In-laws have declined the vaccine... AIBU?

[HotGlueGun]

So my in-laws (early 70s) have declined to have the vaccine. They are in our childcare bubble and so we see them regularly. They also ask us to do their shopping. WIBU to a) stop doing their shopping for them and b) reduce/ stop their contact with the kids? I'm really cross about but appreciate that they have free will and it's their choice. But resent having to do shopping for them... it's like they are happy for us to be at risk and aren't prepared to take reasonable steps to reduce their vulnerability and eliminate the risk for themselves/ the wider community.

@TatianaBis it's not irrelevant though.... that's how she gives her notions credence. As though she has the inside story because she used to work for one of the companies manufacturing the vaccine.

And yes my husband does need the break from time to time.... but the ILs never have both kids at the same time. They will have the 18m old for a few hours so that my husband can homeschool my son. Or they will have the 6 year old so that my husband can spend some time with our toddler or get jobs done. It's not like we are dumping the kids and running so that we can put our feet up. Yes we could manage without the childcare but it would be to the detriment of each of our kids. Appreciate that's not "essential" in the way that providing childcare for 2 x working parents is but with the age difference in our children, it is difficult for one person (DH) to meet both of their needs on his own whilst I work.

@HotGlueGun

So the childcare is as hoc and we could manage without it... they want to do it, rather than we need them to do it, especially now the schools are closed.

Their reasons are that someone once told them that if they can avoid having a vaccine, then they should. Also concerns about how the vaccines are stored and whether they will be injected with something not stored properly.

They do not have internet access/ a television... so hear snippets of info and make them their own.

Their reasons are that someone once told them that if they can avoid having a vaccine, then they should.

Someone? Who?

Haven't rtft but don't they need to ring their GP's surgery and ask them what to do, rather than relying on hearsay?

You do realise we don’t know for sure the vaccine will work?

To the pp who said this?? What? Are you living in the past? Have you read by if the research findings from Pfizer or AZ or reports from MHRA?

What's your source on this? This sort of nonsense still doing the rounds makes my blood boil. Vaccines work. Connor vid vaccines work. We've enough evidence to support that. Hospital reductions especially have a lot of evidence that vaccines are effective in this regard.

The world would not be investing trillion of dollars pounds and euros if the vaccines didn't bloody work.

the vaccines don't stop you being able to transmit the virus

This is misinformation.
We do not yet know if the vaccine does reduce transmission, or if it does not. We will know before too long.

But it is incorrect to interpret "we don't yet know" as "it doesn't"

Op, have you made an attempt to print off some info from the gov website to give them a more accurate picture of the vaccine?
Can you remove yourself from considering the impact on yourself and the childcare issues for a little while and instead think about the issue of your PIiL not being vaccinated and focus more in addressing that?

Tatian - are you are anti-vaxxer? What an odd comment to make about the internet! Yes, of course there is lots of odd info on the internet, but it is also a great source if accurate info too. To not have access to a TV or to the internet or radio, means you really are pretty cut off from sources of information, beyond those that come from people who might visit you...and if as OP suggests, some of those give dubious info, it really is a problem.

I wonder if Op’s PiLs are part of an ethnic minority community, who in old age have become very isolated. It sounds like their contacts with the outside world are very restricted and might include some who deliver misinformation. There are more people out there in this kind of position than we might think and they can be very vulnerable to not knowing what is going on or not being able to make properly informed choices.

I think Op’s real concern in the short term is to correct that lack of information. Essentially it could save their lives. And that is probably more important really than the childcare issues.
If once they have proper info they still decide not to be vaccinated, having fully understood the risks this gives them and consequences for going out etc, then Op can consider childcare, shopping etc.

It is fine to make whatever choice you want.... yet I would like to think people can make an informed choice,

Yes yabu to use your children against them and try to force them into having a vaccine they do not want. Their body their choice!

To the OP, simply put, your in laws are being selfish. They don't have internet. Fair enough. Educate them then. Print out studies, provide them with the government or NHS leaflets that have been provided n the topic. Show them chapter 14a if The Green Book, which should cover all their concerns.

If they still insist on being irresponsible and selfish, and it's their own choice, I appreciate that, then I would gradually be reducing privileges such as seeing your children ( it died t sound like the childcare is essential so that's not very cool). I'd also be suggesting that they start internet supermarket shopping as well.

Time to get serious. My in laws are similar. They haven't been offered the vaccines yet, and they are victims of fake Facebook news. But I intend to be very serious cross re their irresponsibility if they refuse.

@WombatChocolate they are white British. They don't have a TV/ internet a) because you have to pay for them and b) because of a mistrust of them (I think). Not really sure TBH.

I haven't read the whole thread, but would like to chime in. Namechanged for this as I don't want to be branded an anti-vax!

I am 69 and won't be taking the vaccine. I have my own reasons for this.

I have two grandchildren who live about 20 minutes away; sometimes my daughter brings them here, sometimes I visit them. I really do not see any other person than my daughter and son-in-law, either here nor there.

So if I don't get the vaccine, and prefer to protect myself by staying at home, except for walks in the forest, and ask my daughter to do shopping for me thus further restricting my movements, surely nobody could object?

I really don't understand this you-must-be-punished-because... attitude.
As I said; I have internet and know my reasons, even if you call me an idiot. It's your opinion, and I have a different one. So you want to demonstrate I'm an idiot by not helping me to stay away from people?

I truly don't get it. Fortunately my daughter is not like that.

@Ilovechinese

Yes yabu to use your children against them and try to force them into having a vaccine they do not want. Their body their choice!

And if OP decides because they made their choice not to shop or keep her children away that too is her choice .

And to those saying educate them... I absolutely intend to. I only found out today that they had declined the vaccine. My sister (pharmacologist, works with viruses for another pharma company) is sending me various links to demonstrate the efficacy of the vaccines.

OP - PLEASE bombard you PIL with all written information re. the virus and vaccination and how to get it ( as they do not have TV and internet.) Ask them how they will ever know what is going on in the world if they stick their heads in the sand with lack of News? They have civic duty to be vaccinated and are ignorant etc. Can you contact their GP to ask for them to phone them? Point out the situation in NHS. The more people in hospital with Covid the more NHS staff are dying from it and the fewer urgent operations/cancer treatments etc. can be given and the more people dying from other untreated conditions so there is this knock on effect. Make DH aware that DPs need a thorough change of mind and he has responsibility to ensure it.

@HotGlueGun why did you have them do school pick up?

You are asking for opinions and help. Then you tell everyone that are bending the rules. When challenged you aggressively rub it in peoples faces that it isn’t expressly forbidden. Your not covering yourself in glory TBH.

because at that point my husband was working. He's now been made redundant, so is a SAHD.

So if I don't get the vaccine, and prefer to protect myself by staying at home, except for walks in the forest, and ask my daughter to do shopping for me thus further restricting my movements, surely nobody could object

Its not about objections or "punishment"- YOU have weighed up the facts and made your own decision about the vaccine.

OP is JUST AS ENTITLED to weight up the facts and make her own decision based on them choosing not to vaccinate. I'm a bit baffled why people keep banging on about "respecting their decision" yet seem to have zero respect for any decision the OP makes- IT GOES BOTH WAYS.

A SAHD who can't handle two kids??? I've heard it all now!

@HotGlueGun so you got your parents in law to pick up your kids from school? How was this ever safe for them?
Surely better if you did this?

@RonaldMcDonald how would we have done that when both DH and I were working?

I honestly think you should stay out of their healthcare decisions. The vaccines are very probably perfectly safe and effective. But none of know that for certain. Everyone has to make their own choice and take their own risk.

Their free choice not to get the vaccine. I don’t think people should be judged unduly at the moment for that. There’s quite rational reasons for being nervous about it.

However, it’s also your free choice not to continue to do their shopping and to decide how don’t want them to look after your dc.

And to those saying educate them... I absolutely intend to.

That’s not ‘educating’, it’s lecturing.

[quote HotGlueGun]@MyDcAreMarvel show me the legislation and how it's being abused. You won't be able to [/quote]
FFS, stop being so obtuse. You know what a childcare bubble is for and you know you are abusing the rules. You are just cross that people are pointing this out to you.
You are using the bubble to have time away from your children to 'get jobs done' and so they see their grandparents.
There are millions of families across the uk, mine included, who haven't seen each other for months because they are following the rules. YOU have decided that those rules don't apply to you because it isn't spelt out word for word. People like you and your family are part of the reason this is going on so long.

I'd stop both the childcare an dyhe shipping on that basis. They will literally be sitting ducks once everyone over 50 is vaccinated.

Yanbu to stop shopping for them. Covid will always be around in some format so that means you're shopping for them forever. Seeing their school aged grandkids is more risky than going to the supermarket.

The childcare bubble thing is different. If you've deemed the risk of your kids seeing their grandparents as acceptable before then nothing has changed so I wouldn't change that. Are you and your h going to see them? Vaccinated people may still transmit and I wouldn't want to be the person who gave them the virus