Family fall out over a coffee table!

[PoppyBean]

I purchased a solid oak coffee table from my SIL about 4 years ago. She said she was getting rid, I said I loved it and asked how much she wanted for it, she wanted £30 so I paid and took my table.

I've just moved house and now have a toddler, my new lounge is an L shape and the coffee table doesn't really work anywhere in the room so I decided to sell it. I didn't really want to sell it as I still love it but it just doesn't fit. I done some research to see what's it's worth and what similar items are selling for and I sold it for £150.

SIL is fuming, says I've taken advantage and asked if i intend to share the profit. I said I paid the price you wanted you could of sold it yourself. I hadn't bought it to sell for profit and I'd be keeping it if it fit in my room but it doesn't.

Now my brother has text saying I've really upset her and she's shocked and disappointed at my greed.

SIL gifted me some baby items when my child was born. As they were gifted I asked what she wanted to do with them when I'd finished with them, she asked for some things back and said she wasn't bothered about the rest. I gave them away.

I think there's a huge difference between something you've been given as a gift, even if second hand and something you paid for so I don't feel like I have done anything wrong here.

Who is being unreasonable? Should I share the profit?

She's the one bring greedy. Don't give her anything.

*being

4 YEARS ago? She's being completely ridiculous! I'd never ask for money like that let alone a family member. As u say she could have done her research at the time and sold it for much more but she didn't.

I would definitely not hand over any money x

@Mycatismadeofstringcheese

You don’t try and kill grabby people with kindness, they see it as weakness and will continue taking the piss.

“Dear SIL, I’m happy to share 50% of profit of the table if you pay me 50% of the charge for your nails and hair over the years. So £120 x 12 months x 10 years / 2 = £7200.
Minus the £60 profit. Can you PayPal me £7140 asap. Ta xxx”

Haha. Love this! Do it

@Mycatismadeofstringcheese

You don’t try and kill grabby people with kindness, they see it as weakness and will continue taking the piss.

“Dear SIL, I’m happy to share 50% of profit of the table if you pay me 50% of the charge for your nails and hair over the years. So £120 x 12 months x 10 years / 2 = £7200.
Minus the £60 profit. Can you PayPal me £7140 asap. Ta xxx”

This is exactly what I came here t9 suggest. I'd probably put it a little more mildly p, like "hi SIL I understand you're upset about the table. I'm happy to split the profit with you but I think in that case it's only fair if you settle the bill for the hair and nails I've been doing every month for the last X years. It's about £7200. Alternatively happy to let bygones be bygones".

But do NOT do her hair and nails again without getting paid!!

I would have offered half of the profits but she would have declined as she is much much richer than me

She’s ridiculous. 4 years later! I’d give her the money to shut her up but she’d be getting absolutely no favours from me in the future.

She’s got some brass neck asking for half the money for an item she sold four years ago. She’s obviously not bothered about presenting herself as a petty, greedy person with poor social skills.

I’d give her it. It would be worth it to confirm the above with both of us.

Surely SIL shouldn't have charged you for table in first place considering you had done her hair and nails for free. SIL is the CF!

YADNBA op. I think @whatk8ydid suggests is a perfect response. As much as I don't think you should have to offer her half and she really is being a CF, hopefully this will make her realise that she's fucked herself by being a grabby arsehole! Definitely stop the free hair and nails!!!!

If it had been four months, maybe... but it’s been four years. She’s being entitled.

The hair and nails is so over for her now. Mwahahaa. Instant karma.

My sister moved abroad almost 20 years ago and gave a lot of her furniture away to my parents. They then gave it to me when I left home 12 years ago. A few years ago DH and I sold some of it online when we bought our flat. Some of it we're still using.

My parents and sister have never asked for a cut of the money I made when I sold it. It ceased to belong to my sister when she gave it to my parents and it ceased to belong to them when they gave it to me.

SIL chose to sell the table to OP. It's not like OP immediately sold it for a profit and accepted a low price offered by SIL to maximise her immediate profit - she used it for 4 years and is selling it now it no longer suits her which is her prerogative as it is her possession now.

Perhaps a simple "oh I didn't think you'd begrudge me making some money after all the money you've saved from me doing your hair and nails. If it means so much to you of course you can have the £60, but perhaps you'd like to pay me for my services from now on."

I probably wouldn’t have tried to make a profit on something I was selling that was already second hand, and if I did make extra money I wouldn’t have told her! What did you expect her to say?

If it was me I’d think you’d been cheeky and grabby too. Nobody’s in the right in this I’m afraid, but you do come off quite badly.

To ensure this doesn’t rankle for years you probably should give her £75 and ask to let bygones be bygones.

@NoSquirrels

Now my brother has text saying I've really upset her and she's shocked and disappointed at my greed.

Text him back.

Bro, I’m sorry SIL is upset. As I said to her, I paid you guys for the coffee table at the time - it wasn’t a gift from you both to us, it was a business transaction. I’m pretty shocked and disappointed at being called greedy - I’ve done SIL’s hair and nails for free for over a decade, I’m hardly making a profit if we wanted to start adding up every little thing. I’m really offended, actually. Seems totally petty and I’m surprised you’ve waded in too without seeing the bigger picture. Anyway, think it’s best we agree to disagree on this one.

This reply is perfect. I think sometimes people get worked up about one thing and forget other favours that have occurred over the years. Especially if you regularly do her hair/nails she will have completely lost sight that you are doing her a favour!

Push back.

I don't think you are in the wrong at all!
She sold you the table and you have in turn sold your table. The fact that you made a profit is neither here nor there.
That said, now that you have told us more of the scenario I would split the money with her and then never do her nails or hair again for free.
£60 is a cheap price to pay to get rid of her cheeky fucking ass.

I think it would be obvious this wasn’t done thing. Most people would be peeved I’d imagine.

@Itsnotlikethiswithotherpeople

I think it would be obvious this wasn’t done thing. Most people would be peeved I’d imagine.

Have you read the thread? The OP has been doing the SiL hair and nails for free for ten years. On balance I think the OP is more out of pocket!

They are both being greedy, there is nothing dignified in fighting over sixty quid, particularly when the op says she doesn’t need the money.

@Itsnotlikethiswithotherpeople

I think it would be obvious this wasn’t done thing. Most people would be peeved I’d imagine.

You can be peeved it still doesn't make the OP in the wrong!

Give her all the money minus the £30 and learn your lesson. Never take anything from her again.

You were free to do what you did but if she sold it to you for £30 I'd guess they were really short of money at the time (and maybe still now!) You selling it for £150 has probably upset her.

For you to get £150 now, she was clearly giving it away at £30 4 years ago, probably as you're family. She now sees that you're keeping a whopping profit that she could have had (in addition to the original favour which was a quality table for next to nothing). It does look tight.

BUT I have now read the update that you've done the hair and nails, and now think she should have kept quiet. I think I'd remind her of this and say you didn't think she'd begrudge you £60 given the value she's had out of you on the hair over the years.

Ultimately it wouldn't be worth the fall out for me, and if you don't get a favorable response I'd give her the money and stop doing the hair.