them at an avoidable risk.

Perhaps start to discuss funeral plans, wills etc.

Don’t get too attached to them!

Well problem's solved if he's been made redundant. DH can do all childcare and shopping including his parents. Not your problem now.

@SakuraEdenSwan1

So you would rather stop shopping for vulnerable adults for your own selfish reasons based on the fact they refused a vaccine which has not been tested enough? You sound delightful.

It has been tested enough. Millions of people, much more vulnerable than a couple in their early 70s, have been delighted to get it. Millions more are desperate to get it in their arms.

Equally millions of couples in their early 70s never stopped doing their own shopping.

I think it's great they're refusing the vaccine to be honest.

They can shop online instead and you can look after your own children.

Sorted.

Why don’t your husband doing their shopping and your shipping come to that?

You work full time and he’s at home?

You’re the mug here!

@AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter

So if I don't get the vaccine, and prefer to protect myself by staying at home, except for walks in the forest, and ask my daughter to do shopping for me thus further restricting my movements, surely nobody could object

Its not about objections or "punishment"- YOU have weighed up the facts and made your own decision about the vaccine.

OP is JUST AS ENTITLED to weight up the facts and make her own decision based on them choosing not to vaccinate. I'm a bit baffled why people keep banging on about "respecting their decision" yet seem to have zero respect for any decision the OP makes- IT GOES BOTH WAYS.

True enough, in the OPs case.

It's the attitude that baffles me . My daughter would never refuse to shop for me, just as I always get stuff for her when I'm out shopping; we always ask each other.

The question is anyway moot; it's just this strange "they must be punished" attitude that strikes me. This whole "ENTITLED!!!" thing is not at all the way I (and my family) think. We help each other out, where and when needed.

I suppose I'm a little relaxed about the whole thing. I do my own shopping, btw, and will continue to do so. Carry on.

@SakuraEdenSwan1

So you would rather stop shopping for vulnerable adults for your own selfish reasons based on the fact they refused a vaccine which has not been tested enough? You sound delightful.

Can you give evidence for 'not been tested enough'?

@HotGlueGun

Your DH is a SAHD, two kids.

Do you really think that there aren't people in much more difficult situations getting on with it, without mixing with other people?

The childcare bubble was created in order to help people that really needed it, not for a parent who is being a fucking flake.

People like him are just taking the piss out of things the Govt have put in place for those genuinely in need