In-laws have declined the vaccine... AIBU?

[HotGlueGun]

So my in-laws (early 70s) have declined to have the vaccine. They are in our childcare bubble and so we see them regularly. They also ask us to do their shopping. WIBU to a) stop doing their shopping for them and b) reduce/ stop their contact with the kids? I'm really cross about but appreciate that they have free will and it's their choice. But resent having to do shopping for them... it's like they are happy for us to be at risk and aren't prepared to take reasonable steps to reduce their vulnerability and eliminate the risk for themselves/ the wider community.

[quote sapnupuas]@Forrasee

Well said.

Stop abusing the childcare bubble system, OP. My parents live around the corner. My parents are desperate to see their grandchild. I'm desperate for a fucking break. And yet we understand that we can't form a bubble for no good reason.

You're being selfish. [/quote]
Do you not have a support bubble?

Too many frothing beserkers on this thread! really.

Difficult.

I agree that homeschooling a 6 yr old and looking after a 18 month old at the same time is difficult enough to warrant the use of childcare if it's available.

The increase of the time lag before the second dose against the manufacturers recommendations in the case of the Pfizer and the row about insufficient data for the over 65s in the case of the Oxford could well be giving them pause for thought.
I think providing them with the information your sister in pharma is sending you links for is the right way to go. As time passes and they see that the vaccines have not had any ill effect in their cohort they may be reassured and have the vaccine.

Can't see how they could have their shopping delivered if they don't have internet.

That's just not the way we function. We help each other out where and when needed. When and if I become unable to care for myself, my daughter (and/or son) will care for me without question. But we are far from that stage

Totally different

These are capable people choosing to not go out to the shops, they don’t need help.

They can and should do their own shopping while OP is working full time with two kids and a lazy husband.

OP isn’t the one who needs to justify her actions - one the other hand the rest of her family do - the should be ashamed

I hope I'm not relying on my busy adult DC with jobs and young families of their own, to run around after me doing my shopping when I'm retired. Vaccine or not.
Selfish.

@SakuraEdenSwan1

So you would rather stop shopping for vulnerable adults for your own selfish reasons based on the fact they refused a vaccine which has not been tested enough? You sound delightful.

It has been tested enough. Please don't start with this.

@Tavannach

Difficult.

I agree that homeschooling a 6 yr old and looking after a 18 month old at the same time is difficult enough to warrant the use of childcare if it's available.

The increase of the time lag before the second dose against the manufacturers recommendations in the case of the Pfizer and the row about insufficient data for the over 65s in the case of the Oxford could well be giving them pause for thought.
I think providing them with the information your sister in pharma is sending you links for is the right way to go. As time passes and they see that the vaccines have not had any ill effect in their cohort they may be reassured and have the vaccine.

Can't see how they could have their shopping delivered if they don't have internet.

I'm sorry. I think there's far more people managing to cope with much harder homeschooling situations than the OP's husband.

They can manage. He's choosing not to.

@AStudyinPink

ASTUDYINPINK, it is not lecturing, to provide people who have no TV or internet with information about the vaccine that they do not possess.

It’s lecturing to talk about ‘educating’ adults who disagree with you.

I don’t think Op can ‘stay out if their healthcare decisions’ because they haven’t been able to make an informed choice.

Why not?

These people are adults. If they have no TV etc. it is because they don’t want one. They’re going to - and are absolutely allowed to - make their own decisions.

Absolutely they are.

And others can decide how to react to those decisions where it affects them.

There are people looking after an eighteen month old, a six year old AND having to work from home. Yes it's hard but people are having to do it.

You have two problems - both of which are easily solved.

1)You don’t NEED childcare you WANT childcare that you don’t need as your children have a parent at home 24/7. You don’t have a baby- you have a toddler who is 18m old and a husband who should be able to deal with that if he dealt with a job.

2. stop doing their big shop as pp have said arrange for it to be delivered and they can get top ups them selves. If they are not having the vaccine they are going to have to go out at some point.

Is there some HUGE. drippy back story why your dh can’t look after the dc when some parents would love to be in the position your family are in.

Personally I don’t really agree with childcare bubbles when a person is in a couple which I assume you are as you said “we”. You get to see your parents but I don’t get to see mine because I don’t expect them to look after my children. If I did get to see them because of a loophole then I’d be more than happy to do their shopping. YABU.

@Winwon But she DOESN'T get to see her parents, she's talking about her PILs. I don't get why so many posters ate misunderstanding this; she says it's about her in-laws in the thread title.

And others can decide how to react to those decisions where it affects them

I didn’t say otherwise. I will say it. I think it is utterly unreasonable to curtail your children’s relationship with their grandparents because said grandparents won’t bow to your decisions on matters of their healthcare, but you undoubtedly can do so if you feel that way inclined.

Plus it's her DH who's insisting on seeing his parents, and having them do childcare. Not the OP, she says herself that they don't need the help.

It does make my blood boil when this old couple have heard from some idiot in the street that the vaccines aren't being handled correctly. I work with the people who are involved in the handling of this material and there are so many safety procedures in place and any deviation would mean that batch would be destroyed. They are experienced in handling delicate medication albeit not in such vast amounts.
If people want to catch covid severely that is their decision but they would be taking up a hospital bed and could be the source of a mutation.

@Shmithecat2

No. I'm not a single adult. My husband is self-employed so when I'm not working, he is. We have to tag-team homeschooling so it's not just the responsibility of one person, while both having full time jobs. Our son doesn't sleep until 10 at night.

I'm exhausted 🙁

Sorry. End of my pity party. I know we are lucky in lots of ways.

@fiftiesmum

Completely agree. I have a family member working with the handling of the vaccines and they tell me there is a huge amount of vaccine being destroyed because people do not turn up for their vaccination appointment and they can't keep the vaccine for another day.

[quote PrincessScarlett]@fiftiesmum

Completely agree. I have a family member working with the handling of the vaccines and they tell me there is a huge amount of vaccine being destroyed because people do not turn up for their vaccination appointment and they can't keep the vaccine for another day.[/quote]
Our hub has a list of people who can get there quickly if there's any left over.

They haven't wasted any

I think YABU. As you say, it's their choice whether to have the vaccine or not and I don't think that means they don't deserve any help. Pre-COVID, wouldn't you do something like shopping for your parents anyway, if they needed help? I don't think COVID makes the situation any different. If your parents are elderly and need help that you're able to give, why wouldn't you?

If it bothers you going to the supermarket, sign up to an online supermarket and do their shopping for them that way.

I hope I'm not relying on my busy adult DC with jobs and young families of their own, to run around after me doing my shopping when I'm retired. Vaccine or not
Selfish

The PILs help with childcare yet there's a parent around who is perfectly capable of caring for his own children. In this particular aspect it's not the PILs who are selfish is it?

& Childcare bubbles are for parents who need childcare arrangement, not for 'I fancy a break from the kids/I want adults time'

A married,stay at home dad with a childcare bubble? He's absolutely taking the piss. If you don't want to do the shopping then don't, tell your OH to do it, they're his parents.

So you want to punish them by not letting them see grandchildren because your not happy with there choice. Stop doing the shopping if your not happy todo.

These people are adults. If they have no TV etc. it is because they don’t want one. They’re going to - and are absolutely allowed to - make their own decisions

They can decide what they like but they are not making an informed decision if they cut themselves off from most outside information and rely and random rumourmongers.

Your DH can do the shopping for his parents.
I would scrap the childcare bubble until things are considerably safer - your DH will just need to man up

I agree OP that they are being very silly. But that’s their choice - equally there are consequences to that choice.

A married,stay at home dad with a childcare bubble? He's absolutely taking the piss. If you don't want to do the shopping then don't, tell your OH to do it, they're his parents.

Exactly. 300 posts in, OP has repeatedly said its her in-laws, its the DH who is teh SAHD whilst she works full time, its the DH insisting on this arrangement and yet still its her fault apparently.