Family fall out over a coffee table!

[PoppyBean]

I purchased a solid oak coffee table from my SIL about 4 years ago. She said she was getting rid, I said I loved it and asked how much she wanted for it, she wanted £30 so I paid and took my table.

I've just moved house and now have a toddler, my new lounge is an L shape and the coffee table doesn't really work anywhere in the room so I decided to sell it. I didn't really want to sell it as I still love it but it just doesn't fit. I done some research to see what's it's worth and what similar items are selling for and I sold it for £150.

SIL is fuming, says I've taken advantage and asked if i intend to share the profit. I said I paid the price you wanted you could of sold it yourself. I hadn't bought it to sell for profit and I'd be keeping it if it fit in my room but it doesn't.

Now my brother has text saying I've really upset her and she's shocked and disappointed at my greed.

SIL gifted me some baby items when my child was born. As they were gifted I asked what she wanted to do with them when I'd finished with them, she asked for some things back and said she wasn't bothered about the rest. I gave them away.

I think there's a huge difference between something you've been given as a gift, even if second hand and something you paid for so I don't feel like I have done anything wrong here.

Who is being unreasonable? Should I share the profit?

Just read the drip feeds. In which case agree to kill her with kindness, offer the money back as a gesture whilst making clear free services are not going to be the way forward.

£150 after an additional four years of use means it was worth what, at least a couple of hundred when she sold it to you for a nominal price? Point is, she did something generous when the opportunity arose, and you did not.

Did you miss the part where the SIL offered to sell the table to the OP while in the process of giving her SIL one of many free hair and nails sessions that she had been getting for 10 years?

Money wise, that’s far more generous than selling the table for £30 when it was worth £150, unless you think women’s work has no value.

If OP had bought and sold the table within a few days or weeks then I can see why SIL would be annoyed

Four years later is ridiculous. SIL sounds quite precious. Note to self, keep certain info from her in future

She has shown you your relationship clearly is transactual.. No more bloody freebies... Tell db she can have half the profits when she has paid you up to date with beauty products she has used. Bet he has no idea what use has had free from you... He needs to be well aware imo. Bet he has been giving her the cash all along!

@cansu

I think you have been very greedy. She sold it to you for 30.00 as she didn't want to make a profit on a relative. Selling it for 150 and pocketing the difference is really not nice. You should give her half the cash at least. In fact, you really should not have sold it for 150.00!

Have you read the OP's updates? OP has being doing SIL's hair and nails for free for 10 years. SIL is the greedy one. And fucking unreasonable too.

@FamilyOfAliens

£150 after an additional four years of use means it was worth what, at least a couple of hundred when she sold it to you for a nominal price? Point is, she did something generous when the opportunity arose, and you did not.

Did you miss the part where the SIL offered to sell the table to the OP while in the process of giving her SIL one of many free hair and nails sessions that she had been getting for 10 years?

Money wise, that’s far more generous than selling the table for £30 when it was worth £150, unless you think women’s work has no value.

@FamilyOfAliens calm down it’s nothing to do with how I value women’s work, I miss the free services bit as it was a drip feed, and I addressed it in a follow up post.

I'll preface by saying she is one cheeky bitch but I'd try and keep the peace and reply to your brother as pp have suggested

I'd split the profit and then i would so much as touch her hair or nails again. If she asks / insists tell her that a lot of people have been asking this and its effecting your down time/business so she should either pay full rates or make other arrangements.
My nails cost 700 a year (that's 7k!!!)

Calm down?

What a strange thing to say about my perfectly calm post.

If she gave it to you then yes I'd share the profit but she didn't want it and sold it to you so that should have been the end of her aim on it.
Id probably share the profit just to prevent the inevitable and endless grief that is sure to follow.
But thats your call.

OP I'd call your SIL and say you'd be happy to give her the £60 and that you will be charging for hair and nails as soon as covid is over due to lockdown etc can no longer afford to subsidise.

You need to share more about their bragging too. Are they well off?

OP I'd call your SIL and say you'd be happy to give her the £60 and that you will be charging for hair and nails as soon as covid is over due to lockdown etc can no longer afford to subsidise

This, but I'd not offer her the option, but give her 50% of the profit, but next time she asks you to do her hair and nails tell her it'll cost her £50 for each appointment

@Rhubarbcrumblerules

I wouldn't be giving her anything however if you do go down the route others have suggested do not give her £60 as she has already had £30. To be totally fair split the £150 into two, so £75. Then take off the £30 so she gets £45 (plus the £30 she has already had = £75), and you keep £105 (less the ,£30 = £75)

If you do it the way others are suggesting she ends up £90 in profit and you get £60, not to mention all the free hair and nails.

This.

But I wouldn't give her a fucking penny and I would now charge for doing her hair and nails or not do them at all.

She's a piss taker for asking for money on a table that you paid for and was now fundamentally now yours.

There are many CF threads on here where the OP is appalled that something they have given has immediately been sold on for profit. The CF is roundly condemned and right so - that is cheeky.

However I think this is totally different as you used it for 4 years. I think the SIL is pissed off more with herself as she said she couldnt be bothered with all the faff of selling it and so offloaded it to you for £30 and the convenience. Then to see what profit she could have made if she had been bothered must be pretty galling (esp for someone who seems pretty money oriented).

I do not think you are in the wrong but, with the added info (totally get why you didnt add that in as it is pretty prejudicial) I think you could give her half the profit and then (and this is probably pretty strong) totally cut her off from her freebie hair and nails. If she complains, you can send her some figures:
At the local salons x, y and z, they charge on average £x for hair and £x for nails. Times that by x times a month for x years, that’s £xxxxxx I have saved you.

She can’t have it all her own way, the cheeky mare!!

All the people saying SIL sold the table cheap because it's "family" please at least carefully read the OP posts - she sold it cheap because she herself said she couldn't be bothered with listing, selling, dealing with time wasters! It's wasn't some grand kind gesture cos she loves OP 

And @Viviennemary no contact? really??? Wow over reaction, much? Bet your family relationships are brilliant Cool, hope she's happy to pay out for her nails and hair forever then! That'll cost her far, far more!

@PoppyBean Maybe go back to them and say, sorry at the time you assumed that the low price was maybe not only to do with family but also due to the free nail and hair service over the years, that that might have been a factor too

After your update I've changed my mind but agree with pp
Tell her you assumed it was sold cheap to you because of all the favours you do her. She can have the cash but you start charging for your services
I think you should stop doing freebies anyway. She is an obvious cf

Oh i would fully give my brother an earful about the hair and nails. Really spell out how much that has saved her over 10 years. We're talking £1000's here.

Then end if with, I'll send you the £45 and she can put it towards her first salon trip.

I assume you’re talking about Ercol/Nathan style furniture which has recently had a huge renaissance. Four years ago charity shops were full of this type of 60s and 70s furniture but now it’s much more popular (and rightly so. It’s lovely stuff). It’s entirely likely that a second hand Ercol coffee table was only worth about £30 four years ago, but because it’s back in fashion it’s worth £150. Either way, it was your table to do with as you wish - you’d paid for it fair and square. You might want offer your SiL half the profit and say that now you were putting your relationship on a commercial footing you’re now going to charge for hair and nails - mates rates of course - you don’t want to drag the arse out of it.

Can't believe some people think the OP is grabby! 😂 It was 4 years ago, not like the OP bought it for £30 then sold it right away.

Sounds to me like the SIL is misplacing her anger - I think she's really annoyed at herself for not selling it on for more in the first place but that's not the OP's fault.

I think you should cost up your time and materials for all the hair and nails over ten years – for your brother, not your SIL. She already knows for sure what she'd have had to pay in a salon. But your DB is likely to have seriously undervalued how much you have saved their family's budget over many years.

You don’t try and kill grabby people with kindness, they see it as weakness and will continue taking the piss.

“Dear SIL, I’m happy to share 50% of profit of the table if you pay me 50% of the charge for your nails and hair over the years. So £120 x 12 months x 10 years / 2 = £7200.
Minus the £60 profit. Can you PayPal me £7140 asap. Ta xxx”

[quote Mummyoflittledragon]@whatk8ydid
Cross post. Why should op do this? The rest of the family has been telling her she’s been a doormat for years. I was a doormat to my sibling and wife, allowed awful treatment, including violence. This is not a time for doormatting.[/quote]
I'm sorry for your experience. However I don't think the sort of reply I suggested is allowing 'doormatting' in this situation.
From how upset OP is, it doesn't sound like she wants a big show down with her brother or to have a reason to go NC. There's a middle ground between letting them do whatever and having a blazing row. And that is politely pointing out the favours that have been done for the SIL over the years and putting the ball back in her court, either accept a certain amount of money and no more freebies or back down and agree she shouldn't have any of the profit. Either way, OP then continues to hold the moral high ground going forward without the need for additional dramatics - and hopefully a relationship with them both going forward.

How does she even know about this ! If I did that I’d keep it to myself and nobody would know

As usual only one person in a family dispute is being blamed for causing the row, not valuing family unity enough.

SIL is the one making a fuss... why isn't she too being identified as one causing a family row over £60? Four years have passed, ffs!

Or is it just the usual MN thing about anyone who sees an opportunity and takes it?

YANBU she’s being ridiculous. Why didn’t you just say you gave it away .