In-laws have declined the vaccine... AIBU?

[HotGlueGun]

So my in-laws (early 70s) have declined to have the vaccine. They are in our childcare bubble and so we see them regularly. They also ask us to do their shopping. WIBU to a) stop doing their shopping for them and b) reduce/ stop their contact with the kids? I'm really cross about but appreciate that they have free will and it's their choice. But resent having to do shopping for them... it's like they are happy for us to be at risk and aren't prepared to take reasonable steps to reduce their vulnerability and eliminate the risk for themselves/ the wider community.

Maybe they have been researching the experimental vaccine and realised it is risky. I would be applauding them for being strong and determined to not have it.

I hope for the good of us all, you’re in the minority.

Totally up to them. If they're that age and you don't NEED them to be doing childcare they shouldn't be.

i honestly can not understand how anyone could refuse the vaccine, there is no reason at all for them to refuse, most of us cant wait , its the only way to get back to anything like normality, obviously they cant be forced to have the vaccine but i find it incredibly selfish ,

@Topsyturveymam I think that poster must be in the minority, thankfully, judging by the number of people who have been vaccinated now according to the figures quoted on the BBC News. There has been no suggestion that large numbers of people have refused the vaccine.

I’m an NHS nurse and I sprinted to get my vaccine!!!

It's not that unusual. Many anti-vax views around.

I'm not anti- at all and plan to have it whe it's my turn, but my immunologist (!) half-sister said she won't be doing. Ok, shs's early 40s with nothing underlying but when I asked what about her mum in her 70s and overweight / not healthy, she still said they haven't decided yet.
I'm more worried about my mum who is also very nervous about it as she used to have allergies. She also have a bioloy degree and sayss that most bioilogists aer anti-vax.

Mainly they worry about the unknown of long-tern effects, and also whether storage was exacty correct / errors etc. Not even conspiracy theories. And that vacciness mess with your own immune system.

I don't know how to pursuade mum, as she does have a point re allergies, and so far i haevn;t hear any Govt advice about it and is there a safe way to take them with allergies.

*biology, biologists, fgs!

Unfortunately they do have the right to decline the virus, however it is really important they are making these decisions with the proper factual information and not heresay from uninformed people. Maybe try and get them to speak to their GP to get further information, but at the end of the day it's their choice. My understanding is that it won't prevent you catching Covid, but will hopefully reduce the severity of symptoms. It's also not known if the vaccine can stop you transmitting it to others that's why it's necessary to still practice handwashing and social distancing. You will be putting them more at risk than vice versa

@Pearshaped20

Unfortunately they do have the right to decline the virus, however it is really important they are making these decisions with the proper factual information and not heresay from uninformed people. Maybe try and get them to speak to their GP to get further information, but at the end of the day it's their choice. My understanding is that it won't prevent you catching Covid, but will hopefully reduce the severity of symptoms. It's also not known if the vaccine can stop you transmitting it to others that's why it's necessary to still practice handwashing and social distancing. You will be putting them more at risk than vice versa

Decline the vaccine 🤔

I am going to jump in here without reading all of the comments, as I am sure I will get really annoyed. My husband and I are nearer your in laws age, and are by no means stupid or in need of educating. We have each made our own decision re the vaccine. He refused it, and I accepted it. We have both done research and we respect each others choice. Our adult children respect our choices too. I am a vaccine sceptic by nature, I was an active birth teacher when younger, and none of my children were vaccinated until their early teens - with the support of my GP - when I believed the lack of vaccination may affect others, in that Reubella became an issue as their female peers were old enough to have children. Your in laws are perfectly entitled to make their own choices. I do not accept that they are putting your children at risk, anybody who reads knows that the danger to children is almost non existent, and if you are worried it very easy to protect yourself when dropping the children off. I would hope that you are doing their shopping to help them out, but if you are working full time surely your husband should be doing it anyway. I do not think you should use their choice to beat them up. Many respected scientists and health professionals have doubts about the vaccine, read up on the number of health care workers who have refused it. Being 70 does not make them particularly vulnerable unless they have serious underlying health conditions. Even though the mainstream media chooses not to tell us 7 out of 8 people of over 80 who get covid survive it.
If your MIL has friends in the pharma industry and was involved in it whilst working I think she probably understands more about the risks etc than you do.
You sound as if you think that just because somebody reaches a certain age they immediately become stupid if they don't agree with you. Very rude TBH.

Maybe you could print out some facts and info about the vaccinations to make an informed choice of pros and possible cons ? Maybe their health clinic can advise them too . Not a lot you can do really

I definitely would not be doing their shopping anymore, are they going to stay in until the rest of us get our vaccines which won’t be for a long long time, I think they are irresponsible for the age that they are, are they usually stupid or is this a one off?

@BogForLife

You are more of a risk to them than they are to you.

I would try and offer them some material, maybe print outs from the BMJ or WHO that explains the testing, trials and safety of the vaccine, and remind them that without many vaccines life would be very different now: smallpox, polio, typhoid, tuberculosis etc

How patronising is this. They sound like they have come to perfectly rational choice for themselves. I have a chap who has done some electrical work for me who is very vulnerable in that he has asthma and other related conditions. He absolutely will not have the vaccine as his family was affected by the Anthrax vaccine when it was compulsory for services personnel. There are some parallels with this one as it also was rushed through to respond to a particular threat. It is not your place to judge nor to encourage the OP too. The vaccines you quote are for life threatening diseases and are once or twice in a lifetime ones. They also used conventional methods of manufacture. This covid vaccine is an entirely new type, made in a way that has not been done before. It also has a short life span for protection. There are quite valid questions that have not been fully answered and pamphlets from the BMJ or WHO will not address them.
Oh and please be assured that most 70 year olds do not consider themselves either old or vulnerable. Please do not forget that this generation have to work until they are at least 67, so three years into retirement is hardly elderly.

If they have declined help with regard to Covid protection, what gives them the right to expect help in other directions. How selfish. Don’t help them until they help everyone else by getting vaccinated .

I would not use them for childcare and stop doing their shopping. I'd explain, gently, that the vaccine would make it safe for them to do their own shopping. It's their choice to refuse, but you also have a choice and don't want to put yourself/the children (or them) in danger.
If they don't want to go to the shops there is always online.
Having explained, I would then stick to my guns, leave them to it and not engage with any arguments/emotional blackmail.

You are being completely unreasonable in my opinion. Everybody has the right to decline. It’s their bodies and if they aren’t comfortable with receiving the vaccine no way should you be blackmailing them into it!!! I actually thing that is a disgusting attitude to have!

My parents are vaccinated. DH’s (in France) aren’t yet as France is making a monumental cock-up of the process. That said, a ridiculous majority of the French reckon they won’t have it. MIL has started with various excuses as to why she’ll be unable to...

We’d have tomorrow if we could but being late 30s/40 and healthy, we’re far down the list. We’ve told PIL that they won’t be seeing us or the kids until they’ve accepted the vaccination.

I would show them how to do their own supermarket shop online, or organise a delivery for them, I wouldn't continue to go to the shops for them. As things open back up, they're at increasing risk of picking up the virus from your family, when you may well be vaccinated so mixing more freely, whilst they're not. I'd explain that you won't be able to see them anymore when that happens, they'll effectively need to shield. Hopefully they'll see reason, but I agree, I wouldn't continue putting your family at increased risk because of them, when they have declined the best way of keeping themselves safe.

Mitzi I'm interested to know how were they affectted by Anthraz vaccine?
As I said in my post just before yours, my biologist relatives are anti-vax especially with this one as there is no info on long-term effects (even though they aer all pro-children vaccination). I'm not anti, but I'd like to know what could happen when vaccines work badly?

I would stop doing their shopping and stop sending my kids. Keep you and kids safe if they don't see how taking it helps everyone then that's their choice. But it's your choice to keep the risk to your family as low as you can.

Haven’t read whole thread. There’s a podcast on BBC sounds about the oldest surviving man in an iron lung. He’s now living through this pandemic. Have your in-laws give it a listen. Bob (the polio survivor) wants them to listen to it.
Good luck op

I'm in a similar situation OP.

DP's parents are meant to have the vaccine this week but are saying "we don't know if we'll bother as we don't think it will work" and "we're just waiting to hear about all the people dying from the vaccine."

We don't rely on them for childcare, though they did used to help us out. But they've pretty much been shielding since last March, and since then we've only seen them briefly a couple of times (very SD outdoors in the garden last summer).

I do feel upset by their attitude, as by choosing not to have the vaccine they are choosing not to see their family again, it seems. My DC really miss their grandparents and often talk of going to visit them or stay with them 'when coronavirus is finished'. I can't imagine choosing never to see your children or grandchildren again, and just stay shut up at home forever. They're mid-70s.

I just wonder what those people recommending declining the vaccine would have us do now?

I understand how it’s a personal choice but I don’t think it’s fair if I was a nurse treating someone who had declined the vaccine. Putting mine and my families health at risk to save their life. So their decision may well affect others directly and indirectly.