In-laws have declined the vaccine... AIBU?

[HotGlueGun]

So my in-laws (early 70s) have declined to have the vaccine. They are in our childcare bubble and so we see them regularly. They also ask us to do their shopping. WIBU to a) stop doing their shopping for them and b) reduce/ stop their contact with the kids? I'm really cross about but appreciate that they have free will and it's their choice. But resent having to do shopping for them... it's like they are happy for us to be at risk and aren't prepared to take reasonable steps to reduce their vulnerability and eliminate the risk for themselves/ the wider community.

@Sinful8 they actually didn't.

[quote TatianaBis]@BogForLife

Most people are 'bombarded' about info about vaccines anyway.

The OP has said that her ILs do not have TV or internet so may well not have any access to reliable information, a range of information or balanced information.

So if someone who doesn’t want an abortion doesn’t have a TV, you’re entitled to lecture them? Media is irrelevant.

The PIL vacc’d their kids so they’re obviously not anti-vaxx.[/quote]
In the first place it isn't necessarily equivalent to the abortion debate - unless the vaccine refusal is ideological, as I said in my post, and secondly, discussing info doesn't have to be 'lecturing'.

Obviously I would never 'lecture' anyone on whether to have an abortion or not. But if someone was considering an abortion and said 'but I am worried because it might destroy my ovaries' I might suggest they loo at some facts.

I have had loads of discussions with friends and family who are both more and less informed than me, I have learned things, and passed things on. None of it has been 'lecturing'.

And if I didn't have TV or the internet I would have seen a lot less info.

Does everything have to be adversarial in tone?

AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter

I said much of this thread is ageist. & It is.

It's not about OP's decisions in that respect.

Ageism is ageism.

If they choose to refuse obviously it is their decision
It does mean they have chosen to take a step not to reduce their risk of being very ill and that would make me cross and make me reconsider what I'd do to reduce their risk if they CBA.

I would be angry with my dad if he refused his a) because I don't want him to die and b) because I worry a lot about him getting COVID and dying and it would mean I have to keep on worrying and taking precautions when I wouldn't have had to. I would take it he didn't respect my opinion or my care for him and it didn't weigh much in the balance.

I accept he's an adult and can make his own decision but I think I would change my behaviour. I would try to worry less about him getting it as clearly he is not worried and I would certainly not carry on taking precautions for his sake when restrictions are lifted eg wouldn't isolate myself before visiting.
If he chooses to take a risk I am no longer obliged to mitigate that for him.

That's how I'd play it with the in laws. Their choice to make an unwise decision but you don't have to modify your behaviour around that. I would carry on as if they had been vaccinated.

Fortunately he is a retired scientist and therefore he is first in the queue with his sleeve rolled up ready!

YABU for using them for childcare when it isn't essential. Childcare bubbles are not for grandparents to visit with their grandchildren - they are to provide essential childcare.

YANBU for stopping all contact with them and stopping doing their shopping. It is ridiculous for them to refuse the vaccine. Their choice, they're entitled to it - but they shouldn't put you at increased risk because of their choice. They can go to the corner shop?

Of course the vaccines have been properly tested ... the government certainly wouldn’t vaccinate millions of people otherwise 🙄 it’s this type of stupid scaremongering comments that make people worry about the vaccine!

On a similar but separate note, my in-laws do not buy anything online as they don’t trust the websites/banks/card details etc .... but they’re happy for family members to buy the stuff online using their own cards and will pay them in cash 🙄 - double standards - if you don’t trust online, don’t let someone else use online for you and risk their own monies. Same with the shopping OP - if your in laws aren’t doing their own shopping to keep themselves safe, but are happy fir you to put yourself at risk then id stop doing it. If you shop for them because they’re too old/infirm etc then that’s a different matter.

You do know the vaccine doesn’t stop you contracting it or transmitting it? So what has this got to do with you?

I said much of this thread is ageist. & It is

I would argue that refusing to take sensible precautions to protect yourself from a virus that is known to affect older people more severely and puts them at risk of hospital admittance (placing more pressure on the NHS) is far from ageist. Its actually inherently and unbelievably selfish.

Our young have sacrificed an enormous amount to protect the older generation and I find their behaviour utterly appalling,

The childcare bubble was created in order to help people that really needed it, not for a parent who is being a fucking flake

Yes. Millions of women are having to juggle childcare, homeschooling and work. Unless there is some exceptionally demanding and unmentioned special need then he is using his parents to opt out. Can't see why he isnt doing their shopping if he thinks its needed.

If you would have stopped shopping for them if they'd had the vaccine then stop. Clearly they don't care about getting COVID in which case they can get their own shopping.

The childcare seems a red herring. If they'd had the vaccine presumably you'd have carried on or done more. Stopping seems illogical. I think its more an issue between you and DH.
You and your kids are more of a risk to them than they are to you. If they choose to take that risk then they can.

@Viviennemary

I wouldn't approve of their choice. But it is up to them. I don't think I'd stop doing their shopping as they are elderly.,

My mother is 81 and has been doing her own shopping (and helping other people) throughout. I am sure the OP's parents can do their own shopping if they are in their 70s and fit enough to do childcare.

Absolutely not unresonable. We have free will but not freedom from the consequences of our actions. No way would I be doing their shopping.

I wouldn't have anything to do with anyone who is enough of a gullible thick-skulled fuckwit to turn the vaccine down, but there you go. Maybe my attitude is influenced by my friend's untimely death from covid two days ago.

You do know the vaccine doesn’t stop you contracting it or transmitting it?

Whilst it is obviously prudent to be very cautious and continue to protect ourselves and others, we simply do not know the answer to this.
It is very possible that some of the vaccines may stop you contracting or transmitting it. Im the same way it is very likely that some of the vaccines won't.

So this comment above is incorrect. We might have data on this in due course.

Whether the vaccine prevents transmission is still being researched, the fact is that it WILL reduce transmission.

As will not mixing with anyone you don't absolutely have to.

It's not bloody difficult to understand FFS.

In the first place it isn't necessarily equivalent to the abortion debate - unless the vaccine refusal is ideological, as I said in my post, and secondly, discussing info doesn't have to be 'lecturing

Abortion may not be an ideological issue.

The point stands on keeping out of other people’s medical choices.

@glassshoes

Their choice not to have it and your choice to not continue with their shopping.

This. Also your choice not to have ad hoc child care that you don't need.

Why are you upset that they didn't get the vaccine?

Are you worried about the risk you present to them? If so you shouldn't let them spend time with the dc when you don't NEED the childcare, it just makes dh's live a bit easier.

Are you worried about the risk they present to you? If so same as above.

Not doing their shopping is just petty.

Why would you stop doing their shopping? As a punishment? I dont get it? Are you in the vulnerable category? They’re putting their own health at risk (supposedly) more than yours.

But having the vaccine doesn’t stop a person transmuting the virus, so they are at increased risk from you and the children, not the other way round. It seems like you are saying unless they have the vaccine you’ll withhold contact with the children?

For those of you that have decided not to see relatives who arent getting vaccinated...is that it?
Will you never see them again for the rest of their living years?

I don't think anyone refusing the vaccine can object when people stop helping them to shield.

* this is a Husband issue not a childcare issue.. OP states clearly there is no need for childcare... but her Husband insists his parents still see the kids... its ridiculous what he has been doing *

^This. It’s astonishing, the number of posters berating the OP about the childcare issue. She isn’t the one who is involving them in childcare, it’s her DH who insists on it. She’s clearly frustrated about it, and now she hears that they’re not going to have the jab on top of all that.

And please could everyone take note that they’re NOT her parents, they’re her PILs.

@AtiaoftheJulii

So if I don't get the vaccine, and prefer to protect myself by staying at home, except for walks in the forest, and ask my daughter to do shopping for me thus further restricting my movements, surely nobody could object?

Your daughter could object to now being expected to do your shopping for the rest of your life! (I appreciate you are actually doing your own shopping.)

I’m happy to help people out, but would expect them to help themselves as well.

That's just not the way we function. We help each other out where and when needed. When and if I become unable to care for myself, my daughter (and/or son) will care for me without question. But we are far from that stage.

Yes, I do my own shopping and am otherwise very independent, not vulnerable (which of course doesn't mean invulnerable), very fit for my age, and probably healthier than people half my age.

Read this whole thread, I'm very angry that OP is abusing the the childcare bubble and still justifying it! Millions of us are struggling, I have two school aged children at home, one who is special/ high needs. My husband is front line and works nights, we hardly see him even on his days off, my son doesn't sleep much and we still haven't seen anyone. Your husband needs to woman up!